Role-Playing Guild

Some few survivors of an Apocalyptic catastrophe have somehow found each other and are now wandering through a desolate wasteland that is like Mars but hotter. There is a quiet rustling ahead. Theron the warlock tiefling hits on Ariel the pyro Elan, and Vaeria does an interpretive dance. Ariel and Dylan the ranger leave the party to go investigate the rustling and see black and brown blurs shooting into a mound. Ariel goes back to report the findings to the party while Dylan stays to keep an eye on the hole. Something inside it is mumbling and hissing. The rest of the party is rather disinterested – Dara the half air elemental cleric goes on ahead, Luminia the black dragon flies in circles, and half-dragon Vaeria and Mikhail the soulknife dance. Raven the rogue goes to look, and Theron follows Ariel back to the site because he is attracted to her. Raven waves to Ariel and confuses Theron with hand signals. He wants them to go behind the mound and get on top behind the entrance; instead, Theron gets bored and eldritch blasts the mound.

Those nearby hear very angry hissing, and two dire weasels emerge. Mikhail sees them while jumping and dancing in the air. The weasels latch themselves onto the startled warlock. Raven throws a dagger, and Ariel heat deaths one of them. Theron fails to get them off and is being drained of blood and constitution, so Dara heals him some. Luminia flies lower and sings, and Dylan succeeds in hitting a weasel, although his blows have no effect. Raven tries again with a dagger but misses, Theron continues to take damage and fails to escape the weasels’ hold, Ariel heat deaths again, and Mikhail’s rod of wonder sends out a fireball. Dara casts blood to water on the brown weasel. Luminia decides that she wants some of the pretty fur, so she lands next to the brown one and attacks it to obtain fur. Dylan once again fails to have any effect; Raven’s dagger fares better. The black weasel detaches itself from Theron and latches onto Luminia, cursing and cussing at her for attacking his mate and telling her to get away from their lair. She tries to use her diplomacy skills on it, but it stays attached to her out of anger and spite. Ariel continues to use the effective heat death spell, but Mikhail’s lightning bolt fails to get through their spell resistance. Theron finally manages to flee the scene while Dara inflicts critical wounds on the brown weasel, which then latches itself onto her. Luminia bites and wings the one on her, Dylan still can’t hit anything, Raven scores a hit with his dagger, Ariel sends a firebolt…meanwhile, Mikhail has enlarged himself (while in midair, thanks to the rod of wonder). Spell resistance proves a problem as Theron casts an eldritch blast and Dara tries the spell harm. The brown weasel goes back into her lair while Luminia grapples with the one on her. Vaeria tries magic missile, Dylan once again fails to hit; after Raven throws a dagger at it, it finally dashes back to its lair. Luminia translates as the weasel tells us not to come back or more of the same will occur (it also says it will do nasty things to Luminia’s tail; she is rather abashed and insulted).

Mikhail and Vaeria think that the dire weasels are guarding something. Vaeria does a peace-offering dance with Mikhail assisting. The black one comes out and asks the black dragon to translate. They want to be friends now and are sorry for the misunderstanding; also, they will show the party something if everyone promises not to harm their lair. Everyone agrees and proceeds cautiously into the mound. Luminia burrows. Vaeria taunts Theron by shaking her ass. Everyone grovels past their brood so as not to get attacked by the dire weasels and their babies before reaching a secret door in the back. The party is told to go through and not come back, and the weasels pile rocks around the door after we enter. Raven, the sneakiest one, goes first. Ariel lights her hand on fire, and Vaeria casts light and slaps a handprint onto Mikhail’s now glowing face. There are two branches, and the party proceeds downward and to the left, although the rogue wanted to go off by himself (everyone followed him). They find dead bodies, apparently the result of a battle of minotaurs and Kagonesti that occurred before the apocalypse. Also down there are a vial with a sickly yellow potion, 6,000 steel pieces, a diamond (which Raven skillfully hides away), fifteen gems (the dragon takes the shinies), a very old scroll with teleport and suggestion still visible, a metamagic rod, and a ring of wizardry. Ariel snaps her fingers like a lighter. Dylan uses his friend the human lighter to light up a cigarette. They wait for everyone to divide up the loot.

As there was nothing else to be found down there, they go back up. Then the world turns upside down as the ceiling and floor both cave in and fall out from under them, burying the party under rubble. Between cloaks of arachnia, burrowing, teleporting, escape artistry, and fire blasting, they escape. Ariel accidentally hits Dara with the blast. Dara hates humans. Although Ariel is an Elan, she looks like a human. Dara hates humans even more. Everyone hates weasels.

The way up is blocked, but a natural tunnel continues onward. There are two flickering lights in front of them – two pillars of self-sustaining flame. Vaeria is dared to dance through them, and people exchange taunts. Ariel likes fire, so she walks up close. They converge on her, and Ariel is possessed by one of the pillars. The possessed Ariel sends a firebolt at the cleric. Dylan and Raven hide, and Theron and Mikhail run away. Ariel manages to get it out of her head. Vaeria sends magic missiles at it, and Luminia tries a dispel magic spell on it, but it does not work. Ariel is hit again and gets two negative levels. Dara the cleric thinks it might be undead, so she heal spells it for lots of damage. Dylan somehow thinks that they are toasters (but what are toasters?) and that Ariel is bread. Dara gets hit with its incorporeal touch and takes two negative levels. Theron effectively hits it with a cold missile, Vaeria swings gracefully, Luminia burrows in another direction, and Dara gets another two negative levels. She tries to turn undead but fails, and Dylan’s nonmagical sling bullets also have no effect. Raven moves into the next room via the ceiling. Mikhail runs, jumps, and hits – then they attack him. He gets four negative levels and is possessed. Ariel tries fighting fire with fire but to no avail. Vaeria dances in front of it, and Theron kills one with a cold missile. It goes poof. Vaeria crafts popcorn over Mikhail’s possessed head. Everyone waits for it to come out of Mikhail. Raven saps Mikhail until he falls unconscious. Ariel talks it into coming over to her; they all attack it, Raven drags the unconscious Mikhail out of the way, and Theron kills it. Theron is very pleased with himself.

*Important lesson learned: Toasters, whatever they are, are undead.*

Many people are in need of restoration. After Dara wakes Mikhail up, he takes everyone to paradise with his rod of splendor. Everyone heals, and they return to the scene of battle. There is a lot of dark energy – this was once a battlefield, and lots of hate is still around. Theron has to save against Vaeria’s seduction. He does and smirks. Raven hears wind and silently motions the party to stop. Theron loudly asks what’s going on. The wind gets louder. Theron is pushed to the front to use darkvision – some sort of necromantic magic is coming their way. All of them back up as a whirling of wind with flashing slashing blades hits the front five party members. Raven tumbles through it while Mikhail tumbles back through the party. Ariel warns everyone to stand back. Vaeria uses her breath weapon; Dara tries blood to water (doesn’t work). The thing they are fighting is a rage wind, an incarnation of all of the hate and anger of the former battlefield. It attacks Ariel eighteen times and doesn’t hit once. Mikhail fails with a fireball. Ariel does conflagration, better known as big boomy fiery death. Theron misses with an eldritch spear, Vaeria hits it with Melf’s acid arrow, Luminia hits it with her breath weapon and blender cone, and Dara tries to turn undead but can’t (not enough positive energy). It manages to hit Ariel a few times. Dylan moves forward and hits it while Raven on the other side throws a dagger but misses. Mikhail’s rod of wonder makes heavy rain fall. Ariel sets her sword on fire, Theron misses with an eldritch spear, Vaeria ghost-touches it, Luminia tries her eye lasers, Dara uses searing light but as it is incorporeal she misses, Dylan slices it, Raven daggers it, Mikhail causes grass to grow all around him in 160 square feet, Ariel hits it with her fiery sword, Theron does a blast, and Vaeria does a full attack and slices it to bits, after which she does a victory dance.

On the floor are twenty longswords and five of every nonmagical simple and martial slashing weapon in the player’s handbook. Dylan finds a helm of brilliance with one diamond, seventeen rubies, twenty four fire opals, and thirty five opals; he lets the dragon hang on to it. Thanks to the rod of wonder, the black dragon is now a green black dragon. There is one magical bastard sword in the mix – the blade is curved as if the smith was insane, and it gives off a strong chaotic evil aura. Theron, who found it, plays keep-away from Mikhail, who eventually exchanges 7500 steel pieces and a date with Vaeria for the sword. Ariel makes dirty jokes with shadow puppets and skulls. The chamber is not like a dungeon – it is not rocky enough. It used to be on the surface, as evidenced by the fossilized grass (not Mikhail’s grass, which is now burnt by Ariel’s fiery footprints). Theron pokes a fossilized tree in the wall, and rocks fall on his head. Raven slides behind it; then Luminia spits acid at the tree, and it falls on the party. All climb over the tree’s remains and continue onward.

Raven signals for a stop and goes ahead to investigate a grunting noise. There is an enormously fat ghoul with a distended mouth slashing at an invisible barrier in midair. It seems to have been trying to escape for a long time. Raven is distracted by sudden intense hunger pangs and goes back to the group to report. (While they waited for his return, Luminia sat on a tree stump stool and Dylan smoked). When everyone gets close they feel the hunger pangs. It tries to bite Ariel’s head off. Dylan attacks it while Raven tumbles through, getting hit in the process. Mikhail also tumbles and goes through the barrier. Ariel tumbles through as well, and Theron flees the scene to join the rest of the party on the other side. Vaeria runs through, and Luminia tries to fly through but is hit. Dara floats by as a gas. Having been abandoned by the rest of his party, Dylan spider climbs over. All reach the other side of the barrier, and Ariel heat deaths it and kills it, blowing it up into goo and rot and stick.

In the hallway is a glowing blue circle which seems very out of place. It is a teleportation circle that takes them back on the surface. As they go through one by one, each person emerges facing a row of long spears. After being asked, “Friend or foe?” they are prodded into barracks until the spear-holders determine the truth. Vaeria bluffs that her warfan is just a normal fan. All of their dangerous items are confiscated, and they are shut in a little room after being insured no harm would come to them.

Tveral Des-Ake, a human fighter cleric, was already in the barracks when the rest arrived. Two ogre guards stand aside as a short little kender comes through, radiating an aura of danger. Raven bluffs – look over there! – and tries to hide, but the kender notices him. “Who wants to be interrogated first?” Ariel volunteers. Ogres guard the rest while Ariel goes out. The guards ignore Vaeria’s dance. (They are gay and well disciplined.) Kender: “Who are you and why are you here?” Ariel: “I’m pretty sure my name is Ariel and I got here sometime yesterday because I think we got lost.” The kender explains: “You stepped in a teleportation circle. This city is a place for the survivors of the last cataclysm. Our leader (pause) Vidomina has set up teleportation circles throughout the world trying to lure the survivors in, but we haven’t received many, except for you. Ariel: “Vido…is she a dog?” Kender: “I have no comment.” It is pretty obvious that he hates the leader. He further explains: “We could send you away if you wish, you could buy food from us, or you could apply for citizenship in the city. Or you could just stay here for a time while you decide. What do you do?” She shows him fire, lighter style. “Interesting. I’m sure you have lots of self-control.” Ariel: “All the time, especially when I’m burning things. Especially people, they run around…only people I don’t like. Oh no, wouldn’t burn anyone in the city, unless they attack me.” Kender: “If you decide not to stay, you are given a day’s rations and sent out of the city.”

Calls “Next!” Vaeria is led out. “Who are you, why are you here?” Vaeria: “Who are you?” “I am Alton Ogrebane, captain of the guard.” Vaeria shares her story: “We got here after those weasels…pretty nasty, almost gnawed someone’s face off. We convinced them we weren’t going to harm them, but they led us into a trap.” He and his assistants think she is mental. “Can you work?” She offers to show him. “How would you demonstrate your planting finesse in this chamber?” She performs dance. The assistant drools, but Alton is nonplussed. “I suppose you could be an entertainer in the den. So, choice…city of the survivors, teleportation circles, blah blah…join us or no? This place is a reasonably safe haven.” Vaeria tells him that she is on a quest to find her father, so she’ll have to see. He smirks at her. “Would you like me to provide a guard for you?” She wants to stay in the city for awhile and accepts a guard (10th level female fighter). The she is led out and locked back in the room with the others.

Raven and Dylan are next. Explains, blah blah. They explain the short version of their story: they got trapped in a dungeon. Alton calls Dylan bad smelling and says Raven is sneaky. Dylan’s half-elf ears twitch. Raven questions him: “How many are in the city?” Alton: “Around 2,000 with new additions every month; you’re the biggest load we’ve had.” Raven: “What is your goal?” Alton: “To stay alive. You wouldn’t try to undermine the power structure of the city, would you? At least don’t attempt to stage a coupe and slaughter the civilians.” Raven: “I would never spend my time with such things. I might rob stuff, but that’s about it.” Alton objects to cigarettes. Dylan ignores that and introduces him to Steve the badger. He tells Dylan to go to the druid’s grove. Alton tells them that their leader caused crops to sprout from dead soil and that to stay in the city they will have to work two hours a week tending to crops in the field. Dylan: “What kind of person is leading this place?” Alton: “A half-elf cleric who claims she worships every god and spends all of her days praying.” Raven: “Is it possible for us to meet with Vidomina?” Alton: “That’s beyond my jurisdiction; you’d have to go to her dwelling place and ask for an audience.”

Luminia goes next. “You are a black dragon, are you not? That is, you’re supposed to be black…Care to share your story?” Luminia: “One of my careless companions hit me with a rod of wonder…I like nature, bunnies and butterflies, not your normal black dragon…I pulled a card and felt happy.” A guy comes in with holy symbol, nods, and leaves. Alton: “I assume you would not cause too much chaos in the realm. C heck out the Crying Jester in town for other dragons.”

Theron is next. He doesn’t move and grapples with the ogres to protest. In the room, he continues to protest, is shoved into a chair, and sits there sullenly. Alton: “Who are you and why are you here?” Theron: “Who’s asking?” Alton: “I am, and your fate is in my hands, so you should answer.” Theron: “I can sit here as long as it takes. Where am I, who are you, why are you in charge?” Alton: “I am in charge because I could kick your ass.” Theron: “Are you sure you don’t mean you could kiss my ass – you’re about the right size.” Alton: “If you want to try your strength against me, come by during training.” Theron: “Why do you get to be in charge of this place, little runt?” The kender manages to control himself. He replies: “All I want to determine now is whether you will burn our city or become a ‘productive’ member of ‘society.’” Theron: “…can’t I just leech and leave?” Alton: “That will earn you one day’s rations and a trip out the door. All you need to do to live here is work two hours a week to keep the body and soul of citizenry together.” Theron: “I’m not into necromancy.” Alton: “It’s growing food.” Theron: “Like growing shit?” Alton explains the cleric praying all day to make crops grow. Theron: “I heard all gods were ignoring us at this point.” Alton: “She seems to have made contact; I’m not going to question it. The rest of the time, you can do what you will. Anything more than food needed for survival you have to work for.” Theron says that it sounds like a good idea, but he really wants to find out about the god she’s made contact with to see if it is the same god that saved his life during the cataclysm. As far as Theron knows, Alton has bought his lie. Theron: “That sounds like a good deal, I can live with it.” Alton: “If you ever want to test your mettle against me…” Theron: “I’m more into blowing things up.”

He points to Mikhail and says “You, come here.” Mikhail the cautious is timid. Ogres hurl him out the door, and the kender goes nuts – “YOU ARE NOT TO ABUSE THE PRISONERS!!!” He kicks them both in the crotch, and they keel over and clutch themselves. Vaeria goes into hysterics. Mikhail doesn’t talk. Alton explains about being a productive member of society. Alton: “Swear that you won’t try to cause any trouble .” Mikhail: “Yep!” Alton: “Any place I can lead you?” He is relieved at finally getting some cooperation. Mikhail tells him that he is looking for a bloodstone on a golden chain. As Alton returns, the ogres cringe away, and Vaeria wets herself laughing. The others laugh, and Dylan smiles.

Clerics Dara and Tveral go next. Alton: “I see from your holy symbols that you are followers of two of the gods. It’s been awhile since we’ve had clerics here…it’s also been awhile since I’ve seen a kender.” He looks wistful for a second. “…anyways, since I see you are a cleric of Paladine…” He brings in the holy symbol man. Alton: “You wouldn’t charge evil?” Dara: “Well, I’d attack zombies.” Alton: “Please attack the zombies. I hope you realize that any attacks on city citizenry would be met by lethal force, so keep your bigotry to yourself.” Dara: “That is neither here nor there.” Tveral inquires about the Company of the Sword and is told to ask around at the Crying Jester. They are told that they can lodge in the barracks, but their best bet is the Crying Jester, though they are expensive.

Alton: “Well, the leaders of city will discuss your qualifications and decide whether they want you here.” The ogre guards are still clutching themselves. Ariel offers to cauterize their wounds for them. There is talk about burning out of prison. The anti-magic field prevents the spellcasters from doing anything. The ogres fight each other over Vaeria’s popcorn. Theron paces and chews on his thumb. The room is suddenly full of 600 large butterflies (thanks to the rod of wonder). Theron smacks them and yells. Dara runs around screaming. Ariel burns them one at a time. Theron: “Will somebody just let us out of here already away from all these nutcases?!!” Some functionary comes to the door, the butterflies all fly out, and Theron is relieved. Mikhail is now invisible. Then he realizes that the rod of wonder doesn’t work in the anti-magic field. It was a bad acid trip. The kender lets everyone out: “If you want directions, all you have to do is ask.”

Mikhail and Raven go to the mage tower: the whole place is crumbling, appearing as if either construction or demolition is going on. A guy with a staff comes out: “How can I help you?” Raven: “I’m looking for something in particular – a wand of golden strike.” The mage has to spend a night to prepare it. The cost is 200 steel pieces. Raven bargains, but the mage won’t let it go for less. Raven: “That’s fair enough.” Mikhail is also looking for something – it appears like an ordinary bloodstone, but it’s a powerful artifact that will extend the bearer’s life indefinitely. It is on a gold chain, and there are sparks inside the stone. The mage reports that the item has been long lost, and even so, the tower of high sorcery has collapsed and is in a sinkhole. Mikhail: “Just wondering if you’d heard of it.” The mage says that the tower at Palanthas is still haunted – “I doubt you would be able to get it.” Raven looks around the room. The guy looks young and naïve, but as the only real mage in town, he’s had to advance quickly and doesn’t know much about thievery. “Where are we?” The whole continent shifted so much after the second cataclysm that the mage has no idea. Raven checks out the guards…the population is peaceful, and they are mostly watching the food distributors.

Dara, Ariel, and Dylan go to the druid’s grove, and they pass rangers who see Ariel snapping her fiery fingers and alert the authority. They see what looks like a human hunched over walking towards them – a werewolf. Ariel: “Hi, are you Vidomina?” Werewolf: “No she’s in a palace. I don’t detect the scent of evil. Why are you here?” Dylan said that the kender told him to come; Ariel kinda wanted to come and didn’t want to make decisions. Werewolf: “Ah, you’re the new ranger.” Ariel is confused and asks Dylan: “You’re new?” Werewolf: “Culnamo has asked to see all of you. He’s the elder druid.” Ariel: “Sure, we can see Coldo.” They go to a grove of isolated trees. The werewolf approaches a druid in brownish robes who resembles an autumn tree. “Tamika, I have come to deliver these people to the elder.” Ariel tries to control her burning tendencies. The druids look at her suspiciously. They are brought into the presence of an aged elven druid, shriveled over and looking smarter than the rest of their companions. Elder: “Thank you, Ortinoth, that will be all for now. The spirits have told me of your arrival.” Dara: “What else did they tell you?” Elder: “Many things, most of which I may not share.” Dara: “Did they tell you I like fish?” Elder: “No. I have learned in my years that it is better to be blunt. You have come to this city to hopefully survive.” Ariel: “Not going to burn anything.” Elder: “You’d be trapped in ice if you did. Death is like an ex-wife, not something I prefer to talk about. Death is coming once too often, and it will someday claim me, but in the meantime I hope the planet will survive.” Dara: “Are you emo?” Elder: “No, I’m not.” Ariel: “Emus?” Elder: “Bad-smelling ranger, [Ariel interrupts – I burn him sometimes] I assume you are at least devoted to nature.” Dylan nods. “In this city, there is a grave threat to the balance of nature which may smudge out what remains of the life in this world. It is all around us, and it is so horrible and unnatural that the world may be torn asunder. Can you help?” Dylan: “How do we fight something we can’t see and is all around?” Elder: “Keep a close watch; not everything is as it seems. Watch for anything disrupting the balance of nature.” Dara looks under her foot. Ortinoth the werewolf comes back in. The elder asks him to please escort these people to the edge of the grove. “If they desire a service, provide it for them.” Steve was left outside playing with five year old kids. He’s perfectly content. Dara buys sock puppets of the werewolf and elder druid. Ariel is tempted to burn sock puppets; Dylan tells her that it’s not a good idea. The werewolf suggests a position at food storage for burning things.

Vaeria goes to Bohb’s House of Everything. She sees an old guy on the counter with a big staff. He glares at her. She intimidates him, but he still glares. She performs dance. “If you’re going to cavort about like an idiot, do it in the street and don’t distract paying customers.” Oddly, there don’t seem to be any paying customers around. Vaeria is looking for a change of wardrobe that is fire resistant. He suggests a leather outfit and goes into the back, shuffling and banging, swearing; he comes out, and on end of his staff is scanty black leather outfit. He thrusts it at her – “Is that what you’re looking for, you little hussy?” Vaeria: “Perhaps.” “That’ll be fifty steel pieces. Anything else?” Vaeria mentions that she is also looking for spell components. An expression of pain comes across his face when spell casting is mentioned. “Ok, what kind do you want?” His knuckles turn white as they grip his staff. Vaeria: “On second thought, I think I can hold off for now on that.” She gives him an extra 200 for his trouble.

Theron, Luminia, and Tveral go to the Crying Jester. On the way, Tveral gives Theron a mithral ring of shield other. There are two doors – a sad jester’s mask on one, a happy mask on the other. They feel slightly calmer as they enter happy door and then are hit with wave of sound – cheering and yelling and drinking sounds, and over top a huge ogre singing Trogdor’s burninating song at top of his lungs. An enormous brass dragon dominates entire room, taking up a whole corner. She shouts in a feminine voice: “Excellent work minotaur, I mean ogre.” She gives him a free drink, and he drinks it and eats the glass. Alton the kender of the guard is there acting more like a kender. Theron is mad because everyone is happy and he has headache, so he goes out and reenters through the sad face door. Luminia frolics over to the kender. Alton: “Hi there fat black green dragon, how are you?” He takes a swig from a mug twice as big as he is. “Quite well, quite well.” There is a call for more performers. Luminia goes up and sings and dances. She bursts out into a triumphant dragon song that leaves everyone awed. Lots of undergarments are thrown on stage near her. She puts the cleanest boxers on head. The brass dragon gives her free meals for a week. Tveral calls out a challenge of 100 steel for arm wrestling, best two out of three – a burly dragon accepts his challenge. The first one Tveral wins, she wins the second, and the third is a tie. They buy each other a drink. Tveral buys drinks for everyone and everyone likes him, including women.

Theron meanwhile has entered the sad room. There is total silence except for one person on stage talking about cruel life and reading bad poetry. An emo shadowdragon presides over the bar. [Emo is an alignment that overwhelms everything.] “Yes, what do you want?” Theron: “Give me a nice drink, not too expensive and not too strong, something to take edge off of the other room.” He is given a slightly carbonated beverage, like emo champagne. The dragon’s eyes are reddish as if he’s been bawling. Theron feels angsty calmness and moodiness. He also feels an urge to write bad poetry. The dragon looks pretty wise, like he knows a lot. Theron: “How did you wind up in a place like this?” Dragon: “I’m supposed to ‘defend’ the city from the ‘horrible invaders.’ Mostly I just run this place – my partner in the other room wanted to run an actual tavern. Glimmer is her name. Munwythrix is mine. What are names, really, but connections to this disgusting existence that we all share.” Theron: “Wow.” To be or not to be, blah blah blah. A depressed gnome on stage recites a suicidal poem and then pretends to kill himself with a dagger and has to be dragged off stage. Theron: “If you need some help with that I can assist you!” He gets a couple of glares. He turns and asks Munwythrix: “Know why this place has food and nothing else does?” Munwythrix: “They say that the cleric prays and makes crops grow. I know for a fact she is not a cleric, but the crops are growing, so the people are satisfied.” The dragon kills a bug with an inflict minor wounds spell; Theron grins from ear to ear and slips him 5 steel pieces. “The world sucks, I’m on your side, man.”

Theron and Raven then head to the temple. Theron gets there first. He sees a longhaired person with wavy brown hair offering up a bunch of meat to one of the many altars in the room. It looks somewhat like a pantheon. There is a mural on the wall of all the gods that looks like it was stolen from somewhere. The priestess is chanting. A couple of people are in corners praying. He walks near the high priestess, taps her on shoulder, and asks if she is that Vidomida chick. She turns as the offering burns on the altar. Her lip curls upwards as she sees Theron’s eyes, but she rearranges herself quickly. “Yes, my child, what can I help you with?” Theron rolls his eyes. She is not contemptuous because he is evil; she just doesn’t like him for some reason. Theron: “Any of these deities responding recently?” Priestess: “They are all responding, my child, you only need to know how to ask. Vidomina stays in her tower and prays, and power flows out from her and works chemicals to make the soil become fertile. Theron: “Which god is answering?” “All of them, my child. The evil gods are not as evil as they say; even evil wants to renew the world.” Theron: “Good for them.” Raven notices that this temple is arranged differently – the room is misshapen with a slight lump where neutral and evil clash. The priestess is like an aging hippie. Raven gives her gold for a wand of grave sight; she takes 200 for it, but just about 15 get offered to the gods (as opposed to 20, which would be the proper 10%). He turns around and walks out.

Ariel, Dylan, and Dara go to the food storage place. They open a door marked Food Storage and enter a wave of cold: the entire floor is a layer of ice. There are shelves and shelves and shelves of food. Ariel is unhappy with all the cold. She knows that it would be bad to set to food place on fire. They wait outside for a person to ask about cooking. A black bearded dwarf comes out and yells “Close the freaking door, asshat.” Ariel: “I’m just looking for a cooking area that’s not frozen.” “Yeah, it’s right in here.” He points to the door behind him. It is even colder in the next room. Despite the cold, the dwarf is in shorts and chainmail shirt. Ariel calls him crazy. Dwarf: “The cold is wonderful!” Steve the badger ice skates. The fire around her makes Ariel knee deep in water. The dwarf fires a ray of ice at her feet. She jumps free and firewalks. He’s pissed and shoves her through the door. “Why are you here?” “I’m here to help cook – I can do fire. You noticed the fire, right? Good, then I don’t have to tell you about it.” Dwarf: “There are plenty of things you can burn, but not here; this is food storage.” They are sent to a building nearby, and Ariel is shown how to make bread. She gets ranks in craft toast. She’s a toaster! No, she can’t be a toaster! [They’re undead, you know.]

They gather information around town and then sleep. Some sleep in the Crying Jester; Dylan stays in the grove. Something very heavy descends on the back of his head. A minotaur leaves and runs off when he jumps up. Although rangers were sleeping nearby, no one responds to his shouts. Then he gets hit again and goes unconscious. Steve finds someone, and they return to find Dylan knocked out. Everyone else in the grove area was either knocked out or had sleep cast on them. Dylan comes to with a werewolf snout in his face. “They took Culnamo, our druid elder. Help, please.” Dylan agrees to help. He goes to the Crying Jester riding on the werewolf’s dire wolf animal companion. They dash through the streets, barreling people out of the way. Ariel is sitting and meditating on the roof. “Breakfast is not that great, I had to burn it myself.” She firewalks off the roof and goes inside to get everyone else. “Wake up or I’ll burn your eyebrows off. Oh, you’re awake. Can I burn them off anyway?” The druid situation is explained. Theron: “What’s in it for me?” Ariel: “You can watch me be hot for awhile.” That works for Theron. Ariel likes the smell of smoke, so Dylan (cigarette smoke) and Theron (brimstone) smell good to her. They send a note with the dire wolf to Raven and Mikhail. They don’t care and ignore the note.

The rest of them return to scene of the crime. The symbol of a thieves’ guild was scratched on a tree and then hastily scratched out. The werewolf and wolf sniff the ground and track. Dara mocks Ortinoth with her hand puppet of him. They come to a blank wall, and the trail ends. There is a very faint magical aura as if some spell had been cast here – some sort of vamping. Something smells of alcohol, and there is a bit of broken glass, like from an ale mug. Dara is still moving her hand puppet. The wolf growls to Ortinoth that the alcohol came and went with the minotaur. Dara thinks it came from the other tavern in town because there is a “u” on glass and there is no “u” in Crying Jester. Ortinoth puts his paws on their shoulders: “I’m trusting you to bring our elder back; I have to take care of grove in his absence.” Luminia calls Dara an asshat.

Raven and Mikhail think about attacking the mage in the tower but then see rest of party chasing after a dire wolf and a werewolf. They come along.

All go to the Naughty Nimbler, which is in the seedy part of town where people ejected from the Crying Jester have gathered. Inside is drinking, sex in the corner, some mugs stolen from the Crying Jester… They hear thumping from upstairs. Theron goes up and sees a minotaur having rough sex with an elf. Theron tries to yell loudly but his voice cracks. Downstairs the bartender says that Steve is not allowed. Dylan puts him in his backpack. Vaeria convinces him to let Steve stay. Dylan goes up to check, but it is not the same minotaur as he saw last night. Raven sticks a dagger to the minotaur’s neck and checks his face, just to be sure. Fortunately no one is scarred for life by that vision. On his way down, Dylan pulls fourteen year old Mikhail along and discourages him from going to look. The elf doesn’t exactly look female (or male). Ariel wants to have sex with a fire elemental. Dylan asks the bartender about the old druid. He gives the party drinks and goes to check. Theron yells at Dylan for telling the bartender so openly. Drinks are set on fire. The bartender is still not back. They go to look in the kitchen. Others in the bar are enjoying flaming volcano drinks. Vaeria dances. Patrons of the bar swarm her. “Hey pretty baby…” She squirms out, but a mob of ten guys and one horny girl rip off ribbons and part of her new leather outfit. She runs to the kitchen, where she leans against a section of wall to catch her breath. It shakes. She manages to open the door without all of the pans going everywhere.

Tveral and Raven go in front, Mikhail and Luminia take the back, and the others are in middle. Luminia makes the pans crash as she comes through. They walk on down. A fireball goes off. Most avoid it. They enter a diamond-shaped room with two doors/passages. Both have been used sort of recently. They go left and walk into an area full of makeshift cell boxes. One of them has a desiccated corpse – it is checked, poked, and burned. Dylan thinks that everyone in town has been here recently. Mikhail finds a ring. Raven finds a loose brick and pulls it out; the rest look loose. Tveral bullrushes the wall. It opens like a door, and he trips over the rise and slides into a wall. It’s the Quintessential Secret Passage. They go down it single file and crawling. The dragon gets stuck but finally squirms in. Mikhail hears breathing: a huge minotaur with a great big falchion is outside the passage. He sneak attacks and smotes poor Mikhail. Ouch. Luminia slides in, encouraged by Mikhail’s yell and the splotching sound. Mikhail tumbles, and the minotaur disappears. The dragon scrambles through the tunnel with Mikhail on her tail, pushing everyone else in her way.

They come out of tunnel in a slightly dark room lit by a single torch with what looks like a hallway leading back to cells. There is a humongous black statue in front of them. It looks like it might belong in some kind of dark temple. It lurches into life and comes at Raven and Theron. Raven hides in the dark and sneaks around. Mikhail remains in the tunnel. Ariel stays a little distance away. Vaeria shenanigans it and doesn’t hit. Tveral charges in, gets bit, and glances it. Theron acid blasts it. Dara casts searing light on its head. It hits Vaeria with bites and claws Tveral. Luminia is trapped in the tunnel again. Raven tries to put out the light. Theron sees that it looks like a merging of three gods. Mikhail throws a mindblade at it but doesn’t hit. Ariel hits it with a firebolt. Vaeria tumbles full speed away. Dylan moves up. Raven sees someone else skulking in the shadows. Tveral full attacks with longsword and spiked gauntlet. Theron stony grasps it – a large stone fist comes up and tries to grapple but fails. Dara does another searing light spell, but the statue absorbs the spell and gets power from it. It attacks Tveral, who flies 10 feet away and falls prone, nearly dead. Luminia uses her laser eyes. Raven sees the minotaur; its eyes are fixed on Dara. Raven climbs up on the ceiling and takes out the torch, Ariel’s fire illuminates for those without darkvision. Mikhail throws another mindblade, but it sinks in and bounces off. Ariel does another firebolt. Dara sees the minotaur; it is bummed that she saw him. Theron does a brimstone eldritch blast. Dara casts ice flowers on the minotaur, but it dances out of the way. The minotaur attacks Raven. Dylan attacks the statue and gets hit. Raven moves along the wall above the minotaur. Mikhail tumbles over to Tveral, hits him with a staff of healing, and tumbles back. Ariel firebolts the statue again. Vaeria magic missiles the statue. It eats her spell. The minotaur attacks the pyro. Theron blasts it. Tveral is recovered but prone and casts cure on himself. Dara searing lights the minotaur. The huge statue materializes an enormous flail in all three of its hands and enters into a frenzy. Dylan gets hit and in pain withdraws towards Dara. Luminia backs into the tunnel and laser eyes the statue. Raven throws a dagger at the minotaur. Mikhail tumbles up to Tveral and heals him. Ariel uses her flaming rapier on the minotaur; it disappears into the shadows. Tveral is recovered and attacks the statue. Theron hits with a blast, and Dara casts cure crit on Dylan. It attacks Mikhail and Tveral. Tveral is back down again, but Dylan cures him for a bit. Raven throws dagger at the statue. Mikhail determines that it’s an outsider. Ariel hits it with a firebolt. Vaeria tumbles in with her warfan. Tveral cures himself. Theron kills it with another blast, it goes crash. The party killed the overgod aspect. A secret passage opens up behind it.

Those hit by the minotaur don’t heal due to cursed wounds from the falchion. They tromp along. Sitting at a table, totally oblivious, is the leader of thieves’ guild, gloating over stealing the elf away: not very smart for a thief. The minotaur appears, wounds healed, and backhands the guy, saying “You IDIOT, didn’t you see that they’re here? Now fight them, bitch.” He leaps over the table and charges at Raven, more afraid of the minotaur than all nine party members put together. AHHHH! Raven stabs with his dagger. Mikhail throws a mindblade at him. Ariel heatdeaths the fighter. Vaeria shenanigans him. The minotaur backs away, and there is a click and a roar; two dire tigers burst out and charge Theron and Vaeria. Tveral moves into the room past the fighter. Theron casts hellrime. Dara uses blood to water on one of the tigers: it looks really really weak now. From the corners of the room appear four rogues who take potshots. Dylan attacks a rogue. The fighter attacks Raven, and he sneak attacks him in return. Mikhail wards himself against ranged attacks and moves away from everybody else. The tigers attack Theron. Luminia hits the rogue on Dylan. Tveral attacks. Theron bashes the weak tiger’s head in. Dara flame strikes a rogue in the corner. Dylan’s rogue and the flame striked one run away. The others fire at Ariel. Deprived of his rogue, Dylan goes over to the fighter. Luminia picks on the fighter as well. Raven does a coup de grâce on the fighter. Mikhail jump attacks the dire tiger. Ariel focuses her psionic energy. Vaeria shoots a Melf’s acid arrow at the prone tiger. Tveral goes after a rogue in a corner. Theron blasts a rogue. Dara flame strikes a person in the corner, but it saves for nothing. Both rogues run away – they touch the walls and disappear into them. Luminia charges and bites a tiger; it dies. Raven coup de grâce the other tiger. Out of the shadows, the minotaur hits Tveral, who falls paralyzed and unconscious; the minotaur grabs him and attempts to drag him off. Ariel does heatdeath damage. Theron blasts him. Dara casts blood to water on him. Dylan slings bullets at him. The minotaur flees and passes out. There is still no sign of the druid.

Mikhail leaves the party and buys a vacant lot outside the city walls, where he sets up an instant fortress, in which he lives cautiously. Skyler the half-elf half- blue dragon cantor seeker of the song joins the party.

• Treasure from last time:
• 1300 platinum (13,000 steel)
• “Prayer” book
• Rose made of silver (partially broken)
• Ivory statuette of a skeleton
• A box (with platinum)
• Silk tapestry of the five-headed dragon goddess
• Jeweled scepter with an eagle on top (faint magical evil unholy aura)
  - Vaeria and Theron grapple over it and Theron wins
• Jeweled crown that looks like a five-headed dragon with a huge diamond worth 5,000 steel
• Another tapestry of a huge golden eagle with bloody claws that’s killing things
• Another fine silk tapestry full of undead and crap
• Another box
• Some steel plating with fine artwork ripped off the altar
• A cup (looks like an unholy grail)
• Another box that smells really nasty like troll farts
• Sacrificial knife
• Steel broach of a skeleton
• Plate that looks like it goes with the unholy grail
• A huge damaged steel statue of a skeleton
  - Theron eldritch blasts it, wears it down a bit by removing a rib
  - Vaeria slaps him, Theron slugs her back
• On the dead bodies:
• 45,500 steel
• Two sets of full plate
• +3 heavy steel shield
• Amulets of natural armor +1 and +2
• Two rings of protection +2
• +3 greatsword
• +1 shortsword
• Gloves of dexterity +2

While waiting for the rest of the party to show…Raven buys poison from Bohb. Vaeria dances in front of his guards. Bohb tosses the poison at him; Raven catches it dexterously, says “Bastard,” and walks out. Bohb came from the ruins of a high tower of sorcery before it fell into a sinkhole. He came to town with a bag of holding, dumped the contents into a building, and opened Bohb’s Shop o’ Everything. He hates everyone and everyone hates him. Certain magical items attract the guy, including the rod of wonder. Raven picks up his wand from the gnomish mage. Then he tries to get in to see Vidomina but is turned away. Dylan wanders around looking for people he knows. Vaeria searches for a bag of tricks in the mage tower and is told to come back in three days.

Back down in the dungeon before any of the previous happened…they don’t find the druid, and the minotaur escaped. They loot everything. Dylan finds a bit of fur in a piece of full plate that looks like wolf-fur. He recalls that the elder druid Culnamo was wearing some wolf-fur. Ariel burns the bodies, and Vaeria dances around the fire. As they go down the hallway, Vaeria searches for traps; Ariel gets bored and goes on, falling into a pit full of poisonous spikes. Something else goes click, and all get hit with a prismatic spray. Vaeria goes insane, Luminia avoids going insane, Ariel enjoys the fire that hits her, Dara gets constitution damage and almost dies, and Dylan gets electricity damage. Dara heals herself and tries to fix Vaeria’s insanity…Vaeria hits Dara, but Dara heals her and makes her not crazy. Theron also goes insane, and Dara heals him. Mikhail goes insane and attacks Dylan. Then he poofs out and goes to live in his instant fortress. Back in the Naughty Nibbler, the people they gave the drinks to are drooling inner organs out onto the floor. The thumping is still going on upstairs. Vaeria flees. Ariel pokes a body with her foot, and it spurts out lung goo. Raven loots the bodies and catches filth fever, but he gains 50 steel and a silver ring worth 25 steel. They leave the bar. Raven alerts one of the guards, but they look like they don’t care because it’s the bad part of town. Ariel burns Vaeria’s hand at her request (she is fire resistant, and they both enjoy it).

Back at the druid’s grove, they report to the werewolf; the fur did belong to the druid elder. Ortinoth the werewolf wants Culnamo back, as there is something going on involving nature that he can’t understand. He says that the portents are confusing, and he needs the elder druid to explain them. Dylan asks about burrowing through the caved-in tunnels. Ortinoth does not think that that plan will work, but he knows someone who knows the city very well. He sends a ranger to fetch Skyler. Dara: “I know where the elder druid is (pulls out hand puppet).” Ariel: “Why does he have a hand up his ass?” Dara: “He likes it.” Raven wants to arrange a meeting with Vidomina; if they rescue the elder, Ortinoth promises to do what he can. A druidess comes riding up on a unicorn (Ariel – Oh, she must be a virgin). She vaults off the unicorn, and the werewolf talks with her in hushed tones on the side. The unicorn comes up to Luminia. Then the druidess jumps back onto unicorn and rides off, and the werewolf follows riding his dire wolf. Before he goes, Raven asks him about his lycanthropy. Ortinoth has a different strain of lycanthropy…as if he had been born this way: “When I bite people, they don’t turn into werewolves.” Raven has Ortinoth bite him. Then Ortinoth goes to a stream and washes his mouth off. “We will reward you with nature’s blessings if you bring back the elder druid.” Dara wants pie.

They sleep either in the druid’s grove or in the Crying Jester. Ariel listens to loud annoying songs sung by a female kender and bobs her head to the music. The song is incredibly annoying, but the dragoness Glimmer loves it. Dara casts light on two sticks and raves. Vaeria and Ariel play with the torches to create strobe lights. Vaeria, Dara, Skyler, and Ariel get laid and keep right on going for awhile. Vaeria and Ariel get together. Ariel is really really sick in the morning but is very happy. Skyler and Vaeria feel sick too, but Dara feels like she could keep going. Luminia asks around about unicorns, but the only unicorn is the one that the druidess rides around town. Raven and Dylan had a peaceful night in the grove. Theron was in the emo side of the place and recited poetry about death and bloodshed…the first poem was good, but second was bad (which is good for emo). The shadowdragon offers to perform a service for him, a favor of sorts in exchange for the poetry. Dara goes around humping random bodies. Theron gets Klingon food and thinks it’s awesome. Ariel cooks it thoroughly; it explodes. They divide up the loot and then go to rescue the druid.

Dylan remembers that when the minotaur loomed out of the darkness and hit him over the head he had a noticeable scar across his forehead and cheek and onto his chest. Skyler asks around about the minotaur. Some of his hangouts are the Naughty Nibbler, Bohb’s Shop o’ Everything, and the Temple of All Gods. Skyler suggests that they go to Bohb’s. Theron gets bored and goes back to the Crying Jester to talk to the emo dragon. He calls in his favor and shows Munwythrix the shadowdragon the scepter. Munwythrix tells Theron that it is a warlock scepter with 34 charges. Back at Bohb’s, they throw the unwanted stuff on the counter. He offers half its worth, but everyone barters and it goes up to 65%. They ask Bohb about the minotaur. He says he doesn’t know. He’s lying. He likes button-pushing magic items. Skyler: “I’ve got a rod of wonder.” Bohb: “What did you say? For a rod of wonder, maybe I do know this minotaur. Well, I don’t know his name, but he is one of my best customers…[shuts windows, closes door]…last time he was here, he bought ginger, desiccated sea urchins, and several bottles of cheap wine.” Some of the spellcasters think he might be making poison. Bohb doesn’t know where he lives, but he says that he hangs out near the Naughty Nibbler. Bohb grabs the rod – “My precious” – and shoos everyone out. Then he goes to the back to enjoy it.

Next they try the temple. “Hello my children,” the priestess greets – “What offerings have you brought?” Skyler offers an amulet of health +8...however, it’s a fake. Luminia: “Why take things when there are no gods? I was there when they left us.” Priestess: “Perhaps your faith is not strong enough, my child. What do you want here?” Theron gets in front of her: “They’re present, but are they answering?” In response, she creates a statue – “I’d say they are answering quite well.” Skyler next offers a scroll of heroism. She tells him that the gods prefer steel. Theron tells her that they are looking for a minotaur. She will let them explore the temple, but they have to make offerings. Dylan throws a few steel pieces on an altar and goes off followed closely by temple acolytes, but Dara puts 150 steel on her god’s altar and is allowed to wander around freely. Skyler puts 146.25 steel on his and can also wander around freely. Theron: “The room’s shaped weird, why?” The priestess wonders that they can expect a square temple when it was created from ashes. Ariel sits down in front of the altar to the fire god and meditates. Dylan climbs up the wall with his spider-climbing cloak, and they get pissed. Vaeria dances and is booted out of the temple. Dara windwalks. Theron finds a secret compartment on one altar and grabs the book within, exclaiming loudly “Oooh, what is this?” The book is ripped out of his hands, and he is ejected. Dylan climbs out via the walls. Skyler fascinates the temple-goers by singing hymns to his god. He converts most of the people in the temple to the obscure elven music god. He then suggests that they let him examine the statue. The priestess looks pissed, so he walks out. Raven goes in to steal the book. He snags it, but one of them notices. Raven casts dimension door and gets outside the temple, where he gives the book to Theron. The book is in common: it is their budget, and it shows large donations from the palace. Skyler goes back in to worship some more. The priestess really hates him. He praises all the gods and performs nicely, so all in the temple go back to their own religions. Skyler looks at Paladine’s statue. It is odd-shaped, and there is a crack under the statue. He tries the spell mend and it doesn’t mend; it was built that way. He opens it a bit and sees the gleam of platinum before it slams down on his fingers. The priestess glares at him and asks that he please refrain from touching the altars. She says that this is where the excess offerings are kept. He offers platinum, and she thanks him muchly. Then she says: “Please take your crazy friends and leave.” Raven votes to rob the temple. Skyler says no. Ariel wanders out.

They finally return to the Naughty Nibbler, where bouncers hit them and throw them out. Vaeria diplomacizes while Raven disguises himself and walks in looking like a half-elf male. Dara turns into a gaseous form and walks in. Skyler walks in easily, as he was not with the party on the last misadventure. Luminia tries to make her own door and slams her head against the wall. Dylan hides and sneaks it with Vaeria’s distraction help, which involved her breasts in the face of a guard. Theron accidentally runs into a guard’s chest. The one guard says that if Vaeria gives him a kiss, he’ll let her in. Ariel offers to kiss Vaeria. The ogre guards would rather have kisses from each of them, however, and both French kiss Ariel and Vaeria sloppily; the two feel gross but are let in. Skyler learns that the barkeep might know where the minotaur is. The barkeep is a new one this time. The guards notice Luminia and converge on her. Vaeria bluffs that the dragon is her pet. As long as she is on a leash, they will let her in. Ariel put a shiny ribbon on her for leash. The ogre that was run into comes at Theron and bashes his head in very nicely. Vaeria crafts popcorn. Skyler learned to craft popcorn from Vaeria’s father. Dylan eats some of Vaeria’s popcorn as everyone inside enjoys the show. Theron blasts the ogre and yells that it was a freaking accident. “Out, out, get out!” the ogre bellows. He hits Theron again. Blasts again, bash again…the ogre hits himself in the knee and crumples to one side. The other guard is afraid of Theron and cringes away. Theron walks into the bar with a bit of a swagger.

All are now in bar. Skyler talks to the barkeep, who is friendly but denies knowing anything about the minotaur. He’s lying, however. The warlock intimidates, and they are pretty sure that the next drink he serves will be urine delight (he wets himself). “Don’t hurt me!” He stutters incoherently and faints. Everyone in the bar applauds and grabs drinks from behind the counter. Raven and Dylan notice a dwarf slipping out the front door. Theron suggests that Ariel torture him with fire. Vaeria claws him, and he wakes up. Theron calls him a wanker and tells him to talk. “Where is the minotaur…tell us and you walk out of here alive.” He is more scared of the minotaur, but getting blasted is the more immediate danger. He staggers up to the bar, gets a map, and says that the minotaur lives under the barracks while pointing to the granaries. “Now please just go away…” He throws money at Theron to bribe him to go away. Vaeria picks it up. Theron tells them to walk out. A bunch of the guys in the room leer and want Vaeria to dance. The bard converts everyone to his god again. Vaeria flees and drags Ariel with her. Theron: “We need to go to the inner city and the granaries.” Ariel, Dara, and Dylan warn the rest that it’s cold and there’s a dwarf there.

They get to the granaries and are hit with wave of incredible cold as they open the door. The dwarf comes out: “Close the freaking door!” Dara closes the door. They ask him about construction problems in basement like a hole or tunnel. He asks, “What’s in it for me?” Dylan: “We don’t burn the place down.” He looks incensed at this. Skyler offers him an amulet of health +8, but it is nearly shattered with his fist of ice. Theron offers a mithral ring so that they can just take a look around…the dwarf says that the ring plus 150 steel is a deal. He wanders out to the back room. There is a trapdoor through the bottom of the ice coating the floor. Ariel melts the ice. There is a colder room below full of food stuffs like dairy products. Another trapdoor is beneath the ice; Ariel melts through again. Dylan opens the door. Below is more incredible cold. Skyler finds another door as well as a couple platinum frozen under ice. They burn, open the door, and go down. When Dara opens the door, they see a layer of ice that blocks the next layer down. On this floor there are whole cows in big walls of ice. After Ariel burns through, Skyler dislocates his arm trying to open it. Theron was about to brimstone eldritch blast it when Skyler opens it suddenly. They go down to yet more freaking cold. Another door, same deal. Theron brimstone blasts it. Pieces come off, and a united effort gets it up. Semi- warm air rushes through. They tumble/climb/fly down.

People use darkvision or fire to go on in the darkness. The stone is rough- hewn, as if someone adapted tunnels beneath city to this purpose. Raven goes in front and searches for traps. They cross into the passage and hear a ding ding ding like an alarm spell just gone off. Three doors to the side all burst open, and guards come pouring out. Raven hides. Vaeria takes full defense, Ariel sets her rapier on fire, and Skyler begins to sing a burning melody, making everyone gain a fire resistance of15. One of the fighters comes charging out madly at Raven, hitting him with a bastard sword. Luminia prepares a blood spicket. A rogue hides behind the door with a crossbow cocked and fires at Theron. It doesn’t hurt him too much, and the rogue looks angry. Theron is also angry and blasts the rogue with an utter dark blast because he’s pissed and wants to blast his fucking head off. Dara hits the rogue with earth reaver. Two fighters charge Skyler with his displacement and greater luminous armor, but only one hits. Dylan flanks the one on Raven and hits. Two more hidden rogues snipe Dara. One chinks off her armor, and one hits. Raven sneak attacks with the flanking. Vaeria tumbles through and sneak attacks the fighter on Raven and Dylan. Ariel does an attack on a fighter on Skyler. Skyler adds the refrain of the burning melody and sends out a cone of fire, hitting party members too. The fighter crits on Raven – “I’m not going down alone!” Luminia tries to stab a fighter close to Skyler with a blood spicket but stabs Skyler on accident. One rogue runs away (the one that Theron blasted). Theron does a vitriolic blast for acid damage on another rogue. Dara changes blood to water on a fighter on Skyler. Two fighters flank Skyler and attack him. Dylan kills the fighter in front of him. Two rogues try to shoot arrows at Theron. Raven flanks a fighter on Skyler and hits it. Vaeria tries to attack another fighter. Ariel heat deaths a rogue…he blows up boiled from the inside. Skyler does another cone. Theron attacks one of the fighters with acid. Dara heals critical mass, and Dylan hits the remaining rogue, who runs away. Vaeria does a happy victory dance.

They enter the door in front that the rogues had fled into. Theron detects magic while Raven checks for traps. Raven opens the door to an empty room with a round table in the middle with cards on it. Skyler detects magic in the room as three big blades come out of nowhere and strike him: three minotaurs, one with red fur, one with tan, and one with black. As Raven tumbles through, one attacks him, and he attacks another by flanking it with Skyler. Vaeria tumbles, flanks another one, and hits it. One minotaur attacks Skyler again but misses. Ariel sends out a firebolt but misses. Skyler drinks a potion of invisibility and two take attacks of opportunity; he moves back. Luminia uses her eye lasers on one. Theron blasts the black one, who now looks weak. Dara searing lights the same one but misses. The other two minotaurs flank Raven, but both miss. Dylan brings the black one down and cleaves into the brown one. Raven tumbles out of their range and throws his dagger but misses. Vaeria crits on one. Ariel hits one with a firebolt. Skyler fires three arrows at them and does brilliant energy, and the red one goes down and dies. Luminia uses eye lasers again on the tan one. Theron attacks the remaining tan one, hits it, and blasts it. Dara searing lights it, and he dies. Vaeria performs coup de grâce on the black one on the ground. She carries around his trachea. From the minotaurs they gain three +1 chain shirts, a belt of giant strength +4, two gloves of dexterity +2, and a weird device, which turns out to be something for putting contact poison on blades. Vaeria grabs the slightly damaged deck of playing cards.

The tunnel opens up into a huge abandoned open chamber. Raven runs into the room, and nothing happens. They search the room: on the opposite wall is another hallway. On the northeast is a door. Theron finds a secret entrance like the one under the Naughty Nibbler. Some hear chanting behind the door. It is a scrying spell. Vaeria whips her trachea around and prepares. Ariel activates her nimbus, so she is fiery all over. Skyler starts singing. The singing within stops. Raven stands guard in the back. Ariel opens the door. Vaeria’s Melf’s acid arrow goes off and hits someone, and Ariel is hit by a spell from within and barely avoids getting disintegrated … part of her is turned to sand. Two fighters come out and attack her. Both miss. Dara’s firestorm goes off, and the wizard doesn’t save. Skyler uses his breath weapon, fells the wizard, and mops up the fighters. They had known that they were here. Since they can’t get in the secret room, they go down the hallway, which is filled with rubble. Across from the hallway is a cell containing the elder druid; his right leg has been chopped off with the cursed falchion. Dylan talks to him. Raven and Vaeria watch everyone’s backs. Dara holds up the hand puppets of the druid and the werewolf. Culnamo is ill-tempered. He says that they kidnapped him because he was a little too open about the fact that there was something unnatural going on in this city…someone reported his conversation with Ariel, Dylan, and Dara to the government, who set the thieves’ guild on him. The government is apparently not all it appears to be. They look in other cells and find an old tattered merchant guy with a goatee. Skyler lets him out, and he squeals. He is Kilraven. The last cell is empty, and they search it. Skyler and Dara go in, and the door slams shut behind them. Dara gaseous forms out. Skyler finds a ring in a pile of refuge, a ring of minor acid resistance. Raven gets him out. Luminia questions the druid: “Do you know the druidess Tamika with the unicorn?” They talk for a bit. Dara pokes him with the werewolf puppet, and he glares. There are signs of a hasty exit, most likely because the party killed everyone else rather quickly. The druid says that it would probably be good idea to go back the same way they came in. He looks pretty frail and rides on Luminia’s back. Skyler carries Kilraven.

They start going back; then the secret door comes open with a clang clang clang. They encounter a megapede. It crawls out and moves in to eat them. Raven hides and moves silently. Dara flame strikes but doesn’t overcome spell resistance. Dylan stays behind Ariel, knowing she is likely to implode. Skyler inspires courage with words of creation and moves to join Raven. Luminia moves to the back to get the old druid to safety. Culnamo casts mass bear’s endurance. Vaeria fails spell resistance on magic missiles. The megapede goes up and bites Skyler, draining con and dex. Ariel does a conflagration and explodes, damaging it. Raven moves up and flanks and hits it. Dara uses the spell ice flowers. Dylan gets hit with a tentacle and then hits it…only the shocking on his trident does much good. Theron blasts it. Skyler sings burning melody and the refrain, blasting it with a cone of fire. Then he moves back, and it hits him; Skyler is in great pain. Luminia tries eye lasers, but it’s not evil. She prepares her blender cone. Culnamo prepares an action. Vaeria tumbles through and uses her breath weapon. It attacks her. Theron does a dark blast. The megapede attacks Skyler with tentacles and bites. Skyler dies. Culnamo steps in and casts words of power…silken threads encase Skyler’s body in a cocoon; if he is raised, he’ll take no constitution or level loss. At the end of the week, he will be automatically reincarnated. Ariel firebolts it. Raven sneak attacks it, but not for much…it doesn’t take stabbing damage well. Dara does another ice flower. Dylan manages to do a little damage. Luminia breath attacks it with the blender. Vaeria flanks it and hits it. Theron tries to hit, but it resists his attack. It attacks Dylan. Dylan dies. Culnamo staggers out, and it hits him; he is almost dead, but he casts last breath on Dylan so that he is stable at -1. Ariel firebolts, Raven stabs it, Dylan is healed by Dara, and Dylan heals Culnamo. Luminia jumps in and guards the druid. Vaeria shenanigans and attacks but doesn’t hit. Theron blasts it. It is angry at Luminia for taking away its meal and attacks her, raking her with tentacles. Culnamo prepares a healing spell, and Ariel blows the megapede up. It dies. Vaeria dances in the gore. Dara casts cure poison on Vaeria. Dylan uses his tracking skills to get everyone out.

The druid grove rewards them for returning their elder, so they all receive blessings from nature. Vaeria trades sorcerer levels to druid levels. Skyler is reincarnated as a half-orc half-dragon after a week has passed. Luminia gets improved dexterity on her armor. Raven takes inflicted lycanthropy. Dylan has a contingent cocoon cast on him. Dara gets spell penetration as a bonus feat. Theron can wildshape once a day, Skyler has wings, and Ariel can shape-shift into a fire elemental once a day. Treasure: bracers of armor +6, amulet of natural armor +2, ring of protection +2, +1 shortspear, gloves of dexterity +2, headband of intelligence +6, 75,000 steel, 20,000 steel, three +2 greatswords, two sets of +2 full plate, three bracers of armor +4, three +2 shortbows…

• Treasure continued:
• 19,000 steel
• Wand of darkness with 40 charges
• Everlasting feedbag
• Wand of fox’s cunning with 8 charges
• What looks to be a newly forged +3 longsword with force, keen, clouting, and animal bane
• Buttload of scrolls:
  • Arcane scroll of Stinking Cloud
  • Arcane scroll of Summon Monster I
  • Arcane scroll of Remove Fear
  • Arcane scroll of Disguise Self
  • Divine scroll of Animate Dead
  • Divine scroll of Water Breathing (two copies)
  • Divine scroll of Cure Light Wounds Mass
  • Divine scroll of Freedom of Movement
  • Divine scroll of Restoration
  • Divine scroll of Remove Curse
  • Divine scroll of Bestow Curse
  • Divine scroll of Summon Monster IV
  • Divine scroll of Raise Dead
  • Divine scroll of Summon Nature’s ally VII (two copies)

Skyler the now half-orc half-dragon bard has to relearn to sing – La la la la…Everyone has to do their two hour stint in the field. Ariel tries very hard not to burn anything, and she is put in charge of burning chaff. Luminia has to pull plows. Things are beginning to change in the grove – there are more rangers keeping watch at night. Dylan helps keep watch. Steve performs tricks, and there is much rejoicing. All are summoned to the grove by the elder Culnamo. He is much improved – his leg has grown back. Vidomina is throwing a party to celebrate the survival of the city. He wants the group to secure an invitation for it and attend. (They have to prove to the government that they are powerful people who deserve an invitation to the party – or dangerous enough to keep an eye on.) Ariel: “All I need to do is walk near the fields.” (Too dangerous = assassination, according to the GM.) Dylan: “Be loveably dangerous!” Ariel: “We can talk to the dog-lady Fidomina.” There is much amusement. Luminia: “We can put a sparkly leash on her.” Luminia learns to rules of decorum: no weapons, only well-dressed armor. Ariel and Dylan go off to talk to Alton Ogrebane the kender. Before that they shop for fashion accessories. First they talk to Glimmer. She suggests they gain a local reputation. She will let them borrow some baubles for a fee. Theron goes to Bohb’s Shop o’ Everything. Bohb: “What do you want?” Theron: “Shall I remind you the customer is always right? Act a little nicer, asshole.” Skyler buys a cloak of charisma plus two. Vaeria goes to the glamorous place and meets a snotty person: “Are you worthy of a change of wardrobe?” Skyler sings outside Vidomina’s house. The guards try to drag him off but are struck by the beauty of his singing. Two hours later, an invitation is thrown out the window. Luminia gets her armor cleaned and professionally worked on and her crown fashioned. She also takes a mint bath and gets a scale massage. Dara goes to the richer part of town and looks for nice people. She tries to look pathetic – most of the nobles see right through her, but a gnome asks: “What’s wrong, little girl?” She says she’s in love with some guy that’s working at the party. He tells Dara to stage a disruption and then show up and save the day so that she will get an invitation. Ariel asks Vaeria to help her and Dylan in to the snobby place, and she gets them in and gets them clothes. Vaeria wants a bath; she gets one from a temple assistant. Skyler gets his armor shined. Theron’s in the emo bar, and the emo dragon has an invitation but isn’t excited about going. He tells him that Vidomina has given invitations to the city watch. Ariel and Dylan talk to the kender. He slips his hand into Ariel’s pocket, as he acts more kender-like in the bar. He gave all the invitations to the guards, so they have to talk to one of them. Dara tells her sob story to a guard, but he becomes suspicious. Vaeria does a pretty dance in front of one of the guards. She gets an invitation. Ariel goes up to another guard with flashy fire. She and Dylan get invitations, although the guard says that she is responsible for Dylan’s behavior. Luminia sleeps on top of someone’s roof.

The next day, Skyler performs “The hills are alive with the sound of music…” in the street and causes a traffic jam. Vaeria takes a mint bath, and Ariel and Dylan take a steam bath. Someone grabs Dara’s wrist and shoves an invitation into her hands. Theron demands an invitation from a guard. After some intimidation, he gets an invitation shoved in his hands. Luminia sweetly asks a guard if he has an extra ticket. Guard: “Look look look, a dragon in bright shining armor!” Dara looks for a pretty dress, but she is kicked out of the snobby store. A fifteen year old girl wants to be everyone’s herald.

All of their weapons are checked at the door. Beyond the gates is a short but steep rising path, flanked by nice exotic plants. Dylan knows that one is ginger. Luminia eats it. One of the guards shoos her off of the plants; they think she is a pet. There is a massive manor with gardens on either side. Glimmer and the emo dragon Munwythrix land in front of the terrace. With them is the ogre bard, who announces them. The fifteen year old girl screams at the top of her voice to announce the group. All hold their ears except for Vidomina, who laughs and says: “Introduce them again, more, more!” Everyone is annoyed with their group. Everyone else also has a gift. The gifts are worth about 2,000 steel each. Theron walks up to Vidomina and asks which god has been giving her an ear. She says that she serves an ideal: food. Vidomina, the ogre bard, servants, Bohb leaning on his staff and glaring (Skyler waves and mimics the rod of wonder), the food storage cold dwarf, Alton Ogrebane, Glimmer and Munwythrix, a hill dwarf, a handsome half-orc, the high priestess, and the head of the servants are all in attendance, among others. The ogre bard welcomes everyone: “You may now present your gifts to honor the lady!” The ogre is there holding a necklace and a scepter. Vidomina smiles at Theron, expecting a gift. Theron: “I’ll just give you some money.” Luminia smiles really big and gives her a scroll of phantom steed and an emerald tied together with shiny fur. Ariel apologizes: “I’m not very good at offering physical things, so I offer my services, my lady.” She doesn’t want pyrotechnics at the party. Dara gaseous forms out and runs to a store to find something. Dylan says his gift is coming later and pays some cash. Vaeria wants to entertain, but Luminia prefers something more material, so Vaeria gives her 8,000 steel. Skyler gives her a ring of lore wrapped in scrolls with a note: Her history should never be forgotten. She calls him out: “This is a proper gift!” Everyone else is jealous. Dara comes back with a basalt statue, dashes in and screeches to a halt. She accepts it and tells the servants to set it up in the art center.

After gifts, all are led to a garden on the left side. The ogre welcomes all to the garden of expecterance and the handsome slaughter of the curious avians. Vidomina takes her weapon (a crossbow) out and says that she’s feeling lucky; if any beat her, she will give them 1,000 steel. Colored birds fly out, and Vaeria is blinded. Vidomina brings down six of them. Dara: “Poor birdies!” Random crowd person: “Well, no one said she was a good cleric.” Theron also shoots and takes down five. Skyler lazily picks a crossbow up and then starts firing like crazy. He hits eight, and she looks upset. She wasn’t expecting to lose. Dylan hits seven, and she continues to be upset. Dylan and Skyler both give their 1,000 back and suck up. Dara has a flashback and is sad…Ariel says not to worry, they can burn the dead bodies later.

The next event is live sports and baiting. The rings held by a person control a cockatrice. They have to make rabbit statues with the cockatrice and then kill the opponent’s cockatrice. Luminia tries against Vidomina. Twelve cute little bunny rabbits are turned to stone…Dara cries. Luminia’s turns the most rabbits, so there is a cockatrice fight. Luminia’s petrifies Vidomina’s, and she wins a giant golden egg. Egg-like products are served. Dara cries. Ariel roasts some eggs for Dylan. Dylan and Luminia take bunny statues. Ariel burns a mustache onto Dylan’s.

Next they come to a pavilion with tables. The ogre hands Vidomina a skull painted black. The rest are also given skulls. Skyler performs Shakespeare. The skull chucked the farthest wins. Vidomina’s and Luminia’s get close, but Skyler’s wins, and he gets a skull and ruby necklace. The servants pass around gingerbread men without heads. Ariel burninates…Mmm charred gingerbread man. Theron: “This is the greatest party ever!” The pavilion is filled with art, much of which features Vidomina herself. She stands at the head of the table and gives a speech. Servants serve food. All are given a small covered silver goblet. Inside is a body part. Dylan and Ariel trade. It’s a tradition. Dylan has Ariel cook his ear, and she cooks some of the others. They’re not actually humanoid body parts, though…they’re tasty. Vidomina tells them that everyone should remember those who have perished. The ogre tells a story of a fat ogre chief who fell down and crashed through the walls of a city. Dara tells the story of a slaughter at the cleric place. They don’t like her story much. Vaeria tells the story of her daddy. Ariel tells a story about searching for a key, and Dylan helps. Skyler also tells one. Theron stands up and can’t speak, and then sits down and looks embarrassed. The next course is a giant pie; a dwarf hauls a greatsword off his back and cuts open the pie, and the avians come swarming out of it (just illusions). Vaeria does a mental pie dance. They eat the pie and drink wine. Dylan gets slightly drunk. Steve is drunk by association, although he is back in the druid grove. Vaeria is tipsy. A little gnome comes up to Ariel, looking nervous: “Will you marry me?” He shoves a necklace in her hands. Ariel: “I’m already married, I’m sorry.” She points at Vaeria: “She gives really good head. But if I ever get divorced, I’ll marry you.” Theris the gnome now dislikes Vaeria. Skyler chats with the shadowdragon: “I swear I killed you with the coup de grâce.” Theron talks to the ice dwarf about the fiendish warhorse he made a gift to Vidomina. They get friendly. Alton is sitting next to Vaeria. “How did you get an invitation?” Ariel: “She probably seduced them because she’s really hot.” Alton confides in Dylan that he is dissatisfied with Vidomina and will support other rulers, perhaps him and his friends. Now for the third course: wybasarrirge, an entire wyvern stuffed with basilisk steaks, arrowhawk breasts, and sturges with olives. It tastes pretty awful. It’s sent back for a burning. Dylan learns that there’s a war between the druid grove and the thieves’ guild. Skyler chats about history to Vidomina. The fourth dish is tasty purple worm pudding. Dylan abstains from more wine. Vaeria is drunk off her ass. The half-orc talks about how he killed all these minotaurs. A bragging contest begins! Alton is the best braggart of them all. Theron continues talking to the dwarf, trying to find out about Vidomina. The dwarf asks Theron to be his business partner in food storage; Theron: “That sounds boring as hell.” Theron asks Vidomina’s status: she is single, but she hates distractions. The fifth course is a massive massive massive cake that looks like an angel. Theron: “I want the breasts.” Little figures were made of all of the guests, holding their hands up to Vidomina. Then the cake falls. The fake Vidomina’s head lands in Dylan’s lap. He takes a finger of frosting. Vidomina looks like she wants to execute the entire cooking staff. The ogre saves the day. Dylan and Theron eat her head, and Vaeria and Ariel eat each other.

The dinner ends, and there is rowdy dancing. Vaeria does a cake dance. Skyler performs. Dara gaseous forms and makes it seem like her figure is talking. Vidomina and the dwarf have slipped off. Dylan tracks to the locked back door, gets bored, and comes back. Skyler goes off and then comes back. Theron and Luminia try to find her. Vaeria tries to teach Dylan to dance. All the party goers leave. Dylan, Theron, and Dara feel sick. A bit of blood comes out of Dylan’s mouth – ginger and cheap wine. Some people’s food was poisoned. Theron is also puking bits of internal organs. Dara restores them. An elf passes by, fearing that he offended Vidomina. He barfs up his innards and falls on the ground dead. Everyone goes back to the druid grove and reports the poison to Culnamo. Theron: “Kill her and steal her stuff!” Culnamo: “So, you want to depose Vidomina?” Time…planning…armies…She is enslaving the people with food. Ariel gets Culnamo to marry her and Vaeria. He conjures thorns and cuts them, then holds their hands together. A sprout comes up from the ground where their blood fell and blossoms. Culnamo gives all of them boosting spells.

They return to her manor house and all get inside the wall ok. Dara floats through the back door and unlocks it for everyone. Darkness, light, darkness, light (spells)…they enter an art gallery full of disturbing and uplifting pieces of art. They go left again, and there’s a bed. Theron (invisible) bounces on the bed, and it squeaks. There’s a door in all four directions. Dara spins her stick with light cast on it, and they end up in the kitchen. To the right is the dining chamber. They go into the other lower class dining chamber. They go to the right into a big big audience chamber. Theron detects magic and senses an aura to the left behind a door. There are voices. Vidomina and a very very deep voice are speaking – the minotaur. Theron blasts the door, but a fireball blasts him through the door. Vidomina and the minotaur pound a brick on the wall, and they disappear into separate secret passage ways.

Theron, Dara, and Luminia go after Vidomina. Theron blasts the wall and degrades it. As they run down the passage way, they are hit by Evard’s black tentacles and are grappled. Vidomina sneak attacks with electricity. Theron flees the scene to right behind her. She tumbles past him and into the next room. Dara turns into a gaseous form and floats away ten feet. Luminia breaks free of the tentacles. Theron goes into the room and doesn’t see her. Everyone is back in the entryway via secret door. Vidomina shoots Theron from behind some furniture. Dara dispels magic, but there was nothing to dispel. Luminia flies by and lasers the couch. Theron sets the couch on fire. Vidomina is still hiding. Theron feels rumbling from behind him, and a suit of armor falls on him, pinning him. Vidomina is behind it, but she ducks into the shadows again. Dara heals Theron. Luminia moves the armor off of him. Theron stands up and blasts at the spot he saw her last. Luminia hears footsteps and tumbling. She points it out like a pointer dog. Theron blasts that area. There’s a scream, and footsteps dash out into the hallway. Vidomina attacks Dara next as she runs past into the art gallery. Dara opens the door: it’s pitch black. Luminia blindsenses and shoots with her lasers; they dissipate against Vidomina’s skin (she’s not QUITE evil). Theron peers up over the dragon’s shoulder and blasts but misses. Vidomina moves back. Dara casts ice flowers. Luminia notices that she’s moving between art pieces. Theron summons chilling tentacles in that general area. She tumbles out of them, and Theron’s staff gets stolen. Theron takes his waterskin and splashes it into the general direction; the water becomes invisible, but they have located her. Vidomina makes a mad dash for the nearest door, and Theron hits her with his morningstar as she goes by.

Ariel, Skyler, Vaeria, and Dylan go after the minotaur. They find the brick to open the secret door, but they are also grappled by tentacles. Skyler and Dylan avoid being grappled, but Ariel and Vaeria are. Skyler slogs his way through the tentacles. Dylan casts freedom of movement on himself and gets out of the tentacles. The minotaur slams a table against the door and traps them in. Vaeria is still grappled, but Ariel gets out. Skyler makes it up to the door and listens but can’t hear anything. Dylan also listens but can’t hear anything. Vaeria breaks free and squirms towards the door. The tentacles keep trying to grapple them. Arrows fly out from the door, hitting Skyler, Vaeria, and Dylan. Ariel gets over to the door – she blasts the table with a firebolt. Skyler fires brilliant energy arrows at the minotaur. Dylan breaks through the table with a full attack. The minotaur moves into another room, and there’s another table against the next doorway. Ariel firebolts it again. Skyler flies up and listens, and Dylan hits the table. Ariel hits the table again and blows it apart. Ariel and Dylan taught those tables who was boss. Skyler starts up the dirge of frozen loss. Dylan tries but can’t find the minotaur and takes cover. Vaeria hears breathing in the next room: she breath weapons it. He evades, however. Ariel moves closer to the door. Skyler hears where he is. Everyone prepares and takes total defense. Ariel hears a sudden roar and hands grab her and throw her on the ground. She is scared to death. The minotaur disappears again. They hear footsteps out, but Skyler sees him and blasts him with cold. Vaeria and Dylan are quite pissed that the minotaur killed their wife/friend. Dylan spring attacks. The minotaur retreats into the next room, and they see the rest of their party.

Deemer’s the minotaur’s name. Dara gets sneak-attacked with a shortbow. Dylan guards the only other door in the room so they can’t run out again. Skyler sings to give everyone resistance to fire and cold, and he blasts Vidomina with cold. Dara puts dispel magic around Vidomina, and she is visible. Deemer goes after Theron, and he is thrown on the ground and attacked. Luminia flies up and misses biting Vidomina. Vaeria attacks Vidomina but misses. Theron tries to cast, but it fizzles. Vidomina screams “Ah, master! Help me!” and tumbles past Dylan into the next room. Dylan spring attacks the minotaur but doesn’t hit. Skyler attacks Deemer and adds the refrain, dealing more cold damage. Dara casts ice flowers into the room. The minotaur tumbles past everyone and into the next room. Luminia senses him in the next room and eye lasers but misses. Vaeria tumbles into the room. Theron stands up gingerly. Inside the room are bloody footprints going into a secret door.

Ariel is revived by Dara. She hugs Vaeria; Dylan hugs Ariel. They see a staircase going down. They go down, the bottom drops out, and grease sprays out. Dylan grabs the wall with his cloak, Skyler uses his wings to slow himself, and all end in a chamber with an enormously fat dragon: “Ah ha ha, room service has been kind to me.” Gluttony grabs Luminia and grapples her in his mouth. Next to Gluttony are the two rogues, who have been sucking down healing potions. Vidomina goes after Skyler, and the minotaur applies poison to his blade. Ariel activates her nimbus ability and gets up. Skyler inspires courage and does his dirge of cold. Vaeria shenanigans. Luminia is swallowed. Theron stands up blasts Vidomina with an eldritch spear. Dylan moves up. Dara casts blood to water on all of the enemies; Gluttony doesn’t have his fast healing feat any more. Luminia claws and bites to get out. Vidomina retreats behind Gluttony and surrenders. Deemer turns invisible and dashes out. Ariel firebolts Gluttony; the fire encounters a magic shield and dissipates. Skyler blasts the fleeing minotaur. Vaeria shenanigans. Gluttony attacks Vaeria, and she is stuck in Gluttony’s mouth. Ariel: “Wifey!” Theron tries greater dispel magic, gets attacked, and fails. Dylan tries to hit and fails. Dara casts blood to water again. Luminia attacks from the inside again. Ariel tries heat-deathing, but he takes no damage. The minotaur has run away. Skyler shoots Gluttony. Vaeria gets swallowed. Theron dispels the superior resistance but not to cold or fire, although he does dispel electricity. Dara casts blood to water again. Gluttony looks angry at Dara. Luminia continues attacking from the inside and gets outside. Skyler uses his breath weapon (electricity). Vaeria attacks his gizzard. Gluttony attacks Dara, hurts her badly, and grapples her. Theron dispels magic again on the fire and cold. Dylan still fails to hit (he’d need a nat20…). Dara gaseous forms out of his mouth. Luminia laser eyes him. Ariel is bitten and grappled, but she explodes in a fiery burst in his mouth. Skyler hits him with a ray. Vaeria is dying in his belly. Gluttony uses his breath weapon. Theron tries an utter dark blast and hurts him. Vaeria dies and goes and becomes the lord of tricks over her daddy. Ariel gets swallowed. Theron does a brimstone blast but fails spell resistance. Luminia hits with eye lasers. Ariel is in his stomach. Skyler freezes him, and Ariel falls out of his stomach; they have killed the first of the seven sins.

Vidomina begs for mercy. She is looking horrendously weak. Theron: “Just what are you willing to do to get spared? You can hang around and be my woman.” She agrees and looks scared of Theron. She looks quasi-sexy with the scars…not the pampered lady from before. Gluttony ate the warlock scepter, though. Theron cuts Gluttony open…there are rolls and rolls of fat to get past. Since Luminia is immune to acid, she slices it open with her claws. She gets damage from a sonic breath weapon that Gluttony had prepared. However, she gets a permanent +2 armor bonus and +2 resistance to dragon breath and dragon spells. Skyler cuts through to the heart. He takes damage as well. They find Vaeria’s head (which Ariel spends the rest of the session mourning over) and the corroded scepter. The warlock scepter works, but it’s kind of damage. Theron still sticks it in his pack. Skyler eats the heart, and he gets bloodlust (red eyes glowing out of depths of the dragon carcass…dun dun dun). Everyone hides; he attacks the body of Gluttony and Vaeria’s body. After eight minutes, he passes out in a pool of acid. Raven rubs his face in the acid.

• Treasure:
• 36,000 steel
• 78 pieces of art
• 10 pound gold idol
• Gold dragon comb
• Silver-plated steel longsword
• Fire opal pendant
• Silver comb
• Small gold bracelet
• Sapphire pendant
• Ceremonial dagger
• Jeweled crown
• Silver ewer
• Jeweled ring
• Brass/jade mug
• Vvery disturbing art of things eating things, even a tapestry of Gluttony eating Vaeria
• Very odd stone tablet
  - Skyler’s and Vaeria’s eyes go big like dinner plates
  - Arcane mysteries that they can’t figure out
  - Theron thinks it’s for killing things far away, but he can’t cast it
• Potion of greater magic fang +4
• Potion of magic vestment +2
• Major ring of spell storing (up to 10 levels of spells)
• Ring of wizardry +1
• Flaming bastard sword +4
• Metamagic rod of empower
• Arcane scroll of Summon Monster IX
• Arcane scroll of Shadow Evocation
• Arcane scroll of Teleport

Enter Silawyn Gulstrae, a half-brass dragon monk/sorcerer. She gets mobbed coming into the city.

They sleep. They are awoken by a dull roar from above. Theron casts spiderclimb on himself, and Dylan uses his cloak to climb up. The couch on fire from the day before caused the manor house to be gutted. The rest make their way up. Skyler flies above the building, and arrows and rocks are thrown at him. All of the area around the city, where the fields used to be, is dead (as Gluttony is dead). The city is in an uproar. Vidomina’s mansion and all of their food is gone. Dara turns into gas and floats up. There is an ice fortress around food storage. Fires are everywhere. People are being lynched…mass chaos. Dara sighs and casts hero’s feast on the town, although it’s not enough. Skyler starts throwing food down from the everlasting feedbag, and a mob bursts in the gates. Dylan jumps on Luminia’s back and they fly off for the druid grove. Theron shoves Vidomina out in front: “Here she is!” They try to beat Theron and drag him off to be lynched; Vidomina (unrecognized) is shoved out of the way. Raven changes into a wolf/dog and escapes. Theron flees the scene, and he and Vidomina run like hell. Dara floats over to the druid grove, and that’s where Theron and Vidomina run as well.

Dylan and Luminia see a familiar dire wolf running in the opposite direction…he whimpers, acting like Lassie. A skeletal dire tiger barrels out at him and claws him. Luminia eye lasers the undead tiger. Dylan slings at it. The tiger rips the wolf some more, and the wolf hits it back. Luminia uses her eye lasers, and Dylan “heals” it. Luminia hits the tiger and blasts, killing him. Dylan heals the wolf, who then tugs on Dylan’s clothes, and they follow him. They get through the town, but the druid grove is in flames. The area is littered with dead animals, dead rangers, and dead druids. The wolf charges into the flames, and Dylan follows him, as does Luminia after activating her circle of evil. They see a blighter making druids explode (the same druidess that was riding a unicorn)…the unicorn is tied up nearby and looks like he’s about to become a burnt offering. Culnamo is lying off to the side, and the werewolf is attacking the blighter. Dylan runs over to check on Culnamo. The werewolf Ortinoth charges the blighter. She hits him with a harm spell. Luminia charges for Charles the unicorn and slashes the ropes. Dylan runs up to the werewolf and heals him a bit. The werewolf casts brilliant blade on his spear. The blighter casts horrid wilting and evaporates the blood of the werewolf, Dylan, and the wolf. Luminia uses her eye lasers, and Dylan tumbles around and hits the blighter. The werewolf hits her three times. She casts poison on the werewolf. Luminia gets closer and uses her eye lasers. Dylan hits her several times; the werewolf staggers back and heals himself. The blighter implodes Dylan. He dies but is wrapped in his cocoon. Luminia charges in but misses. The werewolf charges in and kills the blighter. Then he goes to save Culnamo. They’re in a burning forest. Then Dara arrives, as do Theron and Vidomina. Luminia drags the good people out. She also destroys the body of the blighter by eating it. Theron blasts cold to put out fire. Then Theron feels slightly sick and has flashbacks to being molested by his uncle, but it passes quickly. Dara creates water all over the druid grove and puts out the fires. Steve pokes the cocoon, looking forlorn and irresistibly cute. Raven animates an undead tiger with a scroll. Luminia nurses Charles back to health. Silawyn reenacts the second Matrix movie and moves through lots of Mr. Smiths. Skyler tries to poke the cocoon, but Steve bites his finger.

Dara goes to the temple to ask for a diamond in order to raise Dylan from the dead…but there’s a dull roar. She changes into air. Raven and Skyler also go to the temple. Skyler takes to the air and gets rocks and arrows thrown at him. Raven gets grappled by the mob. Dara floats into the temple. Raven uses dimension door and casts greater invisibility on himself. Skyler drinks a potion of invisibility. The mob chants for their death. Vidomina and Theron hide in an alley. Dara gets flamestriked as she enters the temple. The priestess is fully armed and dangerous. “Pathetic half- blood tool! You will discover the impotence of your pathetic god now! Attack!” The mob swarms over Dara and grapples her. She gaseous forms and floats up to the ceiling. The mob parts, and the priestess walks up with her flail and whacks her. The priestess is a bigot and hates demihumans. The mob gathers by the entrance and waits under her. She floats up some more, but she gets a dispel spell cast on her and falls down on the mob. Dara hits herself with a wand and heals herself. Skyler and Raven show up, but they’re both invisible. Raven sneaks up to the temple, activates spiderclimb, and tries to go up to a window. Skyler casts silence on himself and lands on the roof. The mob continues hitting, Dara hits herself with her wand to heal herself, and the head priestess looks shinier. Raven casts freedom of movement on himself, runs through the mob, and grabs Dara. Dara and Raven try to get out, but they don’t break free. Raven dimension doors out of the temple against the wall and casts greater invisibility on Dara. The priestess yells “They’re invisible!” and casts true seeing on herself.

She looks up and sees Skyler. He ducks away from the window and starts flying away. The mob starts to follow him out. The priestess comes out, looks up, and casts blasphemy. Dara heals herself some more. Raven runs off towards the druid grove. Skyler is dazed and begins to descend. Theron and Vidomina keep making out in an alley. The priestess takes an attack of opportunity, but she hurts her hand. The mob gets closer to Dara. The priestess hits Skyler with a touch attack, but he fortunately isn’t cursed. Skyler takes a five foot step back and casts innervation, but it doesn’t work. Dara tries to run away from the mob, but the mob hears her. The priestess attacks Skyler with her flail and injures him. Dara gives up on being quiet and runs like heck down the alley, clanking in her full armor. Skyler flees into the air, and she hits him as he flies away. She casts slime wave and screams bad words at him. Then she turns and stalks back toward Dara. Dara casts earth reaver on the mob and knocks them prone.

Silawyn shows up and sees a very angry mob screaming “Death to all halfbreeds!” She charges in and attacks. Theron (as he has sex in an alleyway): “She’s not my sex slave; she’s my unwilling girlfriend.” The mob moves over Silawyn. The priestess strolls casually around. Dara casts firestorm on the priestess and ducks down another alley. Silawyn goes crunch crunch crunch and breaks up the mob. The priestess starts laughing: “Isn’t this a righteous day today.” She casts poison, but it doesn’t affect Silawyn. Dara does a radiant assault, hitting both the priestess and Silawyn (she doesn’t know who Silawyn is). Silawyn shenanigans the Ur-priestess. The Ur-priestess invokes chilling tentacles around Silawyn’s feet. Dara wants the Ur-priestess to die faster, so she does chain lightning. Silawyn tries to grapple out but fails and takes cold damage. The Ur-priestess heals herself. Dara does searing light on her. Silawyn does her breath weapon. The priestess casts freedom of movement on herself. Dara does searing light again. Silawyn grapples and breaks free. She heals and comes towards Dara, who flame-strikes and moves back. Silawyn tries again to hit her. She casts chilling tentacles at Dara: “Oh, I love that tiefling’s spell.” Dara is entangled in the grappling tentacles. Silawyn hits with an orb of fire. She turns and casts chilling tentacles at Silawyn again. Theron and Vidomina notice that a mob is coming in their direction. They pull clothes on and prepare. Dara tries to escape, as does Silawyn. The priestess holds a harm spell in her hand and goes up to Silawyn. Dara tries to escape and fails, but Silawyn manages to escape. The priestess turns and aims at the cleric. Silawyn stumbles back into the tentacles. Dara uses her last gaseous form and floats out, and the priestess curses her. Silawyn is still grappled, and she wanders back towards Silawyn as Dara floats away. Silawyn punches her. The priestess keeps trying to touch Silawyn with her spell. Dara is on the other side of the tentacles. Silawyn hits her again. The priestess tries finger of death. Dara casts searing light on her, and Silawyn channels a spell into her fists. The priestess takes a five foot step back and word of recalls herself elsewhere.

Skyler flying hears a mob and a wailing: he sees a half-white dragon with a humming sword confronting the mob. Skyler dives down to help her out, as she’s Kisha, his half sister. Skyler starts singing. Kisha wades in and swings, whirling and raging. She kills the mob. She loves her weapon. She and Skyler talk. She needs to talk to the leader of the city. Skyler: “You’re looking at one of them.” She doesn’t think he’s quite right in the head.

Raven gets on the tiger and goes to get Luminia. He’s hailed by a signal of his guild. He follows a woman down to the end of the alleyway. She was the chief servant in Vidomina’s household (Erica Fade, hired as an infiltrator). The thieves’ guild is still very active in the city. It was she that marked the symbol on the tree. Deemer keeps control, but he always has a front (a person seemingly in charge whom he dominates). The thieves’ guild is in charge of the rioting. The only place they haven’t infiltrated is the Crying Jester because of the emo dragon. They don’t want anyone in charge and want everyone else to fight amongst themselves so that they can take over. Part of the guard has joined the riots, and the others have tried to take over food storage. Raven mounts back up and heads to the druid grove.

One of the druids reincarnates Dylan…fortunately he’s still a half-elf. Culnamo regains consciousness. Luminia, Charles (who is very affectionate toward Luminia), and Dylan and Steve follow Raven to the temple. They find Dara and Silawyn there. Skyler also heads there with Kisha: two very charismatic half-dragons. Silawyn (also a half-dragon) waves; they’re second cousins twice removed. A little paper slips out of Kisha’s armor, and Dylan picks it up and hands it to Raven, who can read it. Kisha: “So, are you the leaders of this city? I’ve had a very hard day.” Theron jabs Vidomina with a thumb and points her out as the former leader. Kisha’s come to warn them that they had better get this city under control or else everyone is going to die horribly. Two more sin dragons are coming: a golden one and a pitch black one.

Raven puzzles out that the note is draconic. He shows Skyler. Luminia grabs the note, but Skyler keeps hold of it. They talk about it being a funny joke. Kisha looks bemused and tucks the original paper away. Silawyn tries to grab it too, but Skyler eats it. Apparently the joke’s too funny to be shared with nondraconics. Luminia tells the joke to Charles.

Kisha was spying on the two dragons and their large armies. Skyler suggests sacking the city first. She doesn’t want to reveal her plans in this chaotic city. Another city sprouted from the ground using force to get food, but mostly they’ve been stealing items that create food. Kisha manages to avoid killing the party’s divine spellcasters (she apparently hates them). “Take charge of the city, it’s the only way to survive.” She recommends enthralling/calming the mobs. The werewolf Raven on the undead tiger intimidates. Theron goes off to screw with Vidomina. Silawyn suggests leading them all into one area and enrapturing the mobs.

Dara goes to talk to the ice dwarf. There are huge walls of ice and frozen people. When she calls for him, she is greeted with a rock heaved at her head. She says she’ll give him food and casts create food and water. Then she explains a plan to cast ice wall around people: food and sex slaves! He wants money instead, however – 10,000 steel and the position of second in command. Ballarak the ice dwarf wanders down and lets Dara in.

Dylan goes to look for the kender Alton Ogrebane. He and a bunch of his men are trying to create an area of calm around the Crying Jester. The emo dragon and Glimmer are helping, blasting a perimeter. Dylan is relieved of his weapons and taken to seen Alton and the two dragons. He convinces them to help them out against the mobs, but doesn’t do too well impressing the guards. Dylan gives the dragons the jeweled ring and the jeweled crown and gets their aid and a free identify. All return…dinner time, and people are eating dead bodies near the druid grove. Theron wants the tablet identified, so the emo dragon looks at it. It is more powerful magic than he has ever seen in his life. It can kill people at 12,000 ft.

They sleep (or those who can ignore the din outside sleep)…they’re crowded all into one room. People carve and draw things on Skyler (‘kick me’ and ‘chaotic stupid’ on his butt and tail and a smiley face on his head). Kisha has her sword set for warding, standing in a corner. The next morning, Theron kicks Skyler’s butt as per the directions. Kisha casts refreshment on Dara and Silawyn, who could not sleep the night before. Raven hides and sneaks to the temple…they want to kill whoever “killed” the high priestess. Raven melds into the mob and starts yelling: “I saw them, they’re in the Crying Jester!” Silawyn bitch-slaps Skyler awake. Kisha holy wails at him. He takes 37 damage and is panicked. He jumps out the window. Raven takes charge of the crowd, and they follow him towards the Crying Jester. Dara goes to get the dwarf. As she and the dwarf return, they see Skyler fall out of the window screaming. Raven picks other crowds up along the way. Dara and the dwarf climb up on the roof of the Crying Jester. As everyone tromps up, Alton goes “Holy shit!”

Raven is leading 480 people. Silawyn casts flare to make it look like there are torches everywhere. Alton suggests getting the wall up. Dara and Ballarak cast walls around the Crying Jester and around the outside perimeters of the crowd. Dara, Skyler, and Kisha cast calm emotions. All of the mobs are calmed. Raven also feels very calm. The big emo dragon lands in the middle and calms them further. Kisha stands up and gives a speech, and Silawyn also gives a big speech. The mob is fine until the calm spell wears off and they freak out about the news about the coming armies. Kisha and Skyler sing praises to their gods. The crowd calms down again as Silawyn diplomacies. Raven: “We have food to offer, and if all just go back to being calm, we can provide food in an orderly manner…” Theron: “Vidomina was only giving you food by the power of an unholy creature.” Silawyn makes the mob enthusiastic about being calm: “Yay, we’re going to be calm!” They dispel the walls. The remaining druids show up and produce a big pile of goodberries and created food and water and hero’s feast.

Raven goes back to the temple, and no one is there. The place is ransacked. Skyler comes too, and they look in the now-empty statue with an obscene cartoon of a certain half-dragon and a certain air-elemental. Raven sees something behind an altar that he can’t quite reach. He finally gets his hand hooked into a very dusty cloak. It’s nothing they’ve ever seen before. However, it’s pretty strong evil magic. Skyler throws it on…he takes three negative levels for being demihuman, a divine caster, and good. Raven yanks the cloak off and puts it on himself. It gives him a bonus to his saving throws equal to his charisma modifier (a vile bonus). He gives it back to Skyler. Skyler puts it back on just to spite it. He runs out the door, but Raven dimension doors in front of him. Skyler takes to the air, and Raven grabs the cloak. Skyler goes unconscious. Raven takes it off his body, and he’s conscious again. Raven slaps him upside the head. Silawyn cleans it. It’s a mantle of stolen grace. Raven designates Alton as Captain of the Guard. Kisha explains of what she knows of the battle plans: they will bring the army up against the walls and then create a distraction to bring savage humanoids to the other side. However, it’s an army of six thousand…the entire population of the city is only two thousand. Fortunately those two thousand are fanatics for Silawyn’s cause. They also might dig underneath it and collapse the walls.

• Treasure:
• +6 amulet of wisdom
• Three potions of cure serious
• +5 acidic longspear
• Vest of resistance +4
• +4 large wooden shield
• +5 beast skin dragonhide armor

• On the party’s side:
• Alton Ogrebane, 19th level monk
• Balarak Shardsplitter, Duegar psychic warrior/cryo-kineticist
• Emo dragon
• Glimmer
• gnome shopkeeper (who loves Ariel), sorcerer
• Ortinoth, werewolf
• Culnamo, elf druid
• Bohb, ex-wizard 17, expert 2
• 100 humanoid elite soldiers
• 50 humanoid elite archers
• 20 ogre brutes
• 30 elf commandos
• 50 elf snipers
• 25 dwarven berserkers
• 5 gnome “captains”
• 120 humanish soldiers
• 100 humanish snipers
• 300 human regulars (commoners with spears)
• 200 humanish archers

• Up against:
• 2 enormous dragons
• 3 brigades of 600 each
• 3 elite companies
• remaining draconions
• couple brute squads
• small contingent of spell-slingers
• assortment of siege engines
• several unholy twisted beasts

Silawyn glomps Kisha before she goes off to the druid grove to practice. Poor Ariel is still sitting next to the little tree from her and Vaeria’s wedding. The gnome is trying to comfort her. She sees the half-dragon Kisha, and Ariel mumbles about knowing a half-dragon once. Kisha forbids any jokes about her glowing shining sword: “Let’s get this over with right now. I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. And no, I’m not going to ‘handle’ it. And while we’re at it, there will be no force jokes, no probe droid jokes, no Jedi master jokes, and I will not play in your scarlacc pit. Got it? And stop staring at my butt!” She continues to chop at the trees, pruning the dead branches with her light saber-ish sword. Kisha used to know Vaeria’s father, and she is also Skyler’s sister, and Silawyn is her second cousin twice removed on her mother’s side. Ariel: “I married into a crazy family.” Kisha explains to her about the army. Ariel comes into the Crying Jester to meet the rest, red-eyed from crying. Dara pats her on the back, and Dylan gives her a hug.

Battle plans...? Ariel: “Burn everything!” Theron: “Take all the useless people and shove them into the inside of the city where they are out of the way.” Dara and Theron argue about grammar in and out of character. Protecting things is no fun. They get into a talk about families, and the kender wants them to get moving. Silawyn and Ariel talk about fire. Dara: “Cast long-range spells at them!” Create undead? Pour oil on the battering ram and set it on fire? Silawyn goes to talk to the dragons about ale…ale is flammable. They get many barrels of cheap ale. Bohb comes back with a couple barrels of oil. 50 barrels of ale, 4 barrels of oil: their stockpile, for now. Silawyn asks Bohb for alchemist’s fire: he has 30 vials. Theron works on crafting siege engines (ballista) with the help of conscripted people. Ariel: “Ballista Navidad…” Luminia found something shiny and glomped elsewhere. Theron wants the dragons to fight the dragons…Glimmer: “Have you seen those dragons?” She has encountered them before but only escaped because of her natural immunity to heat: Wrath and Pride are two combat machines. The two dragons will be the bombers, however, as long as the other dragons aren’t in the air. Dara: “I’ll cast wall of stone in front of the door so that Silawyn’s explosion doesn’t destroy the door!” Kisha leaves the city.

The army approaches, but the dragons are not in sight. There is a general, clad in very garish half black, half gold armor. Silawyn buried too many barrels in front of the gate (which means they might explode their own gate). The battering ram starts on the gate in the morning. A bunch of strong minotaurs charge at the gate. Ariel hits the battering ram with a firebolt…fortunately the trap doesn’t go off. A bunch of ballista bolts come flying at her. Theron casts chilling tentacles right under the battering ram. Ballistae also target him, and he loses the spell. They aim their ballistae at the other ballistae. Silawyn resonating bolts the battering ram and manages to avoid ballista bolts. Dylan aids with the ballistae. Dara fire storms a ballista, and she gets hit five times. The battering ram keeps hitting the gate. Ariel attacks the ram with fire again, and she sets off the trap. It blows an incredible hole in the ground below the battering ram. Most of the people on it are dead, but there is now a big hole, and most of the people swarm in through the undermined gate. It did kill all of the minotaurs on the ram, however, and Silawyn performs an incredibly annoying song: “Burninating the battering ram…” Ariel is happy with the big explosion.

The ballistae reload. Lots of people swarm into the guardhouse. Theron puts chilling tentacles in the guardhouse, filling it completely and ensnaring those lots of people. Silawyn runs into the room after the guardhouse to pick off stragglers, as does Dylan. Dara creates walls of stone and stacks them as wide as the door is. More minotaurs run in and hoist the battering ram. Ariel fires with fire at the ram again. Ballistae fire at her. Theron attacks one of the heavy ballista with a vitriolic spear. Silawyn casts a sonic weapon. Dylan stands with her and shouts up for them to dump oil on the battering ram. Their ballistae fire at the other ballistae. Dara fire storms another ballista and kills the crew of it. Ariel pops up, fires off more fire, and gets hit again. Theron attacks another ballista with a blast. Silawyn does more sonic, Dylan casts freedom of movement on himself, they dump oil on the ram, and the ram keeps beating on the wall. Dara uses flame strike on a ballista. Ariel sees something covered with flammable oil (a.k.a. the ram) and burns it. Theron attacks another ballista with his blast, and he has fun. More ballistae target him. Silawyn makes Dylan’s trident better—it can now do sonic damage. The remains of the gate is about half destroyed. Dylan kills five of the entangled people and cleaves into six more. Theron has an evilgasm as more pour in and see the tentacles and fear. Dara casts flame strike and kills half the minotaurs on the battering ram. Ariel firebolts again and deals extra oil damage. Theron sings a happy little song and blasts the ballista. [Dedrick: I love blast, I love chain, I just love to cause some pain, with a vitriolic blast into your eye, now I think that you must die.] They have abandoned that ballista now…they don’t want to touch the acid, and they keep being blasted into oblivion.

The dragons grab the barrels and launch into the sky, and they aim at the ballistae. Dylan kills fourteen more people. Silawyn blasts more stuff. Some of the ones out in the field are scared of the dragons. Ariel and Theron are hit by ballistae again. Their ballistae smash some more. The enemies swarm in, trying to overwhelm the tentacles. Dylan has a big battering ram in his face. Silawyn slaps herself in the face with a fly spell. Dylan swings his trident and shatters one of the chains of the ram and then gets out of the way as they swing the ram at the remnants of the gate. The enemy forces are hyped because they didn’t expect the gate to come down so quickly. Dara casts wall of stone behind the ram crew. Ariel firebolts some random poor soul and explodes him. The army retreats, seeing their ram is gone. She and the cyro do a contest…he builds up walls of ice to cut off the retreat, and she blasts the trapped people with fire. The ballistae are doing defensive fire. Theron knocks a light ballista out. Silawyn flies up to see what she can see. Dylan shish-ka-bobs a minotaur and cuts off another chain. They all attack him, and one hits. Dara burns more people to death. Ariel keeps picking people off. Theron blasts another light ballista. Continue, defeat! The opposing general took her helmet off, and there was a familiar half-white dragon: Kisha.

They all go to rest for the night. Ariel feels a slightly warm hand rest on her shoulder: she sees a somewhat familiar half-red dragon…her old wife! She embraces her: squish squish squish. They go to the Crying Jester together. Those in the inn look at her suspiciously. Luminia: “I thought you were supposed to be dead.” She pulls out Vaeria’s head. Vaeria smashes her own head. Ariel: “What, I thought you liked head!” Theron wants to blast her. Ariel: “She’s not dead yet, she’s getting better.” It is Vaeria, but her fangs sink into Ariel and drain her levels. Ariel keeps going, however. Vaeria keeps draining her blood. Theron goes up to the door, kicks it in, and blasts Vaeria, pissed at having missed before. Ariel: “Hey, if you wanted a threesome, you could have asked.” Vaeria shrieks obscenities and flies into a rage. Theron: “She’s killing you, dumbass!” Ariel: “Yeah, isn’t it great!” Dara is upset at the loudness and swearing from above, and she tromps up the stairs. Ariel tries to hit Theron with a firebolt, but she scorches a wall. Theron blasts her again. She hits with claws, making Theron take negative levels. Ariel blasts another hole in the wall. Theron attacks again but misses, and there’s yet another hole in the wall. Vaeria giggles madly, and Theron takes more negative levels. Ariel tries to blast Theron again. Dara bursts in; Theron: “Vaeria is undead, kill the bitch!” Dara casts mass heal on all three, and Vaeria looks very hurt. Dara bluffs that she thought it would heal her. Vaeria grabs Ariel by the face and drains more levels. Theron runs away. Ariel tries to heat death Dara. Dara casts searing light on the vampire but misses. Vaeria drains another two levels from Ariel. Ariel yells at Dara for hitting “wifey.” Dara tries searing light again but misses. With the acid damage, however, Vaeria looks about dead. Dara still can’t hit with searing light. Vaeria keeps sucking more levels, and Ariel can’t do much any more. Dara hits her with searing light, finally, and she poofs into her gaseous form and flees. Ariel: “You killed her!” Theron: “She was already dead, you dumbass!” He slaps her upside the head. Dara restores everyone their levels at dawn as they fight amongst themselves.

Meanwhile, Dylan and Silawyn are wandering through the grove. They hear the sounds of battle in the city. They go to check it out and see their own troops in a desperate battle with each other. Seven troops go down. In the middle are two tall armored creatures, each with a spiked chain and huge red oozes that blaze with fire. Rage walker one moves near Dylan and Silawyn and causes Dylan to go into a blood frenzy. Three glitterfires begin to mow through the troops, and they slay 23 more of them. Silawyn decides that Dylan can’t hit her, so she tries to charm a rage walker. Another rage walker walks up. The troops go down another 24. A rage walker attacks Silawyn and misses. Silawyn goes up to punch. Walker two comes up to hit Dylan with spiked chains. Another 21 people die. Dylan actually manages to hit Silawyn. They attack Silawyn as well. The glitterfires take out another 9 troops. Silawyn flurries and misses. Walker two misses Dylan. Dylan goes full out on Silawyn and hits her once with his offhand. Eleven more troops go down. Silawyn channels a spell and power attacks, but misses. Walker two puts a blade barrier between Walker one and Silawyn. It also attacks Dylan.

Alton comes in now. Silawyn gets attacked again, but the living fireballs claim ten more lives and begin to move on to the rest of the city. Silawyn casts resonating bolt at one. The second walker attacks Dylan. Dylan attacks Silawyn and suddenly snaps out of it. The kender charges in and hits. Rage walker one realizes that attacking Silawyn is dumb, so he instead attacks Dylan, but he tangles his spiked chain about himself. Silawyn smacks them both with her breath weapon. Walker two slices at Dylan again, and he is hurt badly. Dylan heals himself. Alton goes up and flurry of blows. The werewolf comes in now and charges and attacks with a spear and bites. Rage walker one attacks the druid but misses. Silawyn stuns rage walker one. Walker two attacks Dylan, who heals himself and tumbles out of their range. Alton and the werewolf attack. Ortinoth casts brilliant blade on his spear. Rage walker one is annoyed and attacks the kender. Silawyn uses a lesser orb of electricity. Rage walker two comes up and attacks Dylan and the werewolf. Dylan tumbles back further and heals himself, and the werewolf and the kender keep hacking at them. Walker one heals a little damage, and it blocks Dylan’s retreat with a wall of fire and then attacks Silawyn. Silawyn hits with more orbs and slays one. Walker two confines the rest in a wall of fire. It attacks the werewolf. Dylan heals himself and gets hit by the wall. The kender punches again. The druid charges and hits it. Another 26 people die throughout the city. Silawyn does another orb of electricity. Walker two heals himself and attacks Dylan. Dylan runs up, hits with his trident, and runs away. The kender attacks, and the werewolf attacks. Silawyn tries an orb of cold but doesn’t do much harm. The walker attacks the werewolf but misses, and Dylan attacks it. The kender full attacks, as does the werewolf. Silawyn uses another orb of cold, and the walker dies.

Dara dispels the wall, and they are greeted with a burning city. They come across three glitterfires. Silawyn uses ice storm with her staff of evocation. Dylan and Silawyn get engulfed in the flames as they hit it, and Dylan is covered in fire and glitter and is grappled. The kender slings at it and kills it. They finally kill them all.

The city is burning, however. One hundred thirty-two people die. With some work, they put the fires out. Morning comes, and they get stories from the others. Theron notices that Vidomina is gone when he wakes up. He wants to go kill some things. There are a bunch of people gathering around a wall. The crowd parts in horror, and Vidomina, looking like herself again, is the object of the crowd’s attention. He notices that her head is separated from her body: her body is staked to the wall, and her head is on a spear. There’s a threatening note scrawled in her blood: an ungrammatical threat to whoever dares to oppose the besieging army. Her death has destroyed the moral of the city. Theron gives the people a speech and rallies them somewhat: “We have to kill some people for doing this to our Vidomina!” Silawyn comes in to help, and she rallies them very nicely. They turn them into raving fanatics shrieking for vengeance. From outside they hear rustling and see what looks to be a black shape, but it disappears.

• Treasure:
• Steel plating worth 2,000 steel
• 10,000 steel
• Two +5 spiked chains
• +3 icy burst longsword

Raven talks with his cohort to try to take care of the thieves’ guild and get them to help fight. Raven, Silawyn, Skyler, Dara, and Dylan (and Theron) head to the manor house and go down the greased tunnel. Raven slides out, skips like a stone, and splats on Gluttony’s corpse. Dara pees on Gluttony’s corpse. A claw comes right out of the corpse and hits Dara, draining her negative levels. She jumps away and sees a half-red dragon female burst from the corpse. Silawyn: “Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in that thing?” Dylan shoots her with his crossbow and doesn’t do much damage. Skyler sings burning melody and dirge of frozen loss and freezes the undead one. Raven hides very well. Dylan is dominated by Vaeria as she ducks behind Gluttony’s corpse. Dara sets Gluttony’s corpse on fire. Theron goes invisible. Dominated Dylan attacks Dara. Skyler starts a new song. Raven moves behind the corpse as a werewolf. Vaeria pops up and snipes Dara with Melf’s acid arrow. Dara goes to cast ice flowers, but Dylan attacks her. Silawyn casts charm monster on Dylan so that he won’t attack her. Theron moves somewhat silently and invokes chilling tentacles. Dylan pierces and slashes Dara with trident and kukri. Raven gravestrikes Vaeria, who screams. Vaeria gets out of the tentacles and scrambles up the wall, dominating Raven and telling him to hide and prepare to death attack Skyler. Dara windwalks up and stands over Gluttony’s body, looking down. Silawyn scrambles around Gluttony. Theron moves up and dispels magic. Dylan, recovered of his senses, tries to figure out what is going on. Skyler misses with searing light. Raven continues hiding and prepares to death attack Dylan. Silawyn attacks Vaeria as she climbs up the wall. Dara is suddenly surrounded by bats—four bat swarms that also converge on Silawyn, Skyler, and Dylan. Dara flies twenty feet away from the swarm and casts flame strike on the swarm, killing them. Silawyn kills the bats with her breath weapon. Theron eldritch blasts Vaeria. Dylan climbs up the wall. Skyler full attacks with his crossbow. Vaeria breath weapons Skyler. Skyler casts luminous wall on her. Dara heals herself, irate that she can’t see to hit Vaeria. Silawyn flies up: aerial defensiveness. Theron fails a blast. Dylan hides in plain sight. Skyler continues to damage with the wall. Raven can’t find Dylan, so he goes toward a clanking noise (Theron). Dara casts searing light and hits her. Theron keeps trying to blast. Dylan stays put. Skyler keeps the wall up and tries one more searing light and the line of cold, hitting with the line of cold. When the wall of light dies down, there is nothing there.

Dara recovers her negative levels and feels humiliated. Silawyn hisses threateningly at Gluttony’s corpse. It makes odd noises back. Raven asks his cohort Erica Fade which tunnel leads to the guild. She has never been here before, however. She looks for a secret door on the northeast wall and finds one. Dara casts light on herself. They try to hide and move along quietly: secret agents! They go through a couple more secret doors, and Erica recognizes the area. There are signs of battle similar to when Raven took over his thieves’ guild. They hear arguing ahead. Raven has everyone cast fire spells as he walks in to look impressive. He strides confidently into the room: “Stop the petty bickering!” Most cower back, except for one. Raven dimension doors behind him and stabs him. “That hurt me, bastard.” He swigs a potion and continues: “We’ll have single combat. Either I’ll join you, or you’ll be my bitch. If you refuse, my companions will turn you into a fuzzy little pincushion.” Someone grabs Dylan by the throat: “Get into the room or the half-elf bitch dies.” Dylan’s ears twitch. Everyone goes in except Silawyn, who is invisible.

The duel begins on a table. Raven casts greater invisibility on himself and sneaks around. The other guy pulls a shortbow out and moves cautiously around. Skyler munches from his everlasting feedbag. Raven gets behind him, and he hears him and looses an arrow. Raven drops deeper darkness right where he stands. He shoots and misses horribly. Raven continues to watch him, and he keeps shooting him. Raven dimension doors behind him and grapples. He breaks free, gets his bow ready, tumbles, and shoots. Raven tumbles in and strikes. Skyler gets poked because he was singing to heal himself. This goes on for awhile. Raven poisons him with purple worm poison. Tumbling continues…he falls prone, and Raven stabs him, bites him, and claws him. He yields. Raven makes him second in command. He thanks him for his mercy. “All hail the new bandit king!”

Raven begins organizing things. The dwarves collapsed tunnels because they didn’t want the enemy to enter them. Raven wants a tunnel dug underneath to where the enemy’s siege weaponry is; it will take three-four days. Deemar has disappeared. Dara wants them to steal the decanters of endless water. The goal: Delay, disrupt, and demoralize to weaken the army. Skyler wants to build a wall of immovable rods. Many more crazy ideas are thrown around. There are twelve signal towers with horns that they try to figure out how to silence. Skyler: “If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is there to hear it except for Dylan, who it falls on, does anyone care?” They make a couple ale bombs. Then they stick skulls and bones from the dead troops in the ballista and toss them over.

As they sit in the Crying Jester, they hear screaming within the city. The ice palace goes up in flames. An enormous greedy black dragon stands on the remains and roars: Wrath. Raven lends Dylan his undead dire tiger to go and get the two sleeping dragons. Silawyn expedites the tiger mount, and Skyler starts singing. Theron goes invisible. Raven hides and begins to move towards it. Wrath causes another thirty six deaths in the city. Dara runs wrathfully at Wrath. Silawyn streams past Dara. Skyler leisurely walks outside and casts greater luminous armor on himself. Theron flees the scene towards the dragon. Wrath flies up and aims at the barracks, burninating twenty more soldiers. Dara keeps running and casts searing light. She proves that she is an annoyance and gets an eye. Silawyn casts charm monster on Wrath, and his other eye slides towards her. Skyler sings another song. Raven moves silently and sneaks closer, and Dylan keeps riding the undead dire tiger. Theron blasts the dragon. Wrath swoops down, lands right in front of Theron, and bites Dara. She casts blood to water and gets attacked. Silawyn wraith strikes and flurries. Raven sneak attacks Wrath. Dylan keeps galloping down. Theron vitriolic blasts. Wrath bellows his power word “Insolence!” The bruises Silawyn inflicted on him fly back at her, and Skyler’s cold turns around and hits him. Dara takes con damage from her own spell. Dara moves away, gets attacked, and casts ice flowers. Silawyn power attacks, and Skyler steps back and fires with his short bow. Raven throws his dagger again and misses. Dylan comes across emo dragon’s lair, where he is sitting on his hoard listening to bad music: “Oh all right,” and he sulks up. Theron keeps blasting. Silawyn has earned Wrath’s wrath and gets attacked eighteen times; she falls unconscious in a crater in the ground. Dara casts cure crit mass. Silawyn stands up, heals, and tumbles away. Skyler launches more cold, and Wrath’s eye turns to him. Raven dimension doors to Wrath’s back. Dylan moves on to Glimmer. Wrath hops back a bit and casts sonic damage as his breath weapon. Emo dragon comes out, and Wrath backs away. Dara heals herself, as does Silawyn. Skyler moves forward and blasts again with cold. Raven casts true strike. Dylan wakes up Glimmer, who launches herself up through the ceiling. Theron blasts. Wrath launches himself and flies away after seeing the two dragons come out. Raven manages to cling to him.

Skyler turns into a small pink fuzzy bunny with a very bad word in draconic printed down his spine. Dara hugs the fluffy bunny. Skyler thinks that he is the killer bunny from the Holy Grail. Dylan knows that this is not a natural bunny. Silawyn puts arcane marks on Skyler bunny’s forehead. Dara casts greater dispel magic on Skyler the bunny. Theron comes up and makes it work. Dara is now hugging a naked Skyler. They scream back and forth. Skyler claws Dara before getting dressed.

Raven is still on Wrath’s back. As Wrath comes back to the camp, he sees a great big golden dragon. Raven is suddenly filled with delusions of grandeur. He finally gets out of the dominate effect, though. “It seems, brother Wrath, that you have a little visitor.” “Yes, I thought he would make a nice prisoner.” Raven is grabbed and thrust in front of a female half-white dragon in garish armor and a scary huge minotaur. Kisha is insolent to Wrath. “I suppose you want us to put him in a prison cell or something…” Raven: “Wait, what do you want to know about the city? I’ll tell you right now.” Raven tells them the truth. Skyler scrys to see where Raven is. Raven figures out most of them are filled with blood lust, but Kisha is a blank. Raven is given a massive tail smack. Skyler crafts burnt popcorn as he scrys. Raven: “You guys send me back in there, and I will give you the city.” They don’t care. He is roughly stripped of gear and weapons and led away by Kisha, who looks annoyed at having to listen to dragons. Raven: “Why are you helping the dragons?” Kisha: “I can’t say.” She keeps her real emotions tightly under wrap. Raven: “What can I offer for you to help us?” “That may not be the wisest thing to say in this camp.” She lifts a crystal thing on her wrist and says that she has decided to interrogate the rogue, and he is led to a soundproof room. Skyler keeps watching and telling Silawyn about wrestlers. Kisha: “I’m sure you’re curious…I can’t talk about it, but let us just say that there is a reason I dropped that note that you picked up. I want total freedom from everything.” She doesn’t have anything she especially wants at the moment. Raven: “You’re not interested in helping the dragons, so you’re either getting something out of them or you are plotting against them.” “These people have eyes and ears everywhere. We will speak again later, but don’t trust anyone, least of all me. And I would not recommend mentioning that we had this talk, or you will die quicker.”

Dylan talks to the emo dragon and Glimmer and gets them to agree to keep watch for the other dragons. Dara heals the masses. Silawyn grapples with Skyler, who shoves her away. Raven, after many adventures, gets back into the city through Gluttony’s lair. Skyler waits for him in the manor above. Silawyn convinces the emo dragon to spar with her.

Theron looks for a quasi-girlfriend to replace Vidomina while Skyler scrys with Mikhail. As the fear in the city dies down, the remaining townspeople become enraged and fanatic. Dylan goes up to the wall and sees most of the druids and rangers; everyone guarding the walls sends out burning green rays of hatred at the army. Dylan tries to make his rays of apathetic hate stronger. Luminia flies up and sees ballista bolts fired at her. She gets down. Silawyn and Dylan hear the sound of fighting within the city walls. The opposing army has crept up under an illusion and is now at the wall. Silawyn charges at the wall, and she feels magical energy and knows that a spell has been cast. Luminia flies to the area and lands on top of a pile of rubble. Skyler hears a dull roar from within Mikhail’s instant fortress. Dylan tells people around him on the wall to go fetch the dragons and the other “city leaders.” They hear shouts of dismay and the roar of battle. Silawyn knows another spell has been cast. Luminia sees a familiar horned head (the nasty minotaur Deemar) and a huge army flooding into the city. She casts darkness on a piece of rubble and throws it at the army: “Hey, who turned the lights out?” Ogres still move out of the darkness. Silawyn attacks with her breath weapon. Skyler hears the battle outside the tower and looks out an arrow slit. He sees lots of ogres. Dylan jumps from the wall and charges in. Everyone hears a loud thump, followed by a female death scream. Four ogres attack Silawyn, but only one manages to hit her with a greatclub. Dara hears the battle and starts jumping roof to roof to go over…then she falls. She tried to be a ninja and failed. Silawyn sees a wave of green slime emanating from the darkness. A bunch of screaming people are being eaten alive by the slime. Luminia uses her breath weapon, scooping rubble into her cone. She bellows out the first line of an annoying song as she breathes on them, damaging twelve ogres. Silawyn has flaming fists and flurries. Skyler shoots out the window at the ogres. Dylan charges in and tridents one of the ogres on Silawyn. Silawyn is thrown to the ground and sees a falchion crunch to the ground by her head; looking up, she sees the minotaur from the thieves’ guild. Ogres attack Dylan, and the Ur-priestess attacks Silawyn with her flail. Someone bursts into Theron’s room and tells him that they are under attack. “The roof is on fire!” replies Theron (song reference…groan). Theron gets strange looks. Luminia eye lasers the Ur-priestess. Silawyn tumbles and gets smote: the flail of the Ur-priestess feels like it’s ripping the human and dragon apart. She uses her breath weapon on them.

Dara gets up and runs. Skyler shoots out the window again at an ogre. Dylan takes down three ogres. The minotaur recognizes Dylan and charges him, tripping him. Ogres charge in and hit people. Ariel hears battle and goes to find it. Silawyn gets hit by the flail again and feels much pain: darn the demi-human dread. Theron reaches the scene and sees ogres swarming in at them. Luminia eye lasers the minotaur. Silawyn makes a fist of energy and wraith strikes with burning flurry on the Ur-priestess, who curses most of her relatives, even her second cousin twice removed (Kisha), who is the only person Silawyn likes. Dylan climbs to his feet and heals himself. Dara heals Dylan, and he feels spiffy and shiny and new. Theron blasts. Silawyn hits the Ur-priestess some more. Skyler flies out of the fortress, and Dylan tridents the minotaur, who trips him yet again and tries to scare him to death. The ogres are ordered to take Theron the caster out, so they leave the others alone and go after him. Theron screams help. Dara flame strikes the ogres and kills four. Ariel gets there and sees the minotaur that killed her. She fireballs him. The priestess heals herself. Luminia blocks the doorway to prevent more ogres or anything else from coming in. She fires her blender cone at a minotaur outside, singing an annoying song. Silawyn continues to hit the Ur-priestess and wants to devour her flesh. Skyler shoots at the minotaur. Dylan gets up and pokes the minotaur with his trident. The minotaur takes a step back and goes invisible. Ogres attack Theron’s image and Theron. Ariel can smell the minotaur, so she tries to attack with a firebolt. There are two ogres in Theron’s face. Luminia vivisects a minotaur with her bites and claws and wings. Silawyn keeps hitting the priestess. Dylan runs after an ogre and slays it. Skyler sees the minotaur Deemar trying to get away. An evil slavering werewolf comes up and attacks Luminia. Dara sees hurt people and slaps Silawyn with a cure spell. Ariel burns the invisible minotaur with fire. The Ur-priestess disappears with word of recall, making Silawyn rather upset. Ogres are caught in Theron’s icy tentacles. Theron flees the scene over the tentacles. Luminia attacks the ugly werewolf. Silawyn angrily casts a cleaning spell on herself. Skyler flies after the minotaur and shoots at him; he staggers and collapses on his face. Deemar is dead! Dylan aims for some ogres in the tentacles and accidentally hits Theron. Dara casts light on a dead body. Ariel burns stuff. Silawyn breath weapons ogres: an ogre melts into a pile of goo. Everything retreats.

The remaining ogre begs for mercy from Ariel. She heat deaths it and makes it go boom and enjoys herself immensely. Dylan finds the invisible minotaur and encounters a belt. He pulls the belt off and puts it on; he feels strong enough to rip the minotaur’s horn off and does so. Dylan continues to grope around on the dead invisible body and also finds boots, a chain shirt painted black, interesting looking gloves, an interesting looking vest, two rings, a contact poison applicator, and vials of what might be poison. There’s also a shortbow and a falchion. Dara makes a wall of stone in the door in the wall. Theron blasts the ballista they brought up to take out Luminia. The door had been opened from the inside…by Deemar the recently- deceased minotaur.

Dylan goes to the emo dragon with the items to get them identified. Silawyn tries to wrestle with the emo dragon. Then she bribes him with 10,000 steel, and he assists in an emo fashion. They get a belt of giant strength +6, gloves of dexterity +4, +4 glamoured silent shadow chain shirt, boots of stickiness (immunity to grease effects, plus five balance and climb checks), +3 vest of resistance (+3 to all saves), ring of freedom of movement, and several poison doses. Extra stuff is distributed to troops.

The next day, Skyler and Dara look out and hear a bunch of their forces abandoning their posts. There’s a golden dragon emitting a sound that’s shaking the wall: Pride. People throw rocks, but they bounce off his hide. The wall is crumbling in a pretty nasty fashion. Dara casts searing light at him. He looks angrily at her, but one of the soldiers throwing the rocks says: “Don’t look at her, look at me! I’m the one who is going to kill you!” Pride snaps down and bites his head off. Dara also feels sure that she is destined to kill the dragon. The rest hear a dragon roar and go outside. Theron is also sure that he is destined to slay the beast, as is Silawyn. Theron blasts the dragon, and Silawyn casts an orb of sound. Both take away some of Pride’s energy resistance. Skyler sings fire and ice. Dylan also thinks he is going to kill the dragon. Dara casts blood to water. The wall he was perched on collapses into nothing. Skyler laughs at him. Pride takes out a scroll and perches on the instant fortress, damaging it. Luminia also goes outside and sees Pride. She doesn’t like him, as she’s encountered him before.

Theron flees the scene up to the roof, right next to the dragon. Silawyn casts sonic weapon on her fists. Skyler bless-blasts. Dara casts aura of evasion on herself. Pride flies into the air and blasts sonic energy. Theron falls unconscious. Luminia blender cones her breath weapon at him in retaliation. Silawyn casts fly. Skyler uses his breath weapon too. Dylan starts climbing up the fortress. Dara casts greater dispel magic to get rid of all of Pride’s magical protection. Skyler takes a full attack on Pride’s hide. Luminia uses her laser eyes. Silawyn flies up and breath weapons, but Pride is naturally immune to fire. Skyler attacks with his sword, and Dylan reaches the top. Pride lands on Dara and smashes her. Luminia laser-eyes again. Silawyn casts a lesser orb of shock. Skyler crafts popcorn and sings a song of life to heal Theron. Dylan leaps down and lands on Pride’s back, trying to stab him with his sword. Dara casts gaseous form and floats out from under the dragon’s butt.

For some reason, no one is swarming through the hole in the wall. Luminia laser eyes once more. Pride jumps up to the tower again and attacks Silawyn. Dara gets out of gaseous form, and Theron stands up, sees a dragon, and casts fiendish resilience on himself. Silawyn punches with shocking fists and wraith strike. Dylan manages to stab him in the back. Pride attacks Silawyn again. She dies. Dylan snaps out of his drive to kill the dragon after seeing Silawyn die. Theron blasts from above, and dead Silawyn bleeds threateningly in his direction. Skyler pokes out with a spear and does a cold ray. Dylan hits him twice up on his back. Pride accomplished his mission, however; he launches into the air, and Theron resists changing into a tiny little bunny. Dylan falls off his back outside the walls. Theron blasts him one last time. Mikhail walks out and closes the fortress, but due to the dragon’s sonic damage, it dies. Dara casts wall of stone on the hole in the wall, and Dylan scrambles back up and over the city wall.

An arrow flies over the wall and hits the remains of the instant fortress, shattering it in Mikhail’s hands. There’s a scroll attached: a scroll of false vision and a little note in code. Bohb staggers over and is disappointed that Pride has left. He sees dead Silawyn and holds out diamonds. Dara takes money off of Silawyn’s body and buys diamonds to resurrect her. An ultimatum arrives: they will utterly level the city unless they surrender, and the Great General Kisha will be waiting to meet them at nine in the morning; otherwise the city will be leveled in one massive sweep. Skyler: “Nine AM is too early…screw you all.” He sends a note in undecipherable script with a yes encoded. Kisha chuckles upon receiving it. Dylan goes around asking the dragons, the kender, and the druids for advice. He is told to go but prepare for betrayal.

They go out at the proper time. Kisha is lounging in her armor, surrounded by seven gaudily dressed people in heavy full plate armor: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, and white. Kisha: “I was not the one who decided on the uniforms, thank you very much.” Pride…gay pride? Much laughter among the party. “Well, I see your city has sustained much damage.” Theron calls her a bitch. Skyler and Silawyn punch Theron for insulting their relative. Theron starts up for a blast, but Skyler casts silence on him. Kisha wants the silence removed as Theron mouths and gestures wildly and graphically. “You’re here to discuss your surrender, I believe. It’s amazing the things you find out when you are a double agent. Too bad you didn’t join this side.” Kisha recommends not insulting the dragons, as they are scrying in on their conversations. She offers a “generous” surrender offer: give up fighting, turn over gear and weapons, and she will put in a good word so that they hopefully won’t be killed. She hints at Skyler to use the thieves’ guild.

“Now it’s time for you to see whose side I’m on.” Her lightsaber comes out, and she spins and cuts; the mage in white dies. [Skyler meanwhile has cast false vision off of the scroll so that the dragons see something entirely different.] Skyler attacks with a cone of fire. The red war mage casts horrid wilting on Skyler and Kisha. War mage blue casts cone of cold: Kisha doesn’t mind, as she’s immune. Silawyn smacks the red mage. Green mage hits Luminia with a disintegrate spell, and she breath- weapons the orange one. Skyler also gets a disintegrate spell cast on him. Silent Theron charges at Green with his morning star, but it flies out of his hand and goes far away. Dara decides that purple is an ugly color and casts flame strike, hitting Purple and Yellow. Dylan runs up and hits Purple. Kisha is pissed off at Blue, so she grins evilly and cuts him up, slaying him like no one’s business. Orange casts finger of death on her. Skyler heals Kisha and casts the refrain of cold. Red casts horrid wilting on Silawyn, Skyler, and Kisha. Silawyn breathes fire. One casts a spell on Dara. Luminia attacks Orange with laser eyes, but the spell dissipates against him. Purple steps back and casts empowered enlarged widened horrid wilting. Skyler dies. Skyler wants to be a saint and runs toward the light. Theron now has sound back, and he blasts Purple. Dara heals Kisha. Dylan slices Purple and cleaves Yellow into unconsciousness. Kisha is enraged and turned towards Orange. Her mouth works, and he claps his hands over his ears as his brain dissolves from the terrible secret she just whispered to him. Red aims a touch attack at Kisha, and she goes down on one knee. Silawyn gives Red her full out rage and kills him; then she desecrates his body. Green casts prismatic wall and begins to retreat. Kisha yells to get him. Luminia runs through the prismatic wall and is hit with fire and electricity and falls unconscious and dying on the other side of the wall. Dylan coup de grâce Yellow. Dara windwalks over the wall and kills Green, and Kisha with a kiss of life revives Skyler.

• Treasure:
• Seven sets of +3 full plate
• Slightly burnt: seven +3 cloaks of resistance
• Seven +2 light steel shields
• Seven +4 rings of protection
• Seven +4 headbands of intellect
• Seven +3 short spears

They run back toward the wall, and they hear an enraged bellow from somewhere behind them. Silawyn does a dance that involves mooning the approaching dragons. However, ballistae are aimed at them from the city, so they fly off. The spies report that the dragons have spread stories that the “rulers” have captured Kisha and are torturing her to death. Meanwhile, they discuss war tactics with Kisha. The enemies have a giant monster that they have been using wild monster sex (genetic engineering) to create: big grey scaly things with lots of arms that hurl boulders. One of their ballista has been fashioned into a battering ram. There are also traitors among them. Theron wants to torture people. They need to find the Ur-priestess. Dara, Ariel, and Dylan search the burned-out temple.

Kisha wakes them all up before dawn because she has heard trumpets sound. Going up on the wall, they see the big grey creatures and a massive minotaur directing them. The adamantine battering ram comes up to the wall of stone. Dara flamestrikes a giant. Dylan shoots, but all of his crossbow bolts clink off its hide. Theron puts tentacles on the field, capturing some people and slowing the battering ram. The giants throw something from their hides at the wall. The ballistae also shoot and hit Dara and Ariel. Ariel firebolts a minotaur on the ram and blows him to bits. Dara casts ice flowers on them. Skyler sings an anthem of thunder and pain, blowing minotaurs to bloody chunks. The ram batters the wall of stone. Dylan goes down to sit in front of the wall and smokes. Theron eldritch spear vitriolic blasts a giant. The acid is the only thing doing real damage to it. Luminia uses her eye lasers on the remaining minotaur on the ram. The giants hurl more parts of themselves at the wall, injuring party members. Ballistae attack Luminia, and they have no affect against her scaly hide and pretty armor. She laughs at them. Silawyn has a minotaur’s brain in her hands. Ariel hits people rushing up to take their place on the battering ram with fire and blows ogres into fine pink mist. Dara hits herself with a heal spell. Skyler shrinks the battering ram to 1/16th of its original size and picks it up. Luminia zaps a giant with her acid breath weapon. The giants grab boulders off the ground. Kisha starts a song of healing. The ballistae aim at Skyler and Silawyn. Silawyn flies into a rage on the troops. Ariel makes her way down the wall. Dara flamestrikes a ballista.

Skyler flies back up to the wall and puts wall of force on top of the wall. Dylan climbs back up. Theron moves along the wall to get around the wall of force. Luminia eye lasers a grey giant. Luminia, Silawyn, and Ariel are targeted by rocks. Kisha also runs alongside the wall of force next to Theron. Ballistae shoot. Ariel and Dara blast fire at giants and ballistae. Two fireballs blow up near Dylan: dominated war mages and Vaeria the vampire arrive. Dylan hits one of the war mages. Theron spears the emo grey giant. Luminia eye lasers the same emo grey giant. Boulders are thrown at Theron and the wall underneath him, and he tumbles down. Kisha sings a song of flight, and Theron is able to float up. Silawyn goes up the wall. Ariel hits the giant another time with fire. Dara flamestrikes again. Skyler makes Silawyn bigger. Vaeria whirls around and slices at Dylan; he feels weaker and hits Vaeria with his longsword and kukri. Theron takes the light grey giant down. Luminia attacks the downed grey one, and its companions hurl orbs at her. Kisha sees Luminia in trouble and swoops near her. Silawyn sees Vaeria attacking Dylan. Ariel strikes out with fire and laughs and blasts things. Dara heals mass. Skyler makes people bigger. Vaeria misses, and Dylan hits her. The war mages cast earthquake at the walls, and they tumble with a crashing sound. Dylan slashes at Vaeria but can only hit once with his kukri. Theron puts acid on already burning things. Luminia rips out the downed giant’s jugular. Ariel is hit by thrown rocks. Kisha heals Luminia. Silawyn attacks Vaeria. Ariel flames another giant. Dara ice-flowers an ogre. Skyler flies over the rubble and sees the vampire; he sings dirge of frozen loss. She orders her war mages to fight to the death and leaves. The water in Silawyn’s blood is ripped out through her pores. Dylan slices a war mage to pieces. Luminia munches on the giant and casts darkness. Theron blasts more acid. Boulders are hurled at Theron, but they hit each other in mid air. Kisha cuts one’s head off. Silawyn breath weapons the remaining mage. Ariel fires at an acid-scorched giant. Dara casts blood to water on the giants. Skyler breath weapons the dark giant, and he feels like his soul is about to be sucked out of his body. Dylan slices the remaining war mage. Theron continues to blast the giants. Luminia breath weapons the dark grey one. The commander orders them to retreat.

They gather back together and look at the collapsed walls. In the middle of them appears a blast of flame: a minotaur 12 feet tall with a gigantic glaive on his back. Outside the wall are chants: hail to the beast! Theron gets a large wound on his chest. Skyler attempts to hit him with cold. Silawyn smites, and Dara casts blood to water. The minotaur drops his glaive. Ariel firebolts him. Luminia bites and claws him. Dylan swipes with his sword, and Theron vamps seventy feet backwards. Kisha starts singing. Skyler blasts the minotaur with fire. Silawyn crits and smites with sonic damage. Dara casts assay spell resistance and energy drain. Dylan crits on the minotaur. The minotaur breathes negative energy and unholy water on Silawyn, Skyler, and Dylan. Ariel hits him with another firebolt. Luminia breath weapons it in the ass. Dylan slices. It roars. Kisha full attacks on it. Skyler sings song of life and the refrain. Silawyn shenanigans and touch attacks. Dara casts searing light but doesn’t get through spell resistance. The minotaur attacks Silawyn, Kisha, Luminia, and Dylan. Ariel firebolts, and Luminia attacks. She leaps on his face from behind, and Dylan slices his knee off. He falls on the ground, his horn gets stuck, and he breaks his neck.

They talk tactics about dragons. Bohb trades them a couple rods of major image for the multi-colored full-plate. They send a message, but their messenger returns barely alive and horribly mutilated. Luminia wants to eat him. The wands set up images to lure the dragons into the tunnels. Skyler hides himself and puts up walls of force behind them as they go along. Kisha uses herself as bait. They come in and start making demands. Theron’s illusion of himself goes poof when he insults the dragons and they swipe it. They use their breaths to blast the illusion. Kisha gets scared and runs away. The dragons call after her, not realizing that she has switched sides. They chase and are mad at being fooled by mortal creatures. They run into more illusions; Silawyn’s illusion attacks Wrath, and he realizes it is an illusion and gets even angrier. The third illusion goes poof. They try to turn and come across a wall of force. Ariel gropes the cleric as she holds onto her, preparing to teleport. Silawyn channels Vaeria (Ariel’s undead wife) and feels jealous. Wrath barrels madly into the chamber and sees Kisha against the wall and then Dara and Ariel. Pride comes in and blasts his breath weapon. Theron looks pretty bad. Silawyn decides she is having a bad day and sacrifices a spell to up her attack. Skyler puts up a wall of force behind the dragons, blocking their retreat. Ariel teleports over to Theron with Dara, who heals the dazed Theron. Kisha ups Dylan’s abilities. Dylan springs in and hits Wrath. Luminia does a fly-by attack with her eye lasers on Pride. Wrath blasts Theron, Dara, and Ariel. Some in the party succumb to being shaken by Wrath and deluded by Pride. Pride attacks Silawyn, but his claw gets tangled in his wing. Silawyn attacks, and Skyler casts a spell upon himself. Ariel teleports back with Dara and Theron. Luminia lands on top of Pride and eye lasers the top of his head. Dara heals Theron. Kisha beefs Dylan up some more. Theron makes himself invisible. Dylan slashes the underside of Wrath’s belly and goes after Pride. Wrath is angry at Dylan; Dylan falls unconscious. Pride attacks Luminia and Silawyn, and Silawyn attacks back. Skyler casts delay death on Dylan. Ariel teleports Dara again, who does a mass heal. Kisha does damage to each dragon, throwing her sword. Theron blasts Pride, but it does no damage because of energy protection. Dylan gets up and is hit by both dragons. Luminia clings to the back of Pride’s head. Wrath turns to Kisha and blasts her point blank with a breath weapon. Pride dispels Silawyn’s invisibility. Luminia is thrown off to the ground. Skyler casts a spiffy spell on Silawyn, so she now has a twenty foot reach. Ariel teleports over to Kisha, and Dara heals her. Kisha inspires greatness. Theron dashes up to Pride and devours magic. Dylan spring attacks Pride.

Luminia flies back to cling to Pride’s back again, and she is bitten in half. Silawyn has an evilgasm, as does Theron. Wrath and Pride nod at each other; they move to a wall and acid and sonic breath weapon. Dylan and Kisha collapse bleeding. Kisha is dead. Theron runs over to Pride again and devours more magic. Skyler casts blood wind on Dylan. Silawyn is angry and attacks Pride. Ariel teleports Kisha’s body, and Dara mass heals. Dylan heals himself some more. Wrath smashes Silawyn. Pride bites and claws Theron. Skyler cures Silawyn a little, and Ariel teleports to Silawyn; Dara heals her. Wrath attacks Dara as she casts her spell. Theron vitriolic blasts. Dylan springs in and hits Pride. Wrath onmislashes Silawyn, Dara, and Ariel. Silawyn is super-deathed. Pride casts a spell, and Theron attacks with his morning star, missing. Skyler sings a song of life and taps Dara. Ariel teleports away with a couple of bodies. She’s attacked as she goes. Dara mass heals. Theron blasts Pride and criticals. Dylan crits as well and shoves his sword into Pride’s body, killing him. Wrath blasts Theron and Dylan. Skyler heals Dylan. Dara casts revenance on Kisha, who somewhat comes back to life. She pounces and kiss-of-life’s Silawyn. Theron flees the scene. Dylan heals himself and moves closer. Wrath snaps at the illusion of Theron and whacks the real Theron with his tail. Theron falls unconscious. Skyler stabilizes Theron and smacks Dylan with some healing. Ariel takes Kisha in to injure Wrath. Dara casts energy drain on Wrath— seven negative levels. Kisha goes berserk. Theron devours magic on Wrath. Dylan slices with his sword. Wrath breath-weapons. Skyler casts moonbolt and gives him eight strength damage. Silawyn heals herself. Dara hits everyone with a mass heal. Kisha inspires courage. Theron runs back towards the wall and vitriolic blasts. Dylan jumps in and hits him. Wrath decides to take some of them down with him. He casts horrid wilting on Skyler, who full attacks him. Silawyn jumps in and does blood wind on Wrath. Dara vamps with Ariel and casts blood to water. Kisha moves out of range and invokes a terrible secret, so horrible that he can’t stand it (was it that Pride was gay?). Theron blasts again. Dylan flies in with his sword and slices his belly open; he explodes. Skyler dies and he also explodes. Kisha is also dead again. Dara raises dead on Kisha: “Oh, my aching head.” Silawyn bathes in the blood of Pride and gets bonuses. Dara eats the heart of Wrath and enters into a blood lust. She tries to bring Skyler back to life, but he is in too many pieces. Theron sets Luminia’s corpse on fire and eats her heart. He gains access to her fragmented memories. Dara bathes in the blood and gets a bonus to charisma.

• Treasure:
• 1,752 steel
• 10,687 platinum
• 8 moss agates (11 each)
• 10 bloodstones (70 each)
• 9 pieces of jade (90 each)
• 8 amethysts (100 each)
• 6 golden yellow topaz (300 each)
• 20 violent garnets (600 each)
• 6 black star sapphires (1,200 each)
• 8 star rubies (1,300 each)
• 7 blue-white diamonds (5,000 each)
• 32,050 steel
• 1,580 platinum
• 4 freshwater pearls (10 each)
• 6 red spinels (80 each)
• 8 pink pearls (120 each)
• 5 black opals (900 each)
• 2 gold serving spoons (30 each)
• Set of six bone china salad plates (50 each)
• set of six bone china soup bowls (90 each)
• Set of six bone china dinner plates (100 each)
• Gold soup tureen (500)
• Darkwood-handled silver hand mirror (600)
• Ivory-inlaid lyre (600)
• Set of six crystal goblets (800 each)
• Crystal pitcher (900)
• Crystal serving bowl (900)
• 2 gold serving platters (1,000 each)
• Crystal vase (1,100)
• Griffon-feather cloak (1,200)
• Velvet mask studded with rubies (1,300)
• Pair of gold earrings each set with a single diamond (1,400 each)
• Gold anklet set with amethysts (1,500)
• Painting of the Battle of Emridy Meadows (1,900)
• 6 mithral scabbards set with purple corundum each bearing the forge-mark of famed dwarven smith Durgeddin the Black (2,100 each)
• Gold flask engraved with “E” (2,200)
• Adamantine idol of Moradin (3,00)
• 2 blank adamantine-bound spellbooks inscribed with rearing dragons (4,000 each)
• Pair of silk gloves, each embroidered with a “G” and studded with tiny sapphires (4,000 each)
• Silver flame-shaped brooch set with fire opals (5,000)
• Phoenix-feather fan studded with rubies (6,000)
• Platinum necklace studded with sapphires (7,000)
• Platinum tiara set with diamonds (7,000)
• Masterful gold ring set with diamond
• 2 matching sapphires (12,000)

• They also find a
• +3 large steel shield with 50 pts. cold warding, acid resistance 10, and sonic resistance 10
• +10 belt of giant strength
• +3 icy blast wounding whip: intelligent, anal neutral, 14 charisma, 14 intelligence, 13 wisdom, feather fall 1/day, locate objects 120 feet, see invisibility, defend fey – slay living on a hit, DC 20 + charisma, invisibility 3/day, bull strength 1/day, and clairvoyance 3/day

Wait…Skyler’s not quite dead yet. He’s staying to guard the town with Kisha. Did he explode or not? Who knows…

Ariel teleports the survivors through the wall of force. The battle outside is still raging; many poor souls wonder why they are doing this. Vengeance for Kisha! Vengeance for Vidomina! Ariel shoots a firebolt in the sky to get everyone’s attention that Kisha is with them. She says that she is on Steve’s side. The badger gains 26 followers. All hail Steve! Silawyn holds Steve up and makes demands. Kisha wanders off into the battlefield and smites random people for nonlethal damage until they cower before her. She looks pissed. Silawyn follows her and copies her. Dylan takes Steve and follows. All hail Steve! All hail Steve! Dylan’s ears twitch. He and Steve go to the grove, as they are freaked out. Ariel follows them. Theron goes invisible and blasts running people. Kisha tells her commanding officers to sound the retreat. Dara blows people down with wind.

The armies eventually disengage, but the losses on both sides are staggering. Silawyn is asked to give a missive to the people in the city for a peace offering. She flash-steps and flies over the gates; the city is a burnt-out husk. The only thing standing is the grove, as the druids are excellent fire-fighters. She talks to the gnome, who wants to go with her. He has fallen in love with her. She runs with the gnome hanging on her leg to Alton Ogrebane, who looks depressed: the city is almost gone, the food supply is exhausted, and one more push will wipe everything out. However, Silawyn shows him the peace note. She runs around and gathers everyone in the grove, as the Crying Jester is gone. Steve hides in Dylan’s bag of holding. The cultists worship the bag of holding. Silawyn and Theron talk to Culnamo. Theron annoys them by talking about Vidomina. Dara regenerates the werewolf’s arm, and she gets a big hug.

They go to the peace talks. Kisha stands back, leaning with a superior smirk. Theron: “You died, I didn’t.” “Whatever. We will have peace IF you allow us the pleasure of helping you to repair your city and living here once it is repaired.” Silawyn and Theron glare at the unimportant people, but everyone agrees. Kisha also shows them where Wrath and Pride’s hoard are stored.

Over the year, the city rebuilds itself. Raven dies in a fight over power in the thieves’ guild. Kisha is popular and sings in the rebuilt Crying Jester. Theron, Silawyn, Dara, Ariel, and Dylan, along with Kisha and Skyler, become the leaders of the city, although Steve got the minority vote. Culnamo peacefully passes away. Ortinoth is the leader of the grove now. The cult of Steve has taken over the temple and now has 300 members. They made a gigantic gold idol of Steve, and the orgies are legendary. Steve never shows up to the meetings. Ariel is the high priestess of the church of Steve. Dara wants to integrate segregation (she likes half-breeds but not humans), Silawyn is cold and calculating, and Theron puts down rebellions ruthlessly. Dylan quietly does things in the background, working with the dragons and other city people and protecting Steve. He is made an honorary arch-druid. Skyler and Kisha also help rule, and they charismatically aid. Silawyn goes to take stuff from the dragons and sees that a piece of all three is missing: one of Pride’s fingers, one of Wrath’s fingers, and a piece of Luminia’s flesh is gone. Someone might be resurrecting them.

They decide to have a festival, as people have been surviving off of Merlin’s spoons. Theron wants to have a gladiatorial match so that people can kill each other. Dara wants to have a rave. One of her half-breed hippie followers exposes her to dream mist. She has fantasies about killing every human in the universe, and it makes her happy. Dylan hides from the mobs of Steve, and Silawyn’s gnome showers her with gifts. Dara contemplates why the gods left; the last time they left was during the war of souls, and eventually, due to crazy things happening, the gods came back, and the god who put the world away (Takhisis) was turned mortal and slain. The main good god also turned himself mortal and went to live amongst the elves. Theron also contemplates his salvation from the apocalypse and sees all kinds of strange colors: black, gold, pale green, grey, brown, and two colors he can’t remember. Silawyn realizes that she is not a brass dragon anymore. Ariel thinks it would be fun to burn something. Silawyn has another Mr. Smith Matrix scene with the followers of Steve.

Ariel wanders outside of the city and meets a pixie. She sets its wings on fire: it goes “Wheeee!” Dara wants the druids to grow food. One of the more chaotic ones grows dream mist. The city population is about 3,000, plus a bunch of new babies. The fields outside aren’t growing very well. Ariel continues exploring and sees the dire weasels again. Dylan follows her out and thinks paragon dire weasels are going to become the dominant species of the planet, as they can survive on dirt. Theron has dreams about Luminia and feels sick. The pixie finds Ariel: “You wouldn’t happen to know anybody by the name of Luminia?” Dylan helps his slightly absent-minded friend remember her. “What about a dwarf named Ruby? Or Bael? Or a half-red dragon named Vaeria?” Ariel: “Oh, wifey!” Dylan: “Your wife is a vampire.” Ariel protests this. Steve pokes his head up. Sorn the pixie sings the annoying badger song: “Badger badger badger…” Sorn goes to find Mikhail, who is in a little vacant lot with a bag of holding chained to the ground in the middle of it. He gets blasted. Sorn: “I was sent to find you…it’s about your brother!” A hand reaches up and closes the bag. Sorn comes back to Ariel and Dylan: “Mikhail wasn’t very helpful.” Dylan takes him to Kisha and Skyler. Kisha is comforting Silawyn in the Crying Jester. Sorn: “I was told I could find you here…” He questions her about Myr. “She survived?!?” She’s a red dragon looking for the old party, but all are dead. Ariel and Dylan walk out, making jokes about faeries. Dylan wonders why he’s friends with the inattentive Ariel. Then she lights a cigarette for him, and he remembers the basis of their relationship. Sorn goes back out and talks to Myr, who tells him to take her to the people who might know Vaeria. The pixie flies like superman and makes whishing sounds through the streets of the town while Myr clomps behind him. They come up to Dylan and Ariel, and Myr pins Dylan to the ground, bellowing: “Where is my daughter?!?!?” Dylan figures out that her daughter is Vaeria and relates that she is a vampire and haunts Gluttony’s corpse. Dylan gets squeezed and injured when Ariel mentions that Myr must be her mother-in-law. “WHAT?!??!!!?!”

Theron back in the city sees Luminia’s memory of Myr grabbing people by their heads and ripping their limbs off. Myr follows Dylan and Ariel back into the city. She wants someone willing to go on a minor quest. The bored Ariel and Dylan volunteer, as does Sorn (“I was going to have you go anyway!”) The pixie poofs in and out in pink smoke.

Myr bursts in through the door of the Crying Jester after Dylan. Theron recognizes Myr from Luminia’s memories and mentions that to her. When Theron relates that he got her memories from bathing in her blood, Myr twitches. Dylan hides in a corner. He and Ariel try to figure out why they have to save the world. Myr: “I am one of the only dragons left on this world, possibly the only red one left. Since it is my responsibility to repopulate the red dragon race, I must in fact create a lair in which I may shield my hatchlings and my mate from harm. To do this, I need an artifact from the Tower of High Sorcery; I couldn’t penetrate that horrible phallic symbol.” Ariel: “You don’t penetrate phallic symbols, they penetrate you.” “Anyway. I am willing to pay a great deal for this service.” They are bored and want to blow things up, so they decide to go. She tells them that her wings fail near the tower, her breath weapons and spells fail too, and her head doesn’t fit in the door. Kisha volunteers to stay behind and rule the city with Skyler. Theron hums to himself: “I am so awesome, I am so awesome…” Silawyn, on Myr’s instruction, punches Theron in the face. Myr pats Silawyn on the head and asks what the others can do. Theron: “I blast things.” Ariel: “I set things on fire.” “Show me.” Sorn the pixie: “Kill the spare!” Theron blasts a kender bard, and Kisha looks disturbed and heals him. Dylan throws up firewood and slices it. They will leave tomorrow morning. Ariel tells the cult that Steve is going on a pilgrimage, and there is a mass held for him. Myr tells Silawyn stories about what she did with Thakramil. Dara adopts orphans, and they are scarred by Ariel’s stories of rough foreplay with Vaeria. Myr is also disturbed.

The next morning, to much cheering and cries of “come back safely,” they walk for days and days and weeks and months. Silawyn gets there a week early. She encounters a prismatic wall. Sorn joins her eventually. Silawyn finds the little light- hearted Sorn annoying. “If Lady Myr didn’t wish for your safety, you would have been gone a long time ago.” The rest of them come, finally. Cliffs and a prismatic wall block them from the tower. Myr is irritated that the wall is back. She takes a deep breath and spits darkness at it. The wall shatters. She will wait for them for one week. The artifact looks like a diamond, and it makes moaning sounds. A random elf walks towards the party. He has the same voice as Sorn, who after surprising them changes back to his pixie form.

When they enter the area, all of the magic drains from them (and their items as well). The door is a pile of shards and rubble. Inside is a somewhat square room, the walls of which are covered with slashes and gouges. A door to the left is smashed, inside which is a shattered desk and more rubble. Silawyn gets pricked by a needle in the rubble. The room is a right triangle. Whatever smashed stuff is still in here, as Dylan sees no tracks going out. They go through the door on their left, and Sorn searches for traps. As Sorn goes in, he falls over a tripwire across a library-like room covered in shredded paper. He avoids falling down, but all of the shredded book pages are set on fire. Dylan sticks his arm in and lights a cigarette. Some of them tumble through the room and open the other door. Dylan, Theron, and Dara wait for the fire to die down while the others see another dilapidated room. Bricks fall on Sorn’s head. They all gather in the room, which is a triangle. Sorn dislikes this place.

They go through another room, and Silawyn goes first through the door into another ransacked library; most of the books are missing, and the shelves are smashed. Sorn reads a dragon’s children’s story in which the knight was consumed alive. They go through the left door: on the side they go in, the pictures are ripped, but on the other side the paintings are pristine. A hallway continues around the door. They look up. It is really really tall. The transparent slime on the wall eats Silawyn’s hands as she attempts to climb up. The slime possibly comes from another dimension, and it creates an antimagic field. They set the slime on fire. A burst of pure magical power engulfs all of them, and Theron goes deaf. The fire only destroyed one patch. The slime goes all of the way up to the very top. Dara pokes the wall with an ax, and the slime turns into a yellow flaky substance on the ax head and falls off. It continues to slide down from the top, however, disappearing into the floor. The paintings are of powerful people in colored robes. They see Bohb in one of the paintings. They people are the heads of the order of wizards, and Bohb is in a black robe. They write things down so that Theron can understand, and he loudly yells back.

There are many doors. One of them says “Danger, do not enter.” Sorn breaks the padlock. He walks through the door, checking for traps. A dart pierces Sorn’s ear. There are skeletons of ferocious beasts. This tower is strangely full of poisoned pointy things. Another room contains a big library with boring books. In the northwest corner is a set of stairs going up. In another room is a closet full of robes of all colors. Sorn puts one on and finds a phallic symbol in the pocket: a rod. Other pockets contain mothballs. They go up the stairs.

They go up the stairs. Theron contemplates his hearing loss and decides it will go away as soon as the ringing in his ears stops. They enter a big, dusty, old reception area. There’s a giant pillar in the middle. Sorn finds tables, glasses, and flatware. Also moldy food. And a round table. Dara dances on it and sings the knights of the round table song. When she jumps on the table, yellow spores burst out and everyone falls coughing and choking. Dylan thinks the mold is toast. Silawyn gets hurt by the spores and runs into an audience chamber. In the chairs are fragments of red, white, and black robes. She makes a mask out of a scrap of cloth. Sorn searches the other door. His eyes bulge out as he strains to open it. Dylan finally pushes it open as Silawyn runs at it with a flying kick and tumbles forward through the newly open door into the room, damaging the stairs. Against the door is a dead stone golem. Dara pokes the stone golem, and dire bats fly out and attack her. Silawyn punches a bat, and Dara swipes with a sword. Theron takes out his morningstar. A bat falls to the ground and twitches unconscious. The bats like Dylan, who empathizes with them. Dara continues to attack the bats, as does Theron. Silawyn tries to nurse the bat back to health. Dylan tries to make the bats not hate everyone else. They retreat. Dylan makes sure that the unconscious bats don’t die.

Sorn realizes that the floor is weak. When Dara clomps up in her armor, the weakened boards collapse. Dara and Sorn tumble down as the others dance back (Theron even does a flip). They fall to a floor below. Most of the room has fallen through along with them. Sorn jumps and scampers up the stairs. Silawyn attaches a grappling hook to her rope and throws it across. She hooks it around the banister, and the stairway sways. Dylan shimmies across the rope with Steve clinging to his back. Silawyn smacks the deaf Theron to get his attention, and he tries to climb across. He freezes in the center. Dylan drops the rope; it hits the banister and sways, making Theron feel sick. He finally crawls across. Dylan is ordered to find something upstairs to hook the rope onto. Dylan hooks it up and holds on to it, just in case. Silawyn leaves Dara behind and plays Tarzan on the rope. Dara calls out “Asswipe!” and jumps down and then tries to climb the rope. She manages it barely.

They reach floor three, a tiny triangular room with two doors. Sorn finds a sexy tail: Silawyn’s tail. Sorn: “Tail! ::glomp::” Silawyn: “I hate fey.” They open the right door and are overwhelmed with rotted stench. They find the remains of the cafeteria. Through another door is the slime corridor, and another door has an even worse stench emanating from it: the kitchen, which seems to have been ransacked. Dylan sees tiny footprints all over the kitchen. Theron says they are kobold tracks in a very loud voice. Silawyn sees a valuable bowl studded with gems full of tofu. She throws it out of the window. A cold iron washpan falls on Sorn’s head. Theron consumes a bag of sugar and gets a nice sugar high. Sorn and Dara have a conversation in zombie.

Sorn goes ahead, searching for traps. He opens a door and is hit with a wave of dust. There are lots of benches and books: a waiting room. Silawyn opens a book, and a needle within its pages bounces off of Silawyn and pokes Sorn. There are simple spells scribbled in the margins of the spell book: read magic, magic missile, knock, and dispel magic. Silawyn takes the spell book with her. Sorn pushes the next door open and finds a desk and an old old red robe. There are runes painted on the desk, runes to activate other runes. A large message is on the door behind the desk: “Halt! Order members and invited guests only! Stay out!” Sorn checks for traps. Theron: “This must be where they keep the porno.” Dara pricks her finger and writes the words in zombie underneath the runes. Sorn picks the lock and pockets an entire doorknob. He pushes the door open. On the opposite wall are various arcane runes: symbols of pain, stunning, weakness, and persuasion. Sorn chuckles. Dara dares someone to poke a rune. Sorn pokes it, and nothing happens, and he chuckles more. Then he finds Steve the badger. All hail Steve!

They make it to the fourth floor and enter a huge empty room. Sorn finds slime on a doorknob. He tries to get it off, but the stuff splatters onto his arm. Dara wants to pull the hinges off, but they are flattened on both ends. Sorn attacks the hinges with his adamantine shortsword. Silawyn then punches the hinges, and she puts her fist right through the door. They hear tiny high pitched screams and yips: kobolds. Sorn makes a sign for Theron: “Kobolds (must die).” They enter the room and are attacked by flying spears. An incredibly ugly chandelier falls on Theron’s head and makes enough noise to alert the entire tower to their presence. Sorn searches for traps at the next door, as kobold traps lead that way. He opens the lock and opens the door. He moves into the shadows and steps on a caltrop, fortunately avoiding the poison but limping a bit. Dylan sees glints of wire, Sorn limping, caltrops, and tons of booby-traps. A bag of flour is launched into Sorn’s face, making him all white. Sorn starts undoing traps and avoids a couple things sticking at him. An enormous weight hits him on the back of the head and shoves him into the wall. Sorn backs out of the room and hears gleeful snickers. Dara grabs some oil and goes into the room, thinking to douse it in oil and then light the whole thing on fire. Three traps hit her, and she falls sprawling on the floor. A kobold leaps on her and stabs her in the back with a spear. It dances the flamenco on her head and then runs back into another room, setting off all of the traps and flaming all of her oil. Dara runs out of the room on fire as the others stare at her. Theron yells: “Hey kobolds!” Silawyn yanks the spear out of Dara’s body and wanders into the room. She snaps through a couple of tripwires and reaches the door, which she punches and breaks down. Through the door is a stairway. In crude letters is scrawled: “Intruders go away!”

Silawyn peeks through the window to the slime. The others wade through the inferno and go up to floor five. As they go up the stairs, arrows shoot at them. Two bags of caltrops slam into the floor underneath Silawyn, and she spins to avoid the arrows. Kobolds are worshippers of dragons, so half-dragon Silawyn gets stared at. But they still shoot at her. Silawyn shuffles through the caltrops. Sorn jumps onto the landing and sees a bunch of kobolds and Silawyn glaring at them. Dara moves very slowly up the stairs, and Dylan follows her. The kobolds hit buttons in the walls, and spears fly out. Silawyn knocks a kobold’s head off. The other kobolds start screaming and running away. Dara, Dylan, and Theron go right up the stairs, proceeding in a cautious manner and tip-toeing around the caltrops. The kobolds set off yet another trap of darts before they retreat. Sorn finds traps as they look into an empty room. One of the walls is built to collapse. They throw things into the room, trying to set it off. Sorn opens the other door, and as he enters the room, the door slams shut behind him. Dylan tries to open the door on the other side, but it is locked. Sorn figures out that the room is going to crush him in a couple seconds. Dylan, Dara, and Silawyn slam into the door, trying to open it, and Sorn attacks it from the other side. As they break it down, the trap goes off. Sorn makes it halfway out before the room falls on him.

Sorn goes back down to the kitchen and hears gleeful tittering. He jumps out of the window and tumbles to try to get out of the antimagic field. He lands on the ground, and Myr looks at him: “What the hell are you doing?!?” She chases him around the tower. After he heals himself, she throws him back through doors and windows. He heads back up to the others. Sorn checks the falling wall room for traps, and the wall collapses on him. However, he only gets a small cut on his cheek. Dara tells the kobolds that there is a dragon outside. They don’t care. Silawyn tries to diplomacize them that they are here by order of a dragon. A kobold throws a pebble at Silawyn and gestures at her. The kobold takes Silawyn into the next room while the others wait. Silawyn comes back and says that she can get everyone up, but no one can attack the kobolds.

In another room there are shield guardians. The kobold guide bypasses many traps, and he takes them into a room with a cocky kobold sitting on a throne made of various materials, including demon bones. They tell him that they are here to find the moaning diamond. “So you too want the treasure at the top of the tower. Perhaps we could engage in a bit of mutual…” His eyes narrow at the fey, who is humming that knights of the round table song and vaguely resembles a gnome (and kobolds hate gnomes). “Anyways, perhaps I shall tell you what I know, for a price, and let you pass, for a price.” Theron loudly says that he is bored, and the kobold snarls and resists killing him. The kobolds want all of their wealth and useful items. Sorn: “Do you want our trail rations?” Kobold: “We have enough food here.” Sorn quietly, talking about the kobolds: “How would I enjoy eating them?” The kobold leader stares at him suspiciously. Sorn gives him 40,000 steel. “There has been a family of rather ugly birds that has been picking away my tribe. I wish you to slay them for us. When you do, we shall let you pass peacefully, as long as magic is not brought back to this place. My sorcerers say that the antimagic field comes from the slime. There is a council room at the top of the tower, but a wall of force is blocking it.” They negotiate for a bit. “There is a device at the top of the tower that will destroy the slime. Don’t touch it.” Dylan bribes him with rubies to let them rest for the night, and kobold nurses heal them. Theron still can’t hear, and he is pissed. The nurses fawn all over them because Gix Oth, leader of all kobolds, etc. etc., has favored them.

There is yet another little fellow in love with Silawyn: her kobold buddy. Gix Oth, carrying a nasty looking scythe, accompanies them as they proceed upwards. They go up to floor eight, bypassing the kobold nursery and hatchery. The birds are really really big, and they eat kobolds. Dylan thinks he’s talking about rocs. Gix Oth puts his ear up to the door and motions everyone else to be quiet. “Ok, they’re in there.” He kicks open the door and flies in with a frenzy berserker rage, blood seeping everywhere, scythe overhead. Silawyn charges and punches. The rocs are as big as Wrath and Pride. Sorn sneak attacks, and Dara goes into a rage and dashes in. The rocs try to bite Silawyn, but they hit the kobold, snatching him and beginning to fly out of the tower. The hatchling, angered at its parents being attacked, smacks Dara and grapples her. The kobold clings to the roc’s hide and slashes four times, slicing the roc’s head and wings off. He makes a jump and lands in a fighting stance on the edge of the tower. Dylan dashes in and slashes with his longsword, getting in a good hit as he is grappled. Theron stands far away and shoots at the baby roc with Dylan’s crossbow. Silawyn beats up on another. Sorn sneak attacks while Dara tries to break out of the roc’s grapple. The parent sees its baby in danger and grabs Sorn with its claw. The hatchling clumsily flaps and drops Dara all the way down the tower. Gix Oth flies at the other roc and narrowly avoids being grappled. He slices a gash into the roc’s flank. Dylan charges in and slices its head off. Theron reloads the crossbow. Silawyn throws a kobold spear at the flying hatchling. Sorn gets out of the claws of the grappling dead roc, but he’s right in the bloodstained frenzying kobold’s face, so he tumbles out of the way. Dara comes out of her frenzy, looks at Myr, walks away from the tower, and tries to cast heal. However, she didn’t go far enough. The baby does a fly-by attack on Dylan, and he avoids getting snatched. The kobold makes a will save to get out of his frenzy but fails. He can’t reach the roc, so he throws down his scythe and pulls a spear out of his back and throws it at the roc. Dylan goes out of the frenzied kobold’s way and stands by Theron, who continues to shoot at the baby roc. Silawyn throws another spear at it. Sorn leaps for the roc but falls down the tower. Myr looks unhappily at him too as the little fey lands on Dara’s head. Dara sighs and goes to walk in the entrance, but Myr leaps on her and pins her to the ground. She picks her up and throws her up to the sixth floor into the throne room and onto a courtier, killing him outright. Dara yells sorry and starts running back up to the battle. The roc flies by and hits Silawyn. The kobold picks his scythe off of the ground and looks menacingly at Silawyn: “Blooood…” Dylan slings rocks at the remaining roc. Sorn runs as fast as he can out of the antimagic field to heal himself. The roc flies by and hits Silawyn again, and she jumps to get onto it. She holds onto its feathers kicking and screaming. The kobold comes out of his frenzy, but he is still raging. Dylan and Theron sling and shoot at it. Silawyn scrambles up onto the roc’s back. The roc attacks Theron with its beak. The kobold charges the roc and attacks, but his blows are not as effective, as he is exhausted. Dylan charges in and draws his sword. Theron swings his morningstar into the roc’s face. Silawyn attacks from up on its back. Myr chases Sorn back into the tower and bellows that she will kill the next person who falls out. The roc stabs at Theron again and flies out of the tower. The kobold clings madly onto a talon. Dylan slashes at the roc as it flies out, drops his sword, and fires a slingstone at it. Silawyn slides a little on the roc’s back. The roc swipes at Dylan, the kobold slices, and Dylan goes full out on it and slays it. Silawyn falls off its back, and Myr looks bemusedly at her as her impact makes a crater in the ground near the body of the fallen roc: “What, you too?!?” Silawyn has a pleasant conversation with her and explains the situation. She passes the annoying flying pixie on her way back in.

Gix smirks in superiority: “Yes, thanks for your help.” Silawyn throws up her grappling hook and climbs up the side. There is a huge hole in the side and no stairs for five floors. Steve looks over the edge and contemplates his existence.

They get a “free” night’s rest to heal up. “Cute” kobold nurses help them. The kobold berserker says that what they are looking for is up further in the tower; he had made an excursion once but didn’t find anything useful. They are warned that if they ever pass through the kobold’s lair again, they will be slaughtered mercilessly. They are taken up to floor eight, and Silawyn’s little kobold friend follows her. The stairs are out of order. Dara finds a stone and throws it upwards to see how sturdy the floor is. Silawyn and Dara want to throw Sorn up there. Sorn flies up. He opens a door to a dusty room full of benches and dilapidated covers. He finds a copper piece. He dances around with his copper piece and sings. Then he finds stairs up to floor ten. The door that leads to the staircase says: “This area for Testing of candidates.” Silawyn throws a grappling hook up with her rope and climbs up. The floor is not very sturdy. Dylan follows up, as does Theron. Dara pulls off her fullplate and ties it to the rope. They pull it up, and then she climbs up.

They all make it up to the tenth floor. It is an absolutely empty room (except for bird leavings). In front of the next stairway is a pair of iron golems. Sorn tries to talk to them. Nothing happens. Silawyn tumbles past them, and they lurch to life and begin to pound on her. Dara backs up and squeals: “Eeeee!” She wishes she could cast spells. Sorn takes out his adamantine short sword and attacks. Silawyn tries to get past them and falls prone. Dylan also goes up and attacks. Theron takes a step back. The golems attack Sorn. Dara runs around screaming, waiting for a path to open up. Sorn bounds through them, taunts Silawyn, and gets on the stairs. Silawyn stands up and is attacked. She flees up the stairs and runs right over Sorn. Dylan starts tumbling through them. Dylan throws a paper airplane to Theron to tell him to stay there. The golem smashes the first airplane. Dylan throws another one, and the first golem accidentally hits the second golem. They destroy each other, and there is great rejoicing. Theron ignores the message, and he and Dara join the others up the stairs in the triangular room.

There are two doors: the patient way, and the hasty road to glory; Silawyn goes in the patient one. She ties her rope to something and heads through, as there are lots of passageways. She comes across a shield guardian guarding something. Dara peeks into the hasty way, and a giant stone golem fist smashes into her and throws her across the room. Silawyn tumbles past the guardian and some flasks, but it doesn’t attack her because she didn’t try to grab the treasure. The flasks look like alchemist’s fire. Sorn and Dylan follow the rope to Silawyn. Sorn also tumbles past the guardian and steals a flask; it comes to life and attacks him. Everyone runs and screams down the path, but they find another guardian in front of another alcove containing a bunch of nice rope. The other golem is still following Sorn and beating him in the head. He flees back into the beginning chamber. Dylan follows Silawyn; she goes back and takes the other four flasks. There is yet another alcove; this guardian is protecting a gem-studded diamond-encrusted electrum short sword worth around 20,000 steel. Steve is entranced by it and scrambles forward. Dylan holds onto him as Silawyn tumbles past.

Back in the other room, Sorn enters with the golem chasing him. Dara curls up in a ball and waits for everything to be over. Theron flails at it with his morningstar and dents it. Sorn hits it. Dara pulls out her sword and decides to charge in. Theron swipes it some more, and it smacks at Sorn. Sorn hits it. The three of them kill it. Meanwhile, Silawyn takes the sword, and she and Dylan fight that guardian. They smash and slice it into little pieces. Then they take the sword and go back and get the rope and destroy the other golem.

All of them join up. The next room says: “History lessons. You must know more than just magic.” Dara scribbles that in zombie underneath. The room is well lit with what seems to be windows to the outside, and it is filled with a huge mosaic of the history of the world. In the mosaic of things (with some historical errors) is a door with “The Chasm of Despair” scribed on it. There’s a giant scythe in the ceiling that looks like it will hit whoever touches the door. Theron pushes in a loose bit on an incorrect egg; the others push in other erroneous parts of history to destroy the trap. Sorn draws mustaches on characters. The door opens, and they go through into a room that is big and black, and there is a giant chasm in the middle. Sorn jumps into it and flies. It’s about thirty feet deep and gross at the bottom. Dara wants to use party members as boards across, so she tries to grab Theron, but he twists her around and throws her on the ground. Sorn jumps across and smashes into the wall on the far side. The door on the other side says “The Way of Pain.” Dara throws a rope across, and Sorn ties it to the door handle. Theron climbs across, as do Silawyn and Dylan. Dara slides her armor across and then crosses herself, and they head into the next door.

When Sorn opens the door, he gets a clay fist in the face, but he ducks out of the berserked clay golem’s way. Bright sunlight is streaming in. Sorn tumbles past him, but the floor ends there, so Sorn flies. Dylan attacks it and gets a cursed wound. Sorn attacks it from behind with the flat of his blade. Dylan slices it to pieces. They walk out onto a narrow triangular space and get to a door labeled “The Way of Paper.” Sorn opens the door and sees swarms upon swarms of origami things flying around the room. Sorn goes in a little ways and is overwhelmed by all of this paper. He throws flasks of alchemist’s fire in and runs out the door. The room is full of ash with one little slice of paper left on the floor with a word in draconic: “to pass.” On the next door is the draconic alphabet in little stone letters. Silawyn types in “to pass” and enters. Within is a normal door: “The warrior has his blade. The mage has his magic.” Silawyn takes down the door and sees a depressed stairwell against the wall. On the left is marked “The Way to Glory.” In front of the stairway are two statues, a warrior holding nothing and a mage with a glowy ball on the top. Silawyn puts the sword in the warrior’s hand; the statue and the sword disappears, and the mage taps Silawyn on the head with what would have been a heal spell. The stairs appear to the next level. The rest catch up, and they move onto floor twelve.

There is an empty white robe lying on the ground. Some runes are carved in the wall in various languages: “Four brothers standing in a row…second…” There are two shiny bottles in the other corner. Sorn deciphers script. He figures out the whole thing with his broad knowledge of languages: “Four brothers standing in a row/ Third from the left and down you go/ From that point then to go on/ The first, the fourth, then the second son.” One potion bottle is ugly, and one is pretty. Sorn drinks the ugly one. It tastes like eel. Then he drinks the pretty one and feels less smart. The next room is empty except for a slightly fancier white robe. Sorn pushes button number three back in the original room. Several trap doors open under him, and then rocks fall on his head. He flies on back up. An alcove opens and a rod appears. He takes the rod and then goes outside and heals. Myr confronts him, but he flies back in as she curses at him. Sorn pushes more buttons, but the alcove is already open. The others get out of the stairwell. They find another door and another stairway. This was probably the end of the test, and there would have been a wizard in there to duel.

Silawyn runs up as the stairs squeak dangerously. The others move more cautiously. Upstairs is a very large library. They are all neutralish spells. There is another set of stairs with another iron golem and two stone golems. The first has a black mark on its face, the second a white, and the third a red. The golems hold out their hands. This was probably the restricted part of the library that needed three tokens from the order heads to enter. Sorn reprograms the iron golem to think that it has the token, and it stomps away. Dara works on another, and Theron reprograms the white one into making it think he is a most virtuous spellcaster. Silawyn reprograms the red.

They go up the stairs into another big library. Sorn finds an interesting looking book and starts to read it; he feels less wise, and his brain hurts. He hands it to Silawyn, who looks through it as well. “I remember these. I don’t think I can cast them any more.” Sorn finds a book of sanctified spells, which he keeps. Steve finds a book of neutral spells, Silawyn finds an anally neutral book, and Theron finds some evil spells. Sorn takes the right steps, Silawyn takes the left steps, and there is a door in the center. One way leads to a white room, and the other is black. Sorn and Silawyn switch steps. The middle door looks forced open. Inside is a red room. There are kobold tracks and the remains of what used to be an elf in a fancy red robe, ripped by a scythe into chunks. Under the body is a tattered journal revealing scattered bits of the late great mage’s plans to restore magic to the tower and thus enable himself to escape. Theron gets a vision of dragon ass-gems from Luminia’s memory. Holes have been drilled in the wall, and slime is dripping in to the chamber. There is a window right across from the holes. He was planning to use the light to set the slime on fire, which might collapse the antimagic field. They debate whether to burn the slime and recover magic or keep peace with the kobolds. Theron can’t hear and pouts. They sleep, and Sorn flies out and explains the plan to Myr.

Morning breaks, and the sunlight focuses on the holes. Silawyn and Sorn throw alchemist’s fire into it, and there are explosions; the effects of the slime wreck havoc on the party. Silawyn turns into a dragonborn. Sorn reverses aging; he will disappear at the moment of his birth. Dara resists the slime. Theron goes blind. Dylan also gets reverse aging. Silawyn turns to stone. Sorn suddenly teleports into the lair of emo dragon. Theron is permanently affected by the iron body spell. Dylan is blind. Silawyn turns back into flesh and then into gas. Sorn is in temporal stasis. Dara can finally cast spells, and she puts everyone back to normal. Theron hugs Dara. Silawyn’s little kobold friend suffers a lot and turns into gas. Emo dragon thinks that Sorn is intriguing. He dispels the temporal stasis and takes the cute little pixie to his lair. Sorn is afraid and squirms away. He talks to Bohb about his past life and gets a scroll of teleport in exchange for a rod of wonder. He pops back into the tower. Theron badly wants to blow something up. Silawyn pulls out the anal neutral book, and Theron demolishes it. There is a scream of incoherent rage from several floors below as kobolds are hit by the slime.

They try to find ways to get up on top. The door will only open if one casts “time stop” at it, and they have no wizard with them. Everyone becomes an air elemental and floats through the holes. They hear the pitter of kobold feet and their angry yells. Right above them is a giant reverse dome. It’s a lock that would take the most incredible magic to open. There’s scraping from above them. Theron blasts an epic level spell. He rubs his hands together, sparks shoot out, his eyes turn purple and spark, his hair poofs out…a little thing flies out and makes a big gigantic boom. Through the hole, they see a giant staircase up. They hear a conversation: “Why are you taking all this stuff? I mean, we were only sent for one thing!” “You of all people should know that I could not be untrue to my nature, so shut up and do what you came here to do.” “Oh fine, fine, but don’t blame me if the master decides to slay you and take your precious.” Theron’s memories of Luminia’s memories get stronger. He now sees assgems whenever he closes his eyes.

They go up the stairs and see a door at the end. Silawyn runs into it and tumbles down the stairs. Sorn smacks Silawyn, and she grows two extra arms. She opens the door and sees Greed (with ass gems) and a tiny little gnome on another stairway up. Suddenly a high pitch voice shrieks: “Holy shit, it’s the fuzz!” At this the dragon snatches a huge moaning diamond off a pedestal in the center and bursts out of the tower. The gnome runs up the stairs, the same Boom the gnome who was the one who destroyed the world. The tower starts to fall apart. Dara casts windwalk on some of her companions, and the others fly out. The tower collapses and turns into a stone colossus with Boom sitting on his shoulder: “Go my creation, on to slay everything!”

They go after Greed, who looks behind him and breath weapons them with a life draining source. Sorn casts a moonbolt at him to drain his strength. Silawyn kicks at him as she clings to Dylan’s legs. Dara tries to cast energy drain. However, he has a ray deflection spell cast on him. Dylan casts find the gap on himself. Greed tries to suggest to Dylan that he should fall out of the sky. Theron attempts to land on the back of Greed, and he is grabbed in a claw. Sorn clings to Greed’s hide. Dara casts greater dispel magic and rids Greed of his fire, electric, and sound immunities, as well as the ray deflection. Dylan slashes mightily with his sword and deals much damage, and Silawyn jumps at Greed and hits him. Greed snatches out with the claw not holding Theron, and he rips the sword out of Dylan’s hand. Theron tries to flee the scene and the kicks Greed. Sorn charges, and Dara casts her other energy drain spell. She crits with her spell and makes him lose ten negative levels. Dylan charges in and is stuck in Greed’s jaws. Silawyn slams into him. Greed is pissed. He banks around and uses a spell weave with dispelling breath. Theron dies, and his body is stuffed into Greed’s bag of holding. Greed suggests to Dylan that he wait out the battle and then give him all of his stuff, so Dylan windwalks out of his mouth and away. Sorn death touches Greed. Dara and Dylan heal themselves. Silawyn clings to his back and beats up on him. Greed is annoyed and turns around and attacks her. Sorn hits again with fell the greatest foe. Dara flame strikes him. Greed dies, and Silawyn forms his wings to make him glide down.

Sorn gets the bag of holding out from under him, and Dylan gets his sword back. They also get Theron’s body out and the diamond. Dara restores Theron to life. Greed however suddenly looms up and grabs Sorn: “I believe that belongs to ME!” He breath weapons Sorn, who falls unconscious. Theron remembers that Greed dragons are like vampires and it has something to do with their hoard…their life is linked to their hoard. Theron acid blasts the bag of holding. Silawyn attacks Greed but gets attacked herself, and Dara casts mass cure crit. Dylan casts find the gap on himself again. Greed launches himself into the air with Sorn still in his grip. Theron acid blasts Greed’s bejeweled ass and yells: “Grab the diamond and run away!” Sorn tries to get out. Silawyn tries to lob an orb at him. Dara casts searing light. Dylan spring attacks with his regained sword. Sorn is quintilaterally rent by Greed, and he stuffs the poor pixie’s limbs into the bag of holding. Theron and Silawyn attack and damage him quite a lot. Dara fire storms him. Dylan spring attacks again. Greed goes after Silawyn. Theron blasts him some more, and Greed falls unconscious. Silawyn beats him for a long, long time. In the bag of holding: Sorn’s bloody remains, a sunblade, a ring of wizardry IV, a ring of air elemental command, a greater metamagic rod of maximize, staff of the woodlands with 34 charges, a curious grey walk, a very fancy staff, and a small wooden coffer. They find three matching stones that look like stones of controlling earth elementals within the coffer. Theron picks one up, and it is very very heavy; it becomes a stone of weight in his hands. He drops it, and it disappears and blows up; a diamond appears in its place. Silawyn picks one up, and it sticks to her hand. She gets a free wish. A resurrected Sorn picks up the last one and also gets a free wish. As they run away, Boom and his colossus chases after them.

Greed is recovering, and Boom and his giant colossus is coming towards them. Theron blasts the colossus with the amazing tablet spell, breaking through the antimagic field, and disintegrating a hole in its chest. Dylan windwalks toward him but loses the windwalk spell when he enters the antimagic field. Dara casts ice flowers, but only epic spells seem to be working. The colossus lumbers up to Dylan, and Boom yells at him to turn Dylan into a pile of red goo. Theron windwalks closer and blasts it with a spear. Boom is shocked that the antimagic field doesn’t work on Theron’s spells. Dylan springs in, but his sword bounces off. Dara inspects the magic around it. Silawyn uses an orb of acid. The colossus moves up to Theron, as Dylan has done nothing to it, and smashes him as Silawyn’s acid eats into it. Sorn starts moving up. Theron runs through its legs; it hits him, and he goes flying away. Boom laughs maniacally. Dylan springs in and slashes with his sword. Silawyn throws another orb at it, and the colossus makes Dylan’s trident shatter with a blink. It also smashes into Dylan. Sorn uses his ring of three wishes to wish the antimagic field disabled. Boom shrieks in utter outrage. An astral construct pops into being at the feet of the colossus. Dylan misses with his sword. Dara summons a roc and sends it to pick up Boom; it fails, and the roc is emo. Dara casts firestorm at the colossus, but it takes no damage. Silawyn launches alchemist’s fire on the astral construct. The colossus crunches Dylan some more with two fists. Sorn blinks out of sight and moves closer behind Boom. Theron blasts with more acid. The astral construct slides through the dimensions and attacks Silawyn with cold and force. Boom summons another one. The roc flies by and attacks Boom, but it misses. Dara flies over to Dylan and tries to heal him but is attacked. Dylan withdraws. Silawyn hits the astral construct. Dara gets crunched by the colossus. Sorn moves beyond the colossus, flying in the air invisibly. Theron continues to blast, and it crumbles even more. Constructs attack Silawyn and Theron. The roc does another flyby and fails, and Dara casts mass heal. Dylan keeps backing up and healing himself. Silawyn attacks with orbs of acid in the face. Sorn attacks Boom with his holy axiomatic shortsword, and Theron continues to attack the colossus with his blasts. Boom bursts into a flurry of activity and focuses on Sorn. His finger turns jet black, and he lunges at Sorn but misses. The constructs continue to attack Theron and Silawyn. Dara moves back and tries to cast ice flowers. Dylan continues to heal himself and move back, and the colossus attacks Theron. Silawyn makes the construct on her explode. Sorn tries to sneak attack him again. Theron blasts acid at the other construct as his acid continues to eat away at the colossus. Boom notices that the colossus is about to tumble over, but he lunges at Sorn and misses. Sorn tells him that he might want to get his finger looked at. The remaining construct attacks Theron. Dylan continues to retreat and heal himself. Silawyn goes after the colossus with all she’s got. She bashes her skull into the colossus’s leg; it explodes at the knee, and Boom screams as it falls. Sorn finds him under the construct. Theron withdraws back by Dara. Boom explodes from the wreckage, his face twisted in hatred. A crystal comes out and attacks Sorn and sucks him in, but Sorn gets out. The astral construct attacks Theron yet again. Dara heals Theron. Dylan starts moving back towards the battle. Sorn makes a mad charge at Boom, and Theron deals more damage to the construct. Boom turns to living iron. The construct attacks Sorn, and Sorn enjoys the cold. Dara casts greater dispel magic on Boom; he goes down to normal strength, and the force armor around him goes poof. Dylan keeps moving closer. Silawyn throws an orb of force at Boom, and Sorn attacks Boom as well. Theron keeps blasting the construct. Boom channels, time stops for the party, and he heals himself. Sorn feels a wave of vertigo, and the world around him disappears, and he is stuck in a world of his own imagination with “Pure Imagination” running in his head. Then he remembers that he is immune to mind effects and snaps back. Dara casts flamestrike on Boom, but he evades it. Dylan continues to move up to the battle. Sorn attacks while Silawyn beats herself in the face with a staff of healing. Theron blasts Boom but misses. The crystal attacks Sorn again to assimilate him. Boom then poofs two hundred feet away. Others heal and miss with spells. Boom channels his own life force to throw Silawyn into a microcosm. She is overwhelmed with cute fluffy bunnies that are worshiping Steve. Dara casts earth reaver. Silawyn does a Mr. Smith scene with the rabbits. Dylan is…still…moving…closer. Theron blasts him, but he manifests and takes no damage. Boom manifests vigor and makes himself tougher. Dara casts earth reaver again. Dylan sees Greed all better flying at them, but at mid-flight a familiar red dragon hits him in the air. Sorn runs up to hit and misses. Boom calls Sorn ugly, and Sorn sees a glint. Boom teleports in the opposite direction. Dara knocks him prone. Dylan is rather upset, and he turns around and starts running the other way. Sorn tries to get Silawyn’s attention with taunting. Theron blasts the prone gnome and feels a tug on his spinal column. Dara earth reaves again. Dylan finally gets to him but can’t attack yet. Sorn also moves closer. Theron collapses to the ground limp, and a piece of spinal column pokes out of the cloud. Dara heals mass, and Theron’s spinal cord begins to regenerate. Dylan springs in and misses. Sorn tries to dispel magic. Dara is also pinched out from reality. She is looking at pretty miniature Silawyns. Dylan tries to hit him again. Sorn also misses. Theron gets his spinal cord back and stands up. Crystals hail on Dylan. Dylan finally hits him, and Sorn deals massive damage. Theron and Dylan are suggested to kill the rest of the party after Boom falls. Dylan hits him. Sorn uses his ring to bring Dara back. Her head hurts. She tries to hit him. As does Dylan. Sorn brings Silawyn back with his last wish. Theron tries to blast once again. Boom poofs away to the opposite side. Dylan: “Not again!!!” Dara windwalks over and attempts to slay living. Theron tries to blast him again. Boom retreats further. Boom pinches Dara off from reality again, but he’s barely standing after that. Every member of her party has rabbit bodies. Silawyn goes to attack but hits Sorn instead. Boom channels all of his physical ability scores, snarls a curse, draws a volcanic blast dagger, says “Master, forgive me!” and coup de grâce himself. Dylan’s eyes glow purple, and he attacks Silawyn. Silawyn hits Dylan for lots of pain. Sorn casts dispel magic on Dylan, but it doesn’t work. Theron, also possessed, tries to blast Sorn. Dylan hits Silawyn again barely, and Silawyn pounds on him. Dylan goes unconscious. Sorn sneaks up on Theron and attacks him. Silawyn also attacks Theron. Sorn pretty much kills Theron. He was thoroughly and utterly divinely smoted.

• What happens to Theron when he dies:
• GM: Okay, here's how it goes. As you revive, you peer into seven pairs of unblinking eyes. You feel a sudden surge of recognition as you realize that this is the creature you begged to save you before. A familiar golden head leans down to you.
• Golden Head:This makes two times I have saved you, my spawn. It is time for the scales to be balanced.
• Theron: Okay, whaddya want? I guess you can have my soul, for what it's worth.
• GM: An enormously fat green head leans next.
• Green Head:You now have the information you need about those...'HEROES' that have slain three of my children. You will now take their places.
• Theron: Take their places? WTF does that mean?
• Green head: Your soul? A poor meal it would make. I desire your service.
• Theron: Takhesis, right?
• GM: (Takhisis have five heads. This one has seven.) The heads lean back and you feel an enormous power begin to channel into you.
• Theron: So....what exactly is it you want me to do?
• GM: You begin to percieve the entirety of the dragon. It is an incredible seven- headed beast with ten horns and ten crowns on its seven heads. You recognize four of the heads as similar to Greed, Gluttony, Pride, and Wrath.
• Theron/Martha: {oh great, Revelation....}
• Dragon Beast: You will take the place of my servant Boom. You are to purge all remaining life from this accursed plane to make way for the new order.
• Theron: ooh *grins*
• Dragon Beast: Perhaps, perhaps if you serve well, we shall give you a place of power in the new order. Now, we shall grant you the power to fulfill our desires!
• Theron: Sweeeet.....
• GM: {You've become the herald of the accursed bastard child of Paladine and Takhisis.}
• Theron: Sorn goes down first, the holier-than-thou little prick.
• Dragon Beast: Of course.
• Theron: Fuckin' wusses.

On Boom: Ring of evasion, ring of freedom of movement, +10 headband of intellect, +5 vest of resistance, crystalline shield. The kobold is standing, swinging his scythe in a rage. They find an adamantine band with curious etching on it in the middle of the construct ruins. Silawyn gnaws on it and chips a tooth. Sorn heals Dylan so that he wakes up from Silawyn’s beating. They stand over Dara’s mewling body, in a pile of her own filth. Sorn feels bad over Theron’s body. Silawyn eats Theron’s arm. The kobold falls unconscious, having somehow survived in the tower. Silawyn crafts poetry that Sorn would write and eats it. Sorn uses his stone to wish that Dara was ok again. She wakes up from horrible terrible dreams. She staggers around and barfs all over Sorn. Theron’s body has rotted away. They take his stuff.

They are lost. They have no idea where they came from. Silawyn poofs back to town and leaves the rest of them there. Glimmer tells her to go back and get them. She scries on them with punch and Sorn’s head. Sorn is the anti-toaster! Sorn flies off, and Dara follows windwalking and carrying Dylan. Silawyn poofs right in front of Sorn, who slams into her. Silawyn grabs on to everyone and poofs again back with Glimmer. The city is its refurbished self, but it is quieter. It’s night. Dylan and Dara go off to the druid grove. Ortinoth talks to Dylan after casting silence on Dara. She goes over to an apprentice druid and waves. He doesn’t look at her.

Maranda’s bad fan-fiction: And then they all had a rave. And there were many drugs. And Sorn was so friggin wasted. Sorn thought he was an orc, for some odd reason. He tried to intimidate the people, but he was too cute. The cuteness caused him to be mobbed by small children. They took his shortsword and chased him with it. Then emo dragon decided that it was all weird, so he took the short sword. Then Sorn was emo, but not as emo as the Emo dragon. They had an emo-off, but Sorn lost. Then Sorn commited suicide because he lost..

Ortinoth tells Dylan that people in the city are losing their will to survive. He thinks there are ears everywhere listening. He tells Dylan to go to the palace, but he seems to be hiding something. When they come back, Dylan tells him to take the silence spell off of Dara. Ortinoth to Dara: “Don’t be so stupid next time!”

Silawyn tries to get in to the palace. She is not recognized, so she frightens them with her mere presence, and they attack her. One of the palace guards hit her. Silawyn knocks both out, and she sighs and tromps inside. Sorn meanwhile sits on the top of the castle, invisible, contemplating his existence. Sorn has no idea what brought him back after he was torn apart by Greed. Silawyn finds her little chamber of solitude. Dust is in her room, so she casts prestidigitation. She sits in her office and is pissed that it’s empty. She smites a fly that bites her eyeball. Dara contemplates what she saw in her vision while she was under Boom’s spell, but it wasn’t any plane she can remember. Dylan and Dara sleep in the grove while Steve keeps watch. A half-elf druid girl is smitten with Dylan. Silawyn breaks through the castle wall and goes outside to find herself a new office. She goes to the thieves’ guild room and sets up office down there.

Sorn continues to contemplate in the morning. He realizes that he is deathless. He cuts himself but has no blood. Dylan and Dara go to announce themselves at the palace. The place is on high alert because of the knocked-out guards and the hole in the wall. Sorn slips in through the hole, but he goes back to sit up on top of the palace. Silawyn comes up the tunnel and runs into Dara and Dylan. Dara’s the only one who remains on her feet. Silawyn glares at them. Dylan’s ears twitch, and he walks on. More than two guards greet them with spears. Sorn floats down to the rest of them. He announces himself and floats in. Guards escort Dylan and Dara after he shows them Steve: “All hail Steve!” Silawyn is given directions to wherever she wants to go. Sorn hangs his belt with swords up. Dara asks the escorts when the castle was built: a couple months ago. Things are somewhat suspicious. Dylan and Dara are not recognized as fellow leaders and friends of Kisha and Skyler.

They all come to a big fancy door. Sorn pushes it open. Kisha and Skyler are seated, and a line of people are trying to petition them. One peasant is arguing with another about ownership of a cat. They think her idea to cut the cat in half is wise. The guards announce them each by name. Kisha: “Oh, of course, it’s you!” She runs forward and glomps Silawyn. Sorn casts calm emotions on the line of people. Skyler sits lazily. “Where’s Theron?” Sorn slumps down dejectedly. They tell them what happened. Sorn sits next to Skyler on his throne. Skyler tells them to scry on Greed to find his hoard.

They divide up their treasure and get emo dragon to identify items. If Greed’s treasure is taken away from him, he can’t regenerate, so they buy lots of bags of holding. They go to Bohb’s shop. He’s playing with a rod, but he quickly hides it under the table. They debate the price of three bags of holding IV. Sorn insults him and is kicked out. Dara makes holy water and a fount to scry for Greed. The temple of all gods has become the temple of Steve, complete with orgies. Silawyn glares at them and gets included in the orgy. Dara uses a scale from Dylan’s sword to scry on Greed while Alton helps Dylan fix his shattered trident. Dara sees Greed flying through the air, covered in Myr’s blood. He is hurt but regenerating. He lands in front of a massive massive door. He passes right through them and goes into a temple of some kind. The area around looks to be the remains of the city of Palanthes. Greed polymorphs into an elvish looking thing and then goes into a cage and descends. Dylan walks around the city: people don’t seem as industrious as they once were; they just work to eat. Dara learns that they built the castle to inspire people.

Silawyn teleports them there to two massive stone doors set in a fortress. The doors ripple like flesh. Dara pokes them with an eleven foot pole. In a flash of green light, a gargantuan worm appears next to her. Sorn hides. Silawyn breathes fire on it. Dylan moves up to hit the worm, but it bites him and grapples him in its mouth. Dara casts blood to water on it and moves back. It swallows Dylan whole, and worms begin burrowing into his skin. Sorn casts moonbolt on it. Silawyn uses ring of the ram to force it. Dylan starts to slice his way out with his kukri. Dara flame strikes it with fiery damage of doom! It charges and bites Dara and gets her in its mouth. Sorn uses a sound lance. Silawyn runs up and is a touch me not. Dylan uses his silver dagger and tumbles out of it. The worms begin to burrow into Dylan’s brain. Dara goes gaseous form and floats away. It lunges at Dylan but misses him, as he’s curled on the ground going “Ah, my head!” Sorn casts remove disease, and the worms fall out of Dylan’s ears. Silawyn goes full out on it. Dylan stabs with his dagger. Dara floats and casts flame strike on it. It dies and disappears. Dara restores Dylan’s intelligence: “Me feels smarter…wait, that’s not right…”

The doors are locked. Dara uses the staff of the magi to cast knock on it. The door opens, and another flash of green light produces a toad-like thing, which attacks Dara. She is blinded for five rounds. Sorn sneak attacks it with his holy axiomatic sword. Silawyn moves up and swings with her fists. Dylan drives it back with his clouting sword, and it falls prone. Dara casts searing light on the death slaad. It disappears. Dara heals herself and Dylan. Invisible Sorn floats up, and there’s another poof of green light. Silawyn wants to kill Sorn. Sorn’s weapon is pulled from his hand by the giant black thing that appears next to him. His sword is smashed. Sorn uses deific vengeance on the undead abhorrence, but it has spell resistance. Silawyn goes up to it and tries to punch it in the shin. Dylan runs up and swipes with his sword. Dara casts searing light. It damages the neutral and good people. Dara also gets a finger of death. Sorn attacks with his silver shortsword and sneak attacks. Sorn’s hand goes through it three times. His bare hand makes it go immobile, and it dies. Dara looks for the trigger. She casts greater dispel magic on the door. It goes away, but they’ve alerted everyone in the lair.

When they look into the door, they see eight rather large pairs of beautiful eyes. Everyone sees people attractive to them. Dylan is under the influence of the two half-elf girls to follow them into bed chambers to rest. Sorn attacks the animated holy symbols that he sees. Silawyn charges the handsome dragons with her ring. Dara pretends to be enchanted by the half-air elementals. She follows them into an alcove on the wall. The holy symbols try to attack Sorn, who jumps in midair. Sorn makes one fall unconscious into a slimy mass, but it regenerates. Silawyn attacks another. The “dragons” attack Silawyn. Sorn coup de grâce the symbol on the ground. Silawyn continues to smite with her fists. The foes start retreating. They take them all out.

Dara follows them in. They order her to lie down on the floor, and they both bite her on the neck. She holds her hands out and casts a firestorm. Dylan is also bitten; then he comes out of it and starts to fight them. Dara keeps fighting and gets five negative levels. She hits them with blood to water, and they keep fighting her and draining her levels. She kills them by draining all of their con. Dylan stands up and swings one with his sword. They try to flame strike him, but he dodges and attacks back with his sword and trident. He kills one. He battles it out with the other, goes down several levels, and finally kills it. Dara and Dylan are both stuck inside magnificent mansions spells after fighting the Avolakai priests. Dara tosses a note out. Silawyn reads it. It’s in common and zombie. Dylan and Dara sleep in their mansions and heal up. The room that Sorn and Silawyn are in is very elaborate: high ceilings, a fountain with a broken statue, and alcoves with portals. There are many gemstones around the bottom of the fountain. Sorn pulls out a flag with his symbol on it and puts it in the fountain, claiming it in the name of Sorn. Sorn pries the gems out of the gooey slimy fountain: 12,000 sp worth of gems. He crafts a stone bottle for the slime. The world goes silent around Sorn as he feels a hand impact on his back. The Ur-priestess harms him. He attacks her and throws something at Silawyn to wake her up. Silawyn is hungry and wants to eat her arch-nemesis. She attacks her and drives her back while taunting her. The Ur-priestess claws Sorn with an inflict critical. Sorn moves out of the silence and heals himself. Silawyn runs up and punches her. She draws out her flail and swings it at Silawyn. Silawyn wraith strikes and power attacks and flurries. The priestess takes a step back and casts word of recall and goes away. Silawyn screams in unholy rage.

This area is incredibly humid, very unlike the dry area they came from.

Steve is a level 0 deity now, although no one knows that except for Steve himself. Dara throws the bodies out of her room. They hit Sorn. The bodies are similar to the anatomy of sin dragons. Sorn throws the bodies in the fountain, and the slime oozes onto the floor. He uses other bodies to dam up the slime. Silawyn flies to avoid the slime. Dara and Sorn pray for spells. Dylan prays for sanity. The deities don’t like him. He pets Steve and is comforted.

They go up the stairs and encounter a door. Inside is a very small room with a periscope in the middle of the room. Dara looks into it, and it tries to latch onto her eyes and eat them, but she maintains control and can look outside the tower. She sees a speck flying towards them. Silawyn keeps running up and falls through the illusionary floor into acid. She casts fly and goes up. She punches the wall as Sorn dives down and swims in the acid. Dara: “No! You won’t have my eyeballs!” She keeps looking. There are double doors. Silawyn blasts them with her ring of the ram, screaming “Hadoken!” Sorn sees a trick of the light hitting the wall. He sees a secret door in the wall: an apparatus of Kwalish. Dara climbs in and looks at the levers. She plummets it into the acid, and it walks on the bottom of the acid. There’s a trapdoor at the bottom, but the acid weight on it is keeping it down. Sorn goes down to help and fails. Dylan lends Sorn his belt of giant strength, and he finally manages to get it a little open. A book is slowly being eaten away, and Sorn grabs the book. The lobster claw tries to grab it and misses. She casts windwalk on the apparatus and goes up. The book is a tome of understanding +1.

A kitty slashes through the worm and the door. She calls for everyone. A badger comes flying out. “Hello?!? Where is everyone?!?” Dylan beckons Steve back. Silawyn tries to knock the kitty out as she goes after Steve. “Oww! I’ve been sent here by Kisha and Skyler to come and help you out because you’re incompetent!” Dara: “You must answer the secret question: what color is Kisha’s underwear?” Kitty: “She doesn’t wear underwear!” “You pass.” The felid’s name is Jen, short for Jennyanydots. Dara (in zombie): “Hello friend, I hope we get along well!” Pussy is now a racial slur.

They continue on. There is a door to the right and double doors. Silawyn flies, as does Jen. Dylan has to spiderclimb across (the only one who can’t fly…he likes the ground). Sorn checks for traps and opens the door. In the room is a big pit, the walls ripple with worms, and windows look out into a cavern. Green mist writhes through a hole in the floor, and there’s a huge pile of stuff. Jen: “What, you guys haven’t killed the dragon yet?” “We killed it three times.” She laughs at the rest of them. Silawyn plots to kill her. Sorn goes to inspect the pile, but a massive fist slams into him: an adamantine golem. Sorn flies behind it and attacks with his adamantine shortsword. Dara casts flamestrike on it, but it does nothing. Jen flies into it with rage. She hits it, and then her katana flies out of her hands and into the wall. The golem tramples Sorn. Silawyn has an evilgasm. She goes up to attack it and gets attacked. She bounces off and hits the wall, then hits it and falls prone at its feet. Dylan casts find the gap on himself. Sorn casts holy sword. Dara casts healing on Silawyn. Jen grabs her katana, but it’s stuck in the wall. The golem stomps Dara flat and eats her hat. Silawyn stands up and gets hit. Dylan spring attacks. Sorn shenanigans. Dara tumbles back and cures herself. Jen wrenches her katana out of the wall and moves closer. The golem brings both of its fists together on Silawyn, who retaliates with a full attack of flurry goodness of the bad day card. Dylan spring attacks again. Sorn backs off and tumbles away. Dara heals Sorn. Dylan’s sword slices off its leg, and Silawyn’s fists smash it into little bits.

They check out the weapons and armor. There are ten suits of masterwork fullplate and twenty-five various melee weapons. They need to get rid of the hoard. Silawyn takes as much as she can and teleports back into the palace. Then she teleports back. There is a big green cage. Dara remembers that Greed polymorphed into something small enough to fit in the cage and then descended. Sorn hops into the cage and it whooshes down into a tiny spherical chamber. It drains him levels. Sorn squirms out of the cage and flies up. The cage comes up trying to snap him back, and Dara heals him. The cage grabs Dara, but she stays up. Sorn casts deathward on himself and flies down as Dara tries to dispel magic on it. It deanimates. Sorn finds nothing. He chats with a zombie, who tries to eat his head. The zombie is not really a zombie, but it looks like a zombie. He goes back up and tells them that there’s nothing down there.

Silawyn holds up a ball of yarn to attract the kitty to go down the hole, but she says that only kittens play with yarn. She hunts real things. Sorn and Jen find a secret door that leads onto a little ledge in the windows where the pool is. Sorn moves in; three dragonish worm things look up and spray him, but he leaps out of the way. There’s a big pile of treasure in the room. Silawyn charges through the window and into the room. Sorn follows suit. Jen changes weapons to a composite longbow. A bunch of worms spray out at Sorn and Silawyn, and Silawyn is infested. Dylan climbs down. Dara jumps down and mass heals. She gets attacked thrice. Sorn goes all out on one. All of the dragons seem to be preparing something as Jen shoots them. Dylan casts find the gap on himself and moves into spring attack position. Silawyn knocks one unconscious. Dara energy drains. Sorn coup de grâce the unconscious one. Jen jumps into a corner and coughs a furball on the dead body. Four purple worms show up. They grapple Dara spread-eagled. Silawyn tumbles, charges, and punches. Two more purple worms show up and grapple Jen and Dylan. Dylan gets out of the grapple and tumbles away from the worms. Dara floats away in gaseous forms while Sorn rips the body apart. Jen dimension doors to the center of the room. The purple worms attack Sorn and Dylan. Dylan tries to escape the worm. Dara floats up and gets attacked. Sorn casts freedom of movement on Dylan, and he gets out. Dara heals strength damage on Dylan, and he casts freedom of movement on her. More crazy battling ensues. Jen and Sorn knock one out. The purple worms disappear; huzzah! They take the treasure: a huge skull with druidic symbols, five hundred thousand copper, sixty thousand silver, eight thousand steel, twenty-eight thousand steel, four thousand platinum, and several potions and stuff. Silawyn naps, and they stuff stuff in bags. Sorn cooks purple worms and eats them. They teleport out with the stuff. They give the skull to the druids. Sorn wants to make it his home. The druids are happy.

When they get back, they get mass harmed. Armor clanks away. Sorn investigates, and green fluid rains down in the tunnel in the middle. Sorn drinks some and loses a level: concentrated sin stuff. Sorn bottles it and brings it back to everyone. Dara finds more periscopes and looks in them. A huge tornado is whipping about the top of the tower. Silawyn finds an inviting room. There are a bunch of bookshelves. Sorn leafs through “The King in Yellow” and loses two sanity points. They take the books and leave. They move into a bedroom with a comfy bed. Sorn jumps on it. Jen curls up on the pillows. Under the mattress is a scandalous dress of scarlet silk: Sorn declares it unclean and stuffs it in the bag. It’s about halfling or gnome size. They also find diamond and gold earrings, a ring, and 1500 gold. They go through a door in the back. Worms begin to eat Sorn’s brain. They remove disease and heal him. They find a crate. It has a crystal in it. Sorn picks it up and puts it in his bag.

They take a stairway south, and Jen slashes through the door. It’s yet another eyeball periscope thing. Dara regenerates her eyes. Jen finds a wakizashi. Silawyn goes in and screams “Power word no, bitch!” at one of the creatures from before. Sorn grapples it. They kill it. There’s a study. Then there’s a sixty foot chamber with books, a single one in the center draped in black silk. Sorn yanks it off. He takes damage just from touching it. Silawyn looks at the book. The touch of it is evil. Dylan puts the other books in bags. Sorn opens it and reads it. He loses experience, and it burns. Silawyn tries to pocket the book. It damages her. It’s a book of vile darkness. Sorn wants to redeem it. Silawyn breath weapons it.

They continue onward, or downward, or whatever direction they’re going now. Sorn jumps flying into the column. There are worms down there, all eating each other. Once he gets into a certain area, his wings fail him, and he hits the ground. Dara windwalks, falls, and goes into the river. There’s a nook to the side with a box and a button. The pixie pushes the button. It becomes a folding boat. They all climb/fly there, all taking con drain. The air smells thick with corruption. There are big hulking black shapes. An immense worm. Rah. It makes a huge wave, and Silawyn falls into the water. Sorn drops into the river and tries to smash it with his holy sword. Dara casts a rather large firestorm. The fighting with the worm continues as the others cling to the boat and the walls. Sorn makes a nightcrawler explode, but another wave comes. Dara falls into the river. Dylan finds a door. Sorn takes on the nightcrawler so that they can open the door. They enter an empty chamber with a fountain of pure water. Dara joins the fight. They get into the room and rest.

The reach a huge room lit by worm-infested stone. There’s a lot of treasure and a familiar person in fullplate and a familiar upset dragon. “You’re all lapdogs of the evil you came to stop!” Silawyn just wants to kill the Ur-priestess. Dara: “If you give us all of your treasure, we’ll leave.” He breathes on her. Dylan shoots him. Dara heals, Sorn dimension doors behind Greed, and Silawyn teleports behind the Ur- priestess. Greed attacks Sorn. Jen jumps up on the ledge with Greed. The Ur- priestess moves away from Silawyn and moves around in the hoard. Fighting continues! The priestess bolts Silawyn, and Dara ice flowers the priestess. Silawyn gets in her face and smacks her. Greed gets out of the flanking and smashes Dara and Dylan. Jen prepares to jump. The priestess swings at Silawyn and flail smites. Dylan tumbles away and casts freedom of movement on himself. Sorn flies and jumps onto his back, but Greed bites him. Dara turns into gas and floats. Silawyn heals herself and runs up at her and hits the priestess. Jen jumps down on Greed’s back and goes all katana crazy. Silawyn tauntingly blows a kiss at her, and the Ur- priestess retreats again and begins to do an oratory. Dylan spring attacks, and Sorn attacks. Greed collapses. Jen dimension doors up to the hoard. Dylan stands over Greed and beats him with a sword, but he doesn’t seem to be regenerating. Sorn hunts for the Ur-priestess. Dara comes out of gaseous form. Meanwhile the battle between Silawyn and the Ur-priestess continues. Silawyn teleports out, and she disappears. Dylan keeps chopping at Greed while everyone else shovels the hoard into bags. There are a lot of silver pieces. After a minute of his death, Greed comes back to life. He disarms Dylan. A nightcrawler lurches into the room as he rises to defend his hoard.

Silawyn listens for Maelstra the Ur-priestess and goes up to her. Jen goes invisible. Greed takes Sorn’s cold iron short sword and Dylan’s trident. Dara casts wall of stone around herself and keeps digging in Greed’s hoard. Dylan pulls out his kukri and slashes at Greed. Maelstra poofs away from Silawyn, and Silawyn screams with great wrath. The nightcrawler breathes a cone of cold at Jen, Sorn, and Dylan. Then it casts finger of death on Jen. Silawyn screams and listens, but she has gotten away to her sanctuary again. Jen attacks the nightcrawler and nearly chops it in half. Sorn tumbles past Greed and flanks him and attacks him. Greed takes Sorn’s other sword. Dylan slashes again with his kukri. The nightcrawler breathes poison on Jen, and Sorn slashes at Greed from behind with his one remaining sword. Jen slays the nightcrawler. Greed tries to steal Dylan’s kukri and then lunges to the wall of stone. Sorn and Dylan pull out their composite longbows. Silawyn teleports away for more storage stuff. Greed breath-weapons the wall of stone. Dara keeps shoveling treasure. Dylan shoots Greed again, as does Sorn. Jen jumps into the wall of stone and asks for healing. Greed peaks over the top: “I see you, you pathetic things.” He blasts a fireball. Dara heals Jen, and Greed bites her. Sorn jumps: “I’m a ninja!” He stabs Greed. Jen ghost steps through the wall. Greed bounds over to another part of the hoard. Dylan climbs the treasure, and Dara tries to cast wall of stone around Greed’s head. Sorn shoots between Dylan’s legs. Jen jumps and attacks Greed. Greed bellows in agony: he hates dying. He seizes a large chest and teleports away. They recover 200,000 silver, 40,000 steel, 2,500 platinum, 30,000 in jems, and 32,000 in jewelry.

Sorn has a pretty butterfly pendant. They shovel it all in filled bags. Dara makes a fort out of walls of stone, and they rest. Silawyn still has not come back. They hear roaring and dragon cursing in the distance. Then three hours into their rest, Silawyn walks in. She looks slightly tired. [She captured the Ur-priestess and started her on the path to redemption, and then proposed to her – she had been influenced by her weapon.] Sorn says yay! Silawyn recognizes the butterfly pendant. Sorn goes down and gets the boat and the apparatus of kwalish. Silawyn brought more items as well. Silawyn teleports back, and they clear everything out. Some notice the Silawyn is satisfied and make innuendos. Dylan borrows Dara’s longsword. Dara and Sorn attempt to grab on to Silawyn to teleport back with her, but they get thrown around, and Silawyn disappears. She puts stuff in her room and comes back. Silawyn is half-Pride dragon, so she has a frightful presence and makes Jen and Dylan want to fight her. Dara figures out that she is half-Pride dragon (she died and randomly was resurrected like that). Sorn realizes that he is a zombie. Dara writes insults to Silawyn in zombie on the wall. Sorn reads it. Sorn carves “Greed sucks” in draconic on the wall.

They go down the river of sin on the folding boat. “Folding boat-a-mon, go!” Kitty jumps in the boat, and Dara nearly falls out. Sorn finds a door and dives through it. The worms begin to eat his brain. Silawyn whacks him with remove disease, and Dara restores his drained intelligent. As they pass through the door, they step into a windstorm and deeper darkness. Jen is picked up and spun madly around. Dara’s perfectly happy in air, Dylan holds his ground, and Sorn clings to his leg. Jen goes unconscious bouncing off the walls. Dara heals her and calms the winds. And there’s a big mithril golem there. Sorn casts holy sword and tumbles past it, and the golem hits him and Jen. Silawyn flies in to punch it, but it’s too big. Dylan tries to cast find the gap on himself. Jen slashes with her katana, and Sorn does a full attack. It attacks kitty and Sorn. Silawyn breath weapons it. Dylan hits it with Dara’s sword. Jen’s sword flies out of her hand and past Dylan’s head. Sorn is smote thrice. Another golem tromps up. The golem has a big black orb in its chest, causing the deeper darkness. Sorn plinks away at the golem. The golem hits Jen and Sorn. Silawyn smacks it, Dylan grabs Jen’s katana and tries to hit it with Dara’s sword, and Jen grabs her katana, goes incorporeal, and slashes it. Sorn gets hit again. Greed suddenly appears and blasts with a breath weapon. One of the golems collapses because of Jen and Greed’s breath. The wind comes back as Dara’s concentration is broken. Silawyn destroys the orb. Dylan casts find the gap on himself. Jen calls for a medic. Sorn is instantly destroyed. Dara tries to remove spells from Greed, and Silawyn casts touch me not on herself. Dylan spring attacks the golem. The golem tromps up and hits Silawyn. Greed casts ray deflection on himself. Dara mass heals. Silawyn destroys the golem and goes up to Greed. Dylan also goes up to Greed and swipes at him with Dara’s sword. Jen ghost steps and jumps in at Greed. They all eventually knock him out.

Dara brings Sorn back with a miracle. Whatever power she is begging to bring Sorn back hates him but lets him come back anyway. They scoop the last of the treasure up and kill Greed one last time. Dylan and Sorn bath in Greed’s blood, and Dara eats the heart. The treasure from Silawyn’s room has disappeared. She talks to Kisha and Skyler about it: all of the treasure from the throne room is in a safe house. Silawyn plays the clockwork songbird for everyone. The song involves the questionable sexual practices of fey. Sorn is very emo. Treasure: +3 fire resistant adamantine breast plate, +2 heavy fortification light wooden shield, adamantine +2 aberration bane vorpal greataxe, +3 disruption spell storing morning star, an oath bow, a rapier of puncturing, bracers of armor +6, a greater strand of prayer beads, a robe of scintillating colors, and 10,000 steel worth of mithril. Silawyn goes to her room. Silawyn also supposedly found the disappeared Ariel’s mangled body on her adventure. Dylan interrogates Alton about the running of the city. Vaeria’s coffin has disappeared. They have services for the cult of Steve every Thursday night. The cult of Steve is flourishing, as it is the only thing giving the people’s lives meaning. Sorn emos on top of the palace and writes some bad poetry. Jen gets high on catnip. Dylan emos about Ariel’s death, and Silawyn emos too. Dara goes up to the werewolf and pulls out the puppets. “You are lucky Culnamo taught me patience before he passed on.” Dara gives him the handpuppets, and he plays with them in secret. They give him money.

Apparently Kisha and Skyler have been interfering with people’s lives. Their first order was to stop the orgies of Steve from spilling into the streets. Sorn has taken up residence in the giant skull and put up black curtains. The spirit of Culnamo appears and tells Sorn to stop emoing. The drapes go back to white as Silawyn is examining them. Dara hears rustling far away in the city. She tromps off. Dylan and Silawyn follow. Dara sees a fourteen year old boy being chased down the street. It’s Mikhail, and he’s running screaming with a letter. Behind him are people in black with pale white faces. Dara casts wall of stone, but they pass through it. They are vampire spawn. One of them thwacks Mikhail across the head, and he goes down in a heap. Dara turns undead and destroys three of them. Dara dismisses her wall of stone. Silawyn comes up, and Dara reports what happened. Mikhail is dead. The letter in his hand is addressed to the palace. Dara windwalks to keep up with Silawyn. Dylan asks Steve to track them, and he runs faster than any badger should. Kisha reads the letter. No one believes Dara about the vampire spawn. Steve got there first. Dara drags Silawyn off to go look for vampire spawn. Steve retrieves the letter from the floor and takes it to Dylan, who reads that the thieves’ guild is going to infiltrate the palace. Jen runs into Dylan, and he shows her the letter and tells her about the thieves’ guild. It was Mikhail’s wish to get eaten by a dragon at his death, so after some negotiation, Dara gets Glimmer to eat it. She gargles with ale. Dylan shows the letter to Ortinoth and everybody he can find.

They gather everyone except Silawyn, who is in her room where they can’t find her. They go to the palace to investigate. Dara shouts: “Wait up, you guys!” Silawyn hears her and goes out. Dylan gets to the throne room door. It is locked, and there is thumping inside. Silawyn and Dara move up. Something comes up behind Dara, and she takes fourteen negative levels. She stiffens and collapses with blood spurting through her back. Dylan heals her a bit. Jen slashes but misses. Suddenly the door bursts open, and there’s a dwarf with black ice in his hand. He swings at Dylan. It’s the scary undead ice palace dwarf. Jen also gets attacked from behind, and Silawyn gets spiked chains. Sorn backs up and casts death ward on himself. Silawyn pounds on one of the beings shrouded in darkness. Dara heals herself. Dylan slices, as does Jen. Dylan looses levels, and kitty gets damage too. Dylan takes out the dwarf and cleaves into another undead. Sorn charges and flanks with holy purpose. Silawyn breath weapons, but it dodges. Dara hits the black thing with searing light. An evil creature touches Sorn, who loses dex. It keeps damaging Dylan and Jen. Dylan tumbles into the room and attacks the ones pounding down the door to the throne room. Silawyn takes out one of the black things. Jen kills another. Dara gets attacked more, and then the remaining black thing runs away. The door to the throne room shatters. Dylan spring attacks and draws out a sunblade. Sorn sneak attacks the undead and kills one. Silawyn does her breath weapon and gets angry because they take no damage. Dara maximizes searing light, but because of her negative levels it doesn’t hit. Jen charges and leaps on the remaining one. She poofs it into gas.

Dara heals people up. They go into the throne room, and Dylan and Jen get fascinated. They are suggested to fall and worship before the new rulers of this city. In the room are kobolds that look exactly like Gix Oth, Kisha, and Skyler. Skyler casts wall of sand. Battle ensues! Two kobolds chug a potion and run up to Dara. Dara’s passwall in the wall of stone is useful. Everyone goes through except for the grovelers, and Silawyn hits a kobold. Skyler sings and zaps Dara with lightning. They attack the kobolds. The kobolds attack them. Silawyn suddenly starts dancing irresistibly. The battle continues! Dara returns Dylan and Jen to their senses. Silawyn stops dancing and pulls out her bad day card. She blasts a kobold with a prismatic spray. He saves from getting turned to stone but gets his neck snapped; he’s still frenzying, though. Skyler zaps everyone. Sorn full attacks on Skyler and takes him out. Jen power attacks on a kobold. Dara cures crit mass. Dylan hits a kobold, and Kisha brings Skyler back. Silawyn goes after another one, and Skyler casts blindsight on himself. Sorn moves to attack, and Jen attacks the kobolds some more. Dara casts maximized blood to water on both of them. Dylan attacks Kisha, who sings a dirge. This goes on for a while. Sorn casts silence on Dylan. Dara casts a wall of stone around the kobolds that won’t die. They slaughter each other. Dylan hits Kisha again. She moves out of the silence range. Silawyn looks at Skyler and has an orb. Skyler also moves out of the silence and begins hymn of spell death, and he uses the refrain to dispel the silence on Dylan. Sorn charges Skyler, and Jen leap charges Skyler. She slaughters him. Dylan charges and hits Kisha. Kisha brings Skyler back to life again. Skyler starts singing again. Sorn attacks Kisha, and Jen steps in on her. They slaughter her. Dara smacks Skyler with a morning star. Skyler is slaughtered by everyone. Silawyn is emo because she trusted Kisha.

They are confused. The brother and sister slump against each other and die. Their blood begins to merge together, and they separate the dead bodies. Skyler’s body crumbles into ash, but Kisha suddenly stands up. A massive vulture-shaped dragon with brilliant green eyes bursts forth from Kisha’s form. Dara’s blood vessels burst forth and entangle the rest of her party. It’s Envy. Sorn sneaks up on her. They are shaken by a dragon ascendant. Jen and Dylan are frightened. Envy attacks Sorn. Dara creates a life shield around them, and Dylan gets out and moves away. Sorn and Envy keep dueling it out. Jen dimensions door away from Envy. Dara casts flamestrike on her. Dylan stands against the wall and shoots at her. Silawyn bursts free and charges. Sorn flanks and hits with his fists. Envy tries to cast maze on Sorn. Jen pulls out her composite longbow and shoots along with Dylan. Dara casts blood to water on her. Dylan casts find the gap on himself. Silawyn steps up and punches away. Dara tries blood to water again. Dylan shoots as Jen pulls out the oath bow. Sorn is shoved and attacked. Battle continues! Sorn takes Envy out. She burst into black flame, and Theron with evil red eyes and horns and wings appears.

Jen is in awe and stares at him. Theron glares at Sorn with hatred, smirks and casts ruin. Sorn bursts into nothingness, and he dies. Then he turns on Dara. She casts windwalk on herself. Silawyn heals herself as Dylan shoots. Then Theron kills Dylan and drains his lifeforce. Then he pulls Dara’s heart out. Silawyn teleports randomly, and she lands inside out. Theron strokes kitty’s face and makes her his consort. They all meet on the other side. They realize that unless their souls do something, the world is doomed.

To be continued…